The Boring Runner

Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K Results Dropbox!

2012-01-27T09:17:00.000-08:00

I know that some of you are running Friday, some on Saturday, and some on Sunday. No worries! When you are finished, leave a comment here to tell me how you did! If you have a blog and wrote a race report, link it up and I'll include it in the race summary! (Here is this summer's version of race summary)

Happy Running!

Funny Foto Friday: Amy Winehands & Mixins

2012-01-27T08:39:00.000-08:00

Update on my knee...... I went for a 5 mile test run today that went....ok. I still feel some tightness or the feeling of being itchy. Does anyone else have little dings that feel sore boarding on itchy? Maybe I need to get some Preparation H for my knee?

This week's funny foto Friday is a bit of a grab bag.

First, when I was writing yesterdays post, I was looking for a picture of someone doing the game "Edward 40 hands" but with wine bottles. (Normally, you duct tape two 40oz (1.2 L (!!!)) bottles of beer to your hands and you can't take them off to pee until you've finished them both. It is a black-out inducing hilarious good time!) I couldn't find a picture with wine so I complained about it on Twitter. Enter Lynne!!!

She not only let me know that the game is called "Amy Winehands" but offered to take a picture! Go check out her blog here (GREAT pictures of foooood).

Step 1 - tape wine bottles to your hands

Step 2 - Nighty night

Finally, a few pictures I found on facebook to round out the Funny Foto Friday.

This is about as expected as a corn dog at a 5 star restaurant

Finally, I think we've all seen or at least heard of the "Shit XX Say" videos. The original was what Girls say, but I've also seen runners and triathletes as well. Each is funny, but for some reason the Shit Ultra Runners Say is the funniest by far. IT seems that when runners get out on the trail, all bets are off. Happy Friday!

Don't forget!! The Freeze Your Thorns off 5K is TOMORROW!! Come back and let me know how you did by leaving a comment and I'll include you in the results summary!

Prizes Prizes OMG Prizes!!

Zero Water pitcher! Filters out all of the municipal water sludge and helps you run cleaner

(Review to come very shortly!)

Moeben Arm Sleeves!! UV-protected sleeves are made with a handy pocket for a gel packet or small iPod.

I seriously can't even make up these advertisements. Was this the start of a hippie orgie?

Feetures (not a typo) high performance running socks!

Like a condom for your feet (that might be my slogan, not theirs)

Body Glide!!! What better to protect your naughty bits - even in the cold

I kid you not, if you Google Image Body Glide, this picture comes up - I suppose if you're playing soccer in a bikini you WOULD need body glide.....

Nuun!!! No calories, fizz, electrolytes, delicious

Also, if you put Nuun in wine? Not that bad!

Unplanned Rest Day

2012-01-26T13:57:00.000-08:00

Yes, today I uttered quite possibly the 3 worst words that a runner (or athlete) can say. ~~Needed Nipple Bandaids~~ Today, I took an unplanned rest day.

On Tuesday, I decided to jump right back into training and ran a 10 miler with 4 miles at marathon pace of 7:05ish. It was a really solid run, but I was certainly reminded that I ran a marathon less than 2 weeks before. I have no idea how I ran nearly that pace for 17 miles. I get the feeling it is sort of like waking up in the morning and seeing a wine bottle with only an inch left. I have no idea how the bottle got that empty, but doing it again makes me want to barf. Wine Carbo Load

On Wednesday, I ran an easy 5 miles. My knee felt “itchy” during the run (“tight” perhaps?) and when I stopped was full on “achy”. It ebbed and flowed throughout the day in various stages of “hurty”, but overall I knew that something was up. Unfortunately, I went drunken high school dance in the back of mom’s minivan on my running plan. While the marathon pace run felt hard but good, it was just a bit too much just a bit too fast. Self coach fail However, one of the things that I’ve found to be the key to my success has been to know what is injury pangs vs what is being sore pangs. This felt like injury so I took the rest day. Hopefully it will pay dividends tomorrow when I try it out again. Hurts so good

I vented my frustration to twitter earlier this morning. I’ve come to believe that twitter is only good for a few very specific things: Complaining, talking about bodily functions (Pooping & things I see in the bathroom), posting about runs that go particularly bad, did I mention complaining?, and posting my witty observations. Doesn’t that make you want to follow me!?

I asked everyone what their “3 worst words for runners” were and here is what I received. What are YOUR worst 3 words? So far, unplanned rest day is leading my list by a mile.

Reminder! Giveaway / Freeze Your Thorns Off Jan 28th!

2012-01-25T14:03:00.000-08:00

January is tough. I get it, I really do. (In the northern hemisphere) The days are short. It doesn't matter if you're a night runner or a morning runner, if you're running, you're running in the dark. You're always wondering if some meth hungry hobo is around the corner ready to shank you, steal your Garmin and sell it for some sweet sweet "candy". To top it off, it just snowed, and then melted, and then iced over. And don't even get me started on the neighbors dog that somehow seems to drop turds right in the middle of the sidewalk.

During the month of January, races are few and far between. Which, is exactly why I started my own! And, is exactly why you should sign up. Oh, also you should sign up for prizes. Lots and lots of quality prizes.

For those of you that had one too many glasses of boxed wine, here is the low down on what a virtual race is, why you signed up, if Ryan Secrest is.....you know....or isn't, and what you have to do to win sweet sweet prizes.

I pick the day (Saturday), you pick the time, distance, location, and basically everything else. Just like ~~in the bedroom~~ always, I don't do much of the work
Make sure that you're signed up on my original post here
If you want to treat it like it's own stand alone 5K - great! If you want to do it as part of a different race or run - awesome! If you want to do it naked in the shower by jogging in place for 25 minutes - take pictures!
All that is "required" is that you come back to my blog on January 28th and tell me you ran! If you have a blog, post a report on there about the race and let me know that you did, if you don't just leave a comment. That's it!
Posting pictures of yourself in a blog race report with frozen snot will get you an automatic shout-out in my results post

Who: You and 10s of your closest Boring Runner readers (along with Phoenix area runners on a measured 5K course)
What: 3.1 miles
When: Saturday January 28th, 2012 (Honestly, if you are doing it on Sunday, I'll probably allow it)
Where: Wherever the crap you want! Outside, treadmill, in front of the WII, nude in the shower, wherever!
Why: ~~Because basically everyone is doing it~~ PRIZES!!!

So, with that - all you need is a bib!

(Right click - save from this page for a "bib sized" version)

Remember how I said that there were prizes? Well, fortunately for you I didn't lie! Unfortunately for me, I am horrible at cold-calling companies and asking them to donate to the cause so 90% of this stuff I'm just buying (everything but zero water). So, instead of focusing on the frivolous stuff, I'm getting things that will ACTUALLY get used. Horray! All you need to do to be entered is to sign up for the race!

Zero Water pitcher! Filters out all of the municipal water sludge and helps you run cleaner

(Review to come very shortly!)

Moeben Arm Sleeves!! UV-protected sleeves are made with a handy pocket for a gel packet or small iPod.

I seriously can't even make up these advertisements. Was this the start of a hippie orgie?

Feetures (not a typo) high performance running socks!

Like a condom for your feet (that might be my slogan, not theirs)

Body Glide!!! What better to protect your naughty bits - even in the cold

I kid you not, if you Google Image Body Glide, this picture comes up - I suppose if you're playing soccer in a bikini you WOULD need body glide.....

Nuun!!! No calories, fizz, electrolytes, delicious

Also, if you put Nuun in wine? Not that bad!

11 Random Things

2012-01-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was tagged by The Readhead to post 11 random things about myself and then answer 11 questions. I hesitated to answer these because I was ALSO recently tagged by Jamoosh to post 7 random things about consulting (because I'm a consultant). Turns out, coming up with things about consulting is HARD - and I'm only half way there. So, you get 11 - which is more. Win!

1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people!

11 Rando Things:

1. I am a germophobe possibly boardering on OCD levels - seriously. I mean, I'm not one of those "it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" kind of guys, but you can bet your hand sanitizer that I'm washing my hands after I touch a few too many doornobs.

2. I used to travel for work (full time, 4 days a week, for 7 years) and therefore am REALLY good at killing time on an airplane - not including reading books. I used to fly back and forth to Atlanta from Phoenix and would read blogs offline, do work, read the skymall magazine, obsess over training plans - you name it. This "skill" has came to bite me in the ass a bit when traveling with my wife and son. I'm totally fine doing whatever but my wife gets bored out of her mind.

3. No matter what your thoughts about running coaches, becoming one is one of the most fun things I've done in my spare time (other than ~~being naked~~ running) for quite some time. It is rewarding, challenging, and inspiring all at the same time.

4. I moved to Phoenix (from Kansas City) 2.5 years ago and have completely become a cold-weather wuss. In fact, this weekend it was "only" 64 degrees out and I wore a long sleeve sweater.

5. I've become entirely too used to running 60+ miles per week. Actually, that is wrong. I've become entirely used to eating the 3,000 calories a day that running 60+ miles a week requires. I'm up a pretty solid 4 pounds in the last week and a half. (Which, if a pound is 3,500 extra calories, seems about right)

6. I'm a pretty emotional guy. I wouldn't be lying when I say that I shed a tear for Dathan coming in 4th during the US Olympic Marathon Trials. Fortunately, he's already been to the Olympics twice in the 10k and is the favorite to appear a 3rd time - so, he'll be fine.

7. Very frequently I wish that I had a more "amazing" job. My brother in law is a pilot, my dad is a farmer, and I'm an IT consultant specializing in program management with an emphasis in internal operations. My client isn't even all that "sexy" - a biz to biz distributor. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

8. Ummm (stretching for more facts)... I've been shoulder deep inside of a cow before.

9. Uhhhhhhh (more stretching)... I very often have huge blogger guilt about not posting more frequently than I do.

10. It never ceases to amaze me how before I had kids I never understood when people said "I'd die for them" but the second after my son was born it clicked and I thought to myself "Yup, in a heartbeat".

11. I rarely tag people at the end of things like this because I am always SOOO late on them (see also the 7 consulting things that I'm still working on). I doubt this will be an exception to that precedent.

Ok, second part - here are the questions that Morgan asked of me!

1. What is the last thing you took a picture of?
I used $100 of my birthday money (which was in July - yeah, I'm a hoarder) and spent it all on booze this weekend. I bought the hat trick - including beer, wine, and whiskey. One thing I've always wanted to try was one of these "fancy" boxed wines. I took a picture to tweet that had the caption "Yeah, that just happened - boxed wine. I'll let you know how it is"

The result? Not too bad. Not great, but certainly better than two buck chuck or some other <$5 bottle. The downside? With FOUR full bottles (3L) in the box, it is REALLY hard to judge how much I'd drank. Normally once I get ~~through the bottle~~ through half the bottle I know it is time to quit. Not so much with Mr Black Box.

2. What finally made you decide to write your blog?
Finally!? I've been doing it for like 4 years!? :) A buddy of mine started one and I 100% copied him.

3. If you had to listen to one song on repeat for the rest of your life, what would it be?
My music tastes are a lot like my personality and blog style. ~~Gangsta rap with beats on the 5s and 9s.~~ Nothing too serious with a side of humor. So, my song would be BareNaked Ladies: Some Fantastic. Give a listen, you won't be disappointed.

Sweet unplugged version:

Studio version:

4. What's one item on your 'bucket list'?
Boston.Marathon. In all seriousness, this thing has become my unicorn. Which, based on the race logo - very appropriate.

5. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be?
When I was younger, I always wanted to be on Nickelodeon's Double Dare. That show just SEEMED fun. It was like a human version of mouse trap.

The real answer, of course, would be the TLC reality show "How [Winning] the Lottery Changed My Life". (Is that answer like asking a wishing genie for 3 more wishes?)

6. If you could start your own race, what distance would it be?
Umm, I already have - TWICE! 5K. You should go sign up.... NOW.

7. What would you name said race?
Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K. Or, if that was somehow taken, Sweat Your Thorns Off 5K.

8. If you were forced to eat like something other than how you eat now, which would you choose? (Vegetarian, Vegan, Paleo, Pescetarian, Kosher, Cannibal, etc...)
Cannibal!? Jeeze, this meme sure did take a turn for the bizarre. I'd like to eat like those bastards that are always 100 pounds and shoving their face full of pizza all the time - all the while saying "I just can't seem to gain any weight!! I must have a high metabolism"

9. If you could rid the world of one social application, which would it be?
I saw that someone had answered Farmville. Agreed!! That game is almost like boxed wine. People always make fun of it and say "omg, WHO would drink [play] that!?!?" But, last time I checked there were literally more Farmville players than ACTUAL farmers. So, I guess someone must like it!

10. If you could choose just one person to train with for a training cycle who would it be?
This honestly was the hardest question in the whole list. My gut says Ryan Hall. He is the fastest active American marathoner in history. But, I question how much of his training would translate to what I'm doing? Who knows - probably not much, but I'd be willing to give it the 110 mile a week try!

11. If you were a guest at our wedding what would you bring as a gift based on what you know about Spike and I?
Okay. We all know weddings are 90% about girls. Sure, girls humor guys asking them what they want, giving them input here and there, but the reality is that girls think about their wedding day from the time that they are 6. Any guys that think about their wedding day from the age of 6 unfortunately can't get legally married in 47 states. Because of that, whenever I'm invited to a wedding where the people are my friends and not my wife's, I always try to get something for the husband. As a result, Spike would be getting a signed copy of one of the Harry Potter books. Huzzah!!!

So, in true 11th fact fashion..... No taggie for me. BUT, if you haven't done this - do it and comment here. I'll totally do a post and link back!

Funny Foto Friday: Body Hair Art

2012-01-20T08:09:00.000-08:00

I've made mention on a number of occasions that I don't have a lot of body hair. In fact, I had a guy convinced in college that I shaved my arms. (Who did he think I was!? A triathlete?) I'm sort of like the little Taco Bell Chiwawa with random tufts of hair to remind everyone that I am indeed still male. (Of course, that hair is normally in the form of a uni-brow that would make Bert and Ernie jealous.)

That isn't the case for everyone. In fact, it seems that there are two subsets of the population that are blessed in the body hair department - middle aged dudes and college guys. I recently ran across a website, http://www.barbershopconnect.com/, that not only shows men in all of their wooly mammoth splendor, but also shows off their "creative talents". Happy Friday!

His handlebar mustache goes ALL the way down....and around his nipples?

Ok, THIS is just creepy. Devotion? Blasphemy?

The only way it could be more patriotic would be if he was wearing flag underwear

I don't even know what this is supposed to be - he just looks freaking cool

Who needs argyle?

?????

Transformer: By day, college student. But, by night..... sex panther.

YES YES YES!! I seriously want to do this..... if I could

Obligatory dorm room in the background

I'm not sure what is more gross.... the fact that is this BACK hair

or the fact that you can tell he has a hairy hairy ass.

Finally, if this doesn't say creepy, then you need to do more google image searches. Happy Friday!

Marathon Training and Core Work

2012-01-19T11:29:00.000-08:00

I’m running!! After a 3 day hiatus after my Rock and Roll Arizona marathon, I’m back to pounding the pavement again. I ran 3 miles at 7:45 pace. If I am being honest? It hurt somethin’ fierce. (Best said with a bit of a southern drawl and a corn cob pipe - and a banjo) I’ve never recovered very quickly from all out marathons and this one was no exception. My quads are still actually a bit sore to the touch - although, I’m finally not walking with a ~~corn cob pipe in the deliverance butt~~ gangster limp.

Swagger
No idea why I took this picture a few months back
(I'm not even sick now!)

I’d like to think that my poor recovery is because I have a high pain tolerance during the race. But, isn’t that what everyone WANTS anyone else to think when they hurt? “Yeah, I’m in pain. It is probably a 6 on the pain scale. But, I have a HIGH PAIN TOLERANCE so it is probably like a 11 on your pain scale. I’m just going to grunt through it. You’d be crying in the fetal position though. You suck” This is most often said by my wife whenever she is sick. Truth is, I’m almost entirely convinced that it IS because I’m a complete wuss. It’s OK though, what I lack in pain tolerance I make up for in swagger.

As I turn the page on another marathon cycle, I always like to do a few things in an attempt to avoid the Marathon Blues. (That lack of goals feeling that leads to watching Biggest Loser on the couch while eating an entire bag of baked Doritos. You know, because baked is healthier.) I usually take a bit of time to reflect on the marathon training cycle gone by (consulting speak: a post mortem) and try to once again start doing all of the things that I harp on to the people I coach: core work, strength training, cross training.

Right now I’m really focusing on core work and plan to work in the others as the weeks go on. The great thing about core is that:

I already have a really good core routine courtesy of Jamoosh and his Hard Core Club v1 (before he got all commercial with v2)
When you get a 6 pack you can be one of “those people” that seems to always have their shirt off no matter what
~~I can finally get those porn star “star” tattoos on my belt line~~
It doesn’t require any “tools” or a gym membership, just me, a yoga mat, and some lovely gravity that was so much of a pain in the ass the last time I went out drinking
Most importantly, core really IS important for running speed and endurance.

From Runners World (as well as a few medical articles I’ve read):
As you extend your stride or quicken the rate of your leg and foot turnover when you're trying to pick up your pace, the lower abs-including the transversus and rectus abdominis-and lower back are called into action. The stronger and more stable these muscles are, the more force and speed you can generate as you push off the ground. As you're nearing the end of a race, a solid core helps you maintain proper form and run efficiently, even through fatigue. With strong lower abs and lower-back muscles, such as the erector spinae, it's easier to stay upright. If your core is weak, you may end up shuffling, slouching, and putting too much stress on your hips, knees, and shins.

So, a strong core makes you go faster and last longer. Sign me up!! Something tells me that those two traits will have benefits during activities other than running. (Biking, duh). I'm starting out with planks, situps, pushups (surprisingly good on your core), and side raises and moving on to some of the more advanced positions. 6 pack and star tattoos here I come!

Do you core? What are your favorite core exercises?

Try it Tuesday: Zensah Compression Sock Review

2012-01-17T17:20:00.000-08:00

First, thanks for all of the words of encouragement on my RnR Arizona Marathon race report! Going for that aggressive of a goal, I knew that there was a 50/50 chance of a spectacular explosion. Giving myself a sort of consolation prize, I suppose that it speaks volumes to my current level of fitness that the race on Sunday was my 5th fastest (out of 15) marathon ever.

Yesterday I was having a good email conversation back and forth with Jamoosh, who also had some marathon race issues, during which he made a good point about races being a snapshot in time. (He posted a really good summary of it) Sometimes the snapshot captures you riding a unicorn – other times the unicorn is poking out your teeth with it’s unicorn horn. On Sunday, I got the horn (TWSS).

Second (I’ll get to the socks, promise – because they ruled) how has your training been going for the Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K Virtual race? ~~I’ve been moping around the house complaining about my sore quads.~~ I’m planning on using this race to get back into speedy form and set a baseline of my fitness. How are you using the race???

----------------------------------------------------------

A week or so ago, the marketing guru behind the Zensah twitter feed tweeted me asking if I wanted to try on a pair of recovery socks and let the world know what I thought. Since I KNEW that I had a big time marathon coming up and would need some compression (foreshadowing perhaps?) I kindly said “yes please” and before I could say “How do you pronounce Zensah?” I had a new black pair of snuggly compression socks in my hands. Also? I had these two in my hands.

For the record? Those folks at Zensah are no dummies...

Zensah compression socks make use of graduated compression to enhance blood circulation and oxygen flow to increase performance. With Zensah compression socks, you are able to run farther, bike longer, and train harder. Our compression socks are the only compression socks to incorporate arch support as part of the compression sock - allowing your legs to last longer during marathons, races, or long rides. The compression socks have been designed and engineered by athletic trainers using seamless technology which ensures superior comfort and prevents any chafing or skin irritation common with other compression socks. The compression socks make use of graduated compression technology to provide muscle support for both your shins and calves.

So, if you skimmed over that, essentially what they said was that Zensah has arch support AND seamless technology that combine to make them perfect for wearing while on the run. Seems like solid thinking. I tried mine out after my race on Sunday and really liked not only how they went on rather easily but at the same time seemed to feel tighter than some of the other socks I’ve bought before. Per the Zensah website, compression socks are great for racing, recovery, and traveling. I used mine for recovery and traveling my ass from the chair to the fridge.

Even though I cramped up during the race, I could really tell that my lower legs received some much needed TLC post race. Today, two days post race, my calves and shins feel right as rain where as my non-compressed quads feel dark like the bottom of an underwear drawer.

Pros:

I didn’t feel like I was going to give myself a hernia pulling the things on
Soft, supple calves - the day of a marathon
~~Zensah models in their brochures~~
While I didn’t review them, Zensah also offers a “compression dress sock” which saves me from explaining why my socks are strange colors

Cons:

At $50, they aren’t cheap enough to have 10 pairs, but they are cheap enough to have a few in the rotation
Only non-black/white color that were offered for men was pink. Pink? Hmmm

Overall? I honestly think that the Zensah socks are some of my favorite thus far. I really like the fact that they go on without feeling like I'm busting a nut but also are snug enough that you can run in them. So, they get my seal of approval:

Rock and Roll Arizona Marathon Race Report!

2012-01-16T09:40:00.000-08:00

Normally for a race report post, I'd save the exhausted, spread eagle picture until the end. But, for this race report, it deserves to be front and center. Afterall, this race turned out to be a combination of the exhaustion on my face, the look of concern on the little girl behind me, and the mid-chew look of disgust from the girl's mom. (Who ARE they judging anyway? They are lucky I didn't drop 'trow right there and swap out my sweat soaked pants.) I said in my race preview that poor races make for spectacular blog post. Well, prepare to be amazed!

Time: 3:30:55
Pace: 8:02
Place: 428/3863
AG Place: 61/335

The race weekend itself actually started on Thursday. I'm friends with the Social Media lead at the Competitor group who told me about a press conference about the race. All of the major networks were there. I tweeted that I would photobomb the taped coverage for $10, and I had some takers, but I had to get back to work and I didn't want running away in dress shoes to screw up my feet. Next time I suppose.

Tempe, AZ mayor Hugh Hallman talking about how he was going to run the 1/2 course twice

On Friday, I actually took the entire day off to do the expo how expos are supposed to be done. 2.5 hours of free sample, blogger friend meeting, running skirt trying on good times! The Rock and Roll group REALLY knows how to put on great expos and this time they didn't disappoint. No sooner did I walk in the door that a local blogger and Team in Training coach Mike tracked me down. We chatted about race strategy, the new course, ~~pre-run pooping~~, and all things running.

I also saw some of the Phoenix blogger crew! Lauren was working the Asics booth, Adrienne and Demi were running the full. It was good to connect with them and give them the guilt trip about attending the Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K virtual race in person. Fortunately, I think it might have worked for 2 out of the 3!

I promise I didn't smell. But I guess Adrienne thought that Lauren smelled better?

Finally I was able to meet up with my friend Maya the previously mentioned Social Media director for Competitor. She is the real person behind all of the Rock and Roll facebook pages and twitter accounts. We chatted about the logistics of putting on a race like this - mostly because I'm a huge dork and love to get into stuff like that. I'm going to team up with her soon and get some cool posts out that are behind the scenes.

The one and only thing that was missing from the expo? ~~A slip and slide lubed up with GU.~~ BEER! Well, and wine. What the crap?! I had gone mostly alcohol free the week leading up to the race and was looking forward to splurging 2 to 3 oz at a time. In fact, I was going to see how long it took before they realized that I had already been by! Nothing says "classy" like getting buzzed on 2 oz of beer at an expo! All all of my scheming was for naught - no beer to be found.

Sugar sugar everywhere. Too bad that it didn't meet up with some yeast first

One of the Biggest Loser dudes was at the expo as well. I took one of those corporate sponsored pictures where they email you it afterwards but it hasn't shown up yet. I'm sure I'm now on their mailing list though to receive a million messages about their foundation......not that I am bitter. Sometimes I feel like these deals are a bit like MarathonFoto and their incessant emails. "It's Martin Luther King day! What better way to celebrate than to order a picture of yourself at mile 22 of your marathon?"

Since it was a bit slow at the time, I was able to chat with him (I'll look up his name as soon as I get my picture in my email.....again, not that I am bitter) for quite a while about the show, how he was able to make a living post-show (he is on the road 41 weeks a year!), and keeping his weight off. Joking aside, he is one of the more public outputs of the show and I do think it is amazing that he has been able to stay fit.

Finally, right as I was walking out the door, a gloss black mannequin caught my eye. It was covered completely in a KT Tape competitor:

It was only upon closer inspection that this mannequin was VERY VERY anatomically correct. I am not going to even circle it, I'll just let you see for yourself. Of course, I assumed that this implied other "benefits" from the tape so I immediately bought a dozen.

Marathon "stuff" for race day. Whomever said that running didn't take a lot of stuff was WRONG. Either that, or they were running naked like my KT Tape covered friend above.

Really quick - if you take a look at the above picture, you can see a custom bib that Maya made for me to pin on my back. While it says "follow me" as you'll find out when you read below, most people were reading that as they were blowing past me at mile 22.

The race!!

Miles 0-6.5 (Hurry up and wait, and then RUN) - 7:12 pace
I arrived at the start of the full marathon pretty early and settled into my normal routine. A bit of gatoraide, some water, and a banana. I went for a quick warm up jog and settled into the corral - only to find that the race was delayed 30 minutes. UGH. I understand why they did it - a bunch of racers were stuck in traffic and they only had specific windows during which they could delay the race because of train schedules. A delay of 5 minutes meant a minimum delay of 30 minutes so that the course wouldn't be blocked off by a train. Delay aside, the starting line was really well organized and surprisingly not crowded - mostly because the half marathoners were starting at a different spot. This was a GREAT change that RnR made for this race this year.

Anyway, once we got going things were great! I was right on my race plan starting out with 7:30 pace and then settling into 7:10 pace. My legs settled out around mile 3 and I started to cruise. Full steam ahead!

Miles 6.5-13.1 (Isn't Arizona supposed to be flat?) - 7:16 pace
The course was changed slightly this year to be straighter with fewer turns and therefore faster. However, I had modified my original race plan slightly from what I previously thought because of the ever so slight incline from mile 5 to mile 12. Over the course of those miles, we gradually gained 300 feet or so. Instead of pushing down to 7:00 pace I decided to stay at 7:15 pace as not to get my HR too high. I executed this great and was right on pace with a 13.1 split of 1:34:50. Right on track for a 3:10 finish!

However, one thing started to happen right around mile 5 that I was afraid was going to come back to haunt me. I started to get the puke-burps. You know, that feeling of your stomach being WAYY too full and just a little bit of stomach "stuff" coming back up. (Luckily, no chunks) FUN. As a result, I couldn't stomach as much liquid as I knew that I needed. I honestly tried to put it out of my head - not wanting to screw up a race before the half, but looking back deep down I knew that I needed more electrolytes.

Running at mile 13. I can only assume my heel strike foot leveled out to land with perfect form

Miles 13.1-20 (Scrreeeeeetch.....stop) - 7:28 pace
Around mile 15 I saw Trisha Miller (elite runner who I interviewed - she was at mile 19) looking GOOD. I knew that she had to have been leading because she had a bike escort.

Anywhoo, I was continuing to click away miles but I felt a strange tingle in my ~~pants~~ quads. It wasn't until mile 17 that my quads said "Hey, let's take a break from all of this running nonsense. It's a great day! We should take a walk and spend 20 more minutes out here". And with that, my quads locked up. Full stop. When they locked up I was still on pace for a 7:15 finish. But, as anyone who has ran a marathon knows, until you are across the finish line, anything can happen. I'm trying to decide in my head which would be worse - having to poop on course or quads locking up. Based on the spectacular times I put in for the last few miles, I'm going to say that pooping would be much much better.

Miles 20-26.2 (suck suck suck suck suck suck) - 8:03 pace
As I look at my garmin stats, by mile 20 I was still on 3:13 finish pace. I had ran one mile of 8:30 and one mile of 8:20 but overall I was still doing decent. I stretched out my legs and was able to power through the sinking feeling of a race slipping away. But around mile 21, the wheels officially came off and I felt like I walked more than I ran.

We've all done it before, first you walk the aid stations, but then before you know it the aid station was 30 seconds ago. Start to run again but your legs won't move right and the run feels awkward. In fact, the pain in my legs screwed with my gait enough that once the race was done my foot and knee were VERY sore (thankfully, not as sore today). I turned in a few 10:30 miles and even an 11:11 mile. Good for some, but 4 minutes off my goal pace. Not exactly how to set a PR. I could elaborate more, but essentially I death marched it in from 21 on. Lots of walking, grabbing at my legs in pain, you know the drill.

As I look back, I think that there are a few things that lead to my disaster of a race:

Puke burps. Where did THOSE come from?
Not enough electrolytes because of burps
Hotter than normal temps. I had planned for about 10 degrees cooler w/ long sleeves. Should have trusted my instincts
Should have eased up even more on the hill between 6-12. I still wonder if a few seconds here or there could have at least delayed cramps

Overall, I am happy with my performance through 18 or even 20 miles or so. But, after that I become VERY frustrated that my body didn't cooperate like I wanted it to. The Rock and Roll group puts on a solid, consistent race with lots of amenities. I think that I could have benefited from some Endouralyte tablets and better fueling. In the back of my head, I do wonder if my puke-burps were due to the level of effort that I was putting out or if it was due to some other reason. If I am being true to myself, it is probably a combination of both. But, all are things that I can adjust and move forward with!

Drinking a Michelob ultra skinny can post race

I'm assuming the only way to drink beer like that is with your pinky up?

Remember the interview I did with Trisha Miller? Yeah SHE WON! She broke 2:50 and cruised to a win by 40 seconds. She said that she received a great Sally Meyerhoff trophy.

Since I always get shit for not posting, here it is! I like how it isn't obnoxious but is still high quality. Of course, the irony is that it was cloudy for the entire weekend. Valley of the sun!

So, what is next? ~~Eat my weight in ice cream while crying in the tub~~. I'm not 100% sure. I am going to do a late spring marathon to redeem myself but I haven't 100% locked down where it will be. I have a few on a short list (WI? MT?) but I haven't fully committed to pulling the trigger. I'll be the first to admit that I need to do it SOON. I'm very much goal driven and without something on the horizon, 10 milers turn into 7 milers and 18 mile long runs turn into 12 mile strolls around the neighborhood.

Rock and Roll Arizona Race Preview and Goals

2012-01-14T15:51:00.000-08:00

Celebrating before I even run a step.

Nothing bad ever happens from that, right?

(Picture taken by a complete stranger)

On Sunday, I will be running my 15th marathon and my second Rock and Roll Arizona marathon. You would think that having ran that many races ~~I'd be a lot faster~~ it would be old hat by now - but just like that dude who spent his life savings on Beanie Babies knowing that their popularity wouldn't die, you'd be dead wrong. Just like every big race, I'm nervous, and the US marathon trials today only made it worse!

Fortunately though, the expo on Friday had enough highly refined sugar to cause a high and subsequent fall that would make a meth addict impressed:

However, while I am nervous and still riding a slight sugar high it doesn't mean that I am unprepared. While I wish I had another month, my training has went well enough to be hopeful for big things during this race. Since Savannah, I've ran 5 solid weeks of training with a few weeks recovery and am ready! And therefore, I have high goals.

For those new to the blogoroo, and for those of you that KNEW it was coming, here are my definitions of A, B, and C goals. I always ALWAYS have a range of what I'd like to do on race day. Just like one of those all you can eat buffets, you're going to be there for a long time. Having no strategy will lead to eating wayyyy too much cheap salad and not nearly enough delicious buffet steak. (Just using the term delicious and buffet steak in the same sentence gives me diarrhea) There are a lot of factors that can swing me from an A goal to a B goal and so on. Including:

Bad weather / wind. You have to race the day as much as you race the course
Poor nutrition
Injury leprechaun
Poop

My A goal is if everything works right, unicorns and rainbows collide into an orgasm inducing run. Something like this:

My C goal is the time that, if I don’t beat, I’ll be very disappointed in myself. Something like this lady:

My B goal is a goal that is somewhere between rainbow orgasms and total failure. Something like this:

So, with that, here are my goals for the race tomorrow. Aggressive? Yes, very very aggressive.

A goal: Sub 3:10
B goal: Sub 3:14
C goal: Sub 3:19

For this race, I'm putting it all on the line and going for broke. I figure that conditions will never be better for me to run a killer race. I'm at home, eating my own food, ~~drinking my own wine~~, pooping in my own toilet, and running in the weather conditions that I train in. So, my race strategy is to run the first 5 miles, slowly going from a 7:30 pace to a 7:00 pace and then holding on to 7:00 pace as long as possible. I know that I could run 7:00 for 18-20 miles, but the big question is how much longer can I hold it? (That's what she said) This strategy is NOT the one that I would advise most to use. (Going out 10 seconds a mile faster than goal pace) However, I feel like I am in the best shape of my life, the last 6 miles of the race are a very gradual downhill, and horrible races make for excellent blog posts. My pain is your gain!!

So, I know what the crazy runner freaks are saying to themselves: ~~this post has too many words, not enough Shalane Flanagan~~ my A goal is 5 min slower than the current Boston Qualifying time of 3:04. Whenever I tell anyone that I'm running a marathon they almost immediately ask "Going for your Boston Qualifying time!?" Honestly? I'm not there yet. Believe me, I WANT to run a BQ - but part of running your best race is knowing how hard to push it.

I recently told a friend who is running her first marathon tomorrow that "if it feels hard during the first half, you're running WAAYYYY too fast". Right now, BQ for me is too fast. But, I suppose that doesn't mean that I can't blow up, pee my pants, and do the walk of shame while trying!

Funny Foto Friday: Smart Assed Signs & What I am training for

2012-01-13T06:46:00.000-08:00

I have all kinds of asses. There is "dumb ass" whenever I try to spell the word "of" using "ove". (Come on, love? dove? ove??) There is "hard ass" ~~when I am flexing naked in the mirror~~ when I don't let my son play in the trash can. And then there is "smart ass" when I am at my comedic best.

Today's funny foto friday is yet another example of people saying "yeah, its vandalism, but it is soooo funny". Well done sir, well done.

Believe me, if you COULD smoke pie, high schoolers have tried it

Mmmm, bacon flavored water

This is also how I deal with the shame of a bad joke

Speechless. Hilarious, but speechless.

I'm scared as to how many people have tried this.

Nerdy? Yes. Hilarious? Maybe.

Redbull gives you winnnngggs!!!!

Finally, a twitter friend (which of course isn't any less than a "in the flesh friend") sent me this picture and I HAD to share. I tried to censor it as best I could, so if you don't like swears.....sorry. This is now going to be my new answer when anyone asks the question. Happy Friday!

Three Things Thurs: Marathon Trials, Hometown Race, & Poop

2012-01-12T16:04:00.000-08:00

I think I’ve only jumped on the three things bandwagon (blogger buddy Morgan’s brainchild) a handful of times, but today I felt that I had to crank out some bullets. Two bullet posts, one week!? I’m on a roll!

First, don’t forget to check out my interview with elite runner Trisha Miller? She’s running Rock and roll AZ with me (or, maybe like 35 min in front of me) this weekend. She talks about training, how she’s cut 40 minutes off of her marathon time, poop, fueling, and poop. Did I mention poop?

Second, I can NOT tell you how excited I am to be running a marathon in the city I live in. It has been 2 years since I’ve done one at home. I’ll post about it ad-nauseam in the coming days, but I love how I can look forward to sleeping in my own bed, knowing where I need to go, and being able to sound smart when people are visiting. “Oh, you want to know where THAT is? Hmmmm. . . .Let me call my wife, I’ll bet she knows.”

Finally, when I’m not obsessing about ~~whether I could pull off jeggings (Answer: YES!!)~~ about my race this weekend, I’m obsessing about the USA Olympic Marathon Trials on Saturday. I’m not sure why this 4 year Olympic cycle has hit me like an intervention at Lidsey Lohan’s birthday, but I’m hooked. You see, while most other countries select their runners over the course of 6 months (Kenyans already have 2 of 3 marathoners selected, same for the British) we Americans do it in one big blow. Top 3 men and women get to go to London. Losers walk home. It is just like a wild west gold rush!! Only, with less beards and more teeth.

In the United States, I’ve been told that there is no official live stream. However, I do know that NBC is going to be broadcasting 2 hours of delayed footage mid afternoon. Until then, check out these awesome videos of a few of the hopefuls training. Honestly, they’re just of people running. . . but they look like they’re jogging. . . . except their running 5:00/mile.

Watch more video of Made In Detroit: A Hansons Brooks Series on flotrack.org

Interview with Trisha Miller - Elite marathoner running Rock and Roll Arizona

2012-01-11T10:00:00.000-08:00

Trisha with her (also elite) fiance Andy after her win at Rock and Roll Denver

A few weeks ago I had a light bulb moment that it would be fun to interview one of the elite runners who is also running the Rock and Roll Arizona marathon. One thing lead to another and ~~I sold a kidney on the black market~~ I was put in contact with Trisha Miller. If you don't remember Trisha's story, you can read about it in my previous post. In short her first marathon was a 3:30 when she was in her 20s and she is now running a 2:51. (Read: she is FAST)

Since I am certainly no interview expert, I decided to open it up to my readers to ask some of their questions. Questions ranged from training, nutrition, to makeup, and even poop (guess who asked about that last topic :). Here is what everyone asked and what Trisha said!

Laura asked: http://www.50by25.com/

Were you a runner growing up? What kind of times did you run in that darned twice yearly mile we all had to run in gym class?
I was not a runner growing up. I was athletic though, played a lot of soccer, skiing, gymnastics, dance ... but never running specifically. I do vaguely remember having to run a timed mile in middle school, but I have no idea what my time was. I'm sure I didn't come in first, or last for that matter. The fact that I can't remember my time probably means it was less than spectacular.

What is a typical week like for you in terms of workouts? Do you cross-train, weight lift, etc?
I work 8-5, M-F so that gives me a pretty regimented week, so I'm sure my schedule is like a lot of runners out there. I would say in a typical week, I run every day. Tuesday is usually a track workout, Thursday or Friday is another speed type workout and Sunday is long run day. The other days are easy or recovery runs or some combo of easy and faster pace work. Now that I have a coach writing my training programs, the workouts all included a little of everything. I don't cross train too much, especially in the winter. In the summer, I do enjoy road biking, or I may dabble with a triathlon or two... All last year I did a lot of plyometrics - I took a class once or twice a week. I also do yoga on to two times a week. I am a big fan of yoga.

Laura asked http://www.undeterrable.com/
What aspect of training do you think made the most impact in cutting so much time off?
Definitely adding miles. No question about it. I was training about 40-50 miles a week, peaking at about 60. I added about 20 miles a week to that before Eugene. Made a HUGE difference. (Note - I'm not sure I recommend this. They say add only 10% more miles a week, and I don't want anyone to get hurt.)

Danny asked http://quest4three.blogspot.com/
As you have gotten faster at long distance, has your sprint time improved any (i.e. 100m/200m)?
I'm sure it has, as I feel faster... but I haven't really measured it. I did have a PR in the 5K last summer. I also ran a timed mile this summer on the track (a real mile :) It was my first timed mile since probably that middle school mile mentioned above. I just showed up at track one Tuesday, and our Run Wild Missoula track coach (Canadian Olympian Courtney Babcock - she's nothing short of amazing!!) said 'Today is the timed mile!' Normally, I'd opt out and do mile repeats or something... but I was in between marathon training programs, so I'd though I try it. I clocked a 5:19. I had no idea I could do that. I may try again this summer. Maybe I'll get a 5:15.

What's the most bizarre thing you think of during a training run?
Oh, jeez... so many things run through my mind. I'd say about a month ago I was running, and somehow that "Smelly Cat" song from Friends was stuck in my head. It was a 13 or 14 mile run. I couldn't shake it!

Joni asked

What do you do for nutrition during your marathons?
I try to take 4 gels and drink whatever sports drink is on hand. I like Gu and Gu Roctane. Hammer gel is great too... but no caffeine. I can only eat fruit flavors though. Gels that are the flavors of cake batters or coffee gross me out.

Where we should eat our pre-race meal in Missoula, I just signed up for the 2012 Run Wild!
Yes!! This is so awesome!! Missoula Marathon is such a beautiful course, and I know I'm partial... but Missoula is a fabulous town. You will love it. You should eat at Cafe Dolce pre-race. Hand made pasta & pizza (and gelato!) Nothing is pre-fab and it's very, light Italian fare. Go early, it's always busy. Whoever this is - please find me and say Hi!! Also, for the rest of you out there (shameless plug :) come check out what Runner's World voted at the BEST OVERALL MARATHON! www.missoulamarathon.com

Christina asked http://lazybonesrunning.blogspot.com/
Does she use mascara when she runs? If yes, what brand?
Ha ha. Sorry. No mascara for me.

Mike asked http://blog.ransick.org/
Favorite recovery meal, favorite snack, favorite workout?
Favorite recovery meal: Fish burrito from a Taco Del Sol, a local burrito shop. I'm salivating right now thinking about it! Favorite snack: Baked potato chips dipped in fat free sour cream. Favorite workout: I do enjoy a mid-week long run with some speed work.... something like 14 with 6 or 7 x 1 mile at race pace or faster. It's tough... but I always feel so accomplished when done! It's a big confidence booster too.

Adam asked (ME!!!!!)
Which is more important, placing well in a race or running the time to qualify for the olympic trials? Better asked, would you rather.....win RnR AZ or qualify?
Neither actually. Don't get me wrong, winning a race is awesome! But I've always been more competitive with myself then the other runners around me. The marathon is really quite special in the fact that so much of the race is actually pacing, not racing. You have to be smart and know your limits. You can't train at 10 minute mile, then go out race day and try to break 3 hours. You're going to blow up. I've always set min/mile pace or overall time goals for myself. I look at how hard I've trained, and set my goal accordingly. Also, I can't qualify for the trials until 2 years before. So starting in 2014, the trials time will probably be my focus.

What is your advice for someone wanting to be faster?
Get with a training group and go to track workouts. Find runners who are just slightly faster than you and train with them. Talk to them about their training and what kind of runs they are doing. I had no idea what a track workout was or what the heck a tempo run was until I started running with Run Wild Missoula. You have to work hard. Seriously. You have to run hard, really hard. It's scary and it hurts, but reaping the benefits are in my opinion spectacular. I'm also a firm believer that all runners are different and what worked for me, might not work for someone else. So, if you aren't into the group thing, I would say get online and read up on all the different training plans. Find what a successful pro does and dial it back to a level comfortable for you. A good place to start is McMillian or Jack Daniels websites.

Finally, I’m known for a bit of potty humor on my blog – do elites have issues with runners gut?
Who doesn't? If you're a runner, you have to deal with it. I know girls aren't supposed to poop or fart... but come on! I am not shy about this topic at all :) I call it the 'Fever" ... you're sweating and you have to go NOW!! In fact, both Andy [Trisha's (also) elite fiance who is going for sub 2:30 at Rock and Roll Arizona] and I talk potty humor all the time. I suppose it's just the joy of having two runners in a relationship. In Missoula, the public restrooms at parks and such all close in October and don't open again until the spring (wouldn't want any pipes to burst in the cold!) so you have to know where the toilets are AND I always pack TP in case of emergency. I've learned I can't eat 2 hours prior to a run and I also know I can't eat hummus or anything bean based if I have a run in the near future. The more you practice, the more likely you are not to get 'the fever.' Race day morning, I like bland oatmeal, non-flavored and no sugar. Tastes like crap, but works for me.

Thanks again goes to Trisha for answering my questions during what is likely a VERY busy taper period and to the Rock and Roll marathon group for putting me in touch. If it wasn't for you, the world might never have seen this picture! And that, would have been a travesty!

Race Prep, billionaire idea, serving up my dignity

2012-01-09T09:43:00.000-08:00

I haven’t done a straight up “here’s my life” bullets post in far too long (Read: maybe like a week, tops). Here’s whats been going on…..

Hey look, it is me!

This week is race week! The PF Changs Rock and Roll Arizona Marathon (PFCRnRAZM for short) is this Sunday! On one hand I’m relaxed because it is a home town race, but on the other hand I’m freaking out a bit because. . . . you know. . .ZOMG!!??!?!!!111!!!!1! IT’S A MARATHON! Not only am I taking Friday off to spend the best 3 hours of my life at the expo, but I’m working on hydrating as much as possible all week long. Which, of course, means that I’m peeing like a horse. Which is good, because people say that I have another part of my body that is like a horse’s. ~~My Face.~~ My teeth. (What were you thinking?)

I have a race strategy rolling around in my head, but I’m going to make you wait until Saturday until I make it public. (Such a tease!) It is sort of an all or nothing approach that involves “go run a marathon” and “don’t die”.

On Friday, I tweeted: “I’m going to start selling office chairs in the color: ‘Crumbs from eating lunch at your desk’. I will be a billionaire.” Although, I wouldn’t have to do the entire chair, just that triangle part at the front near your crotch where the crumbs seem to collect. I’d call it the “crumb color crotch”. Let me stress – BILLIONAIRE.

Wasn't this on The Matrix movie?

Over the holiday, I received a nice set of chocolates from my boss at work. Of course, as if to say “really fatty, eating the whole box huh?” they put the nutrition facts in VERY plain sight when you opened the box. Serving size: my dignity.

For Christmas, my mom got me an entire wine decanting set. Like I needed yet another reason to love wine more than I already do. I’ve tried it out a few times and it does make the wine taste better. The best part though? I can pour an ENTIRE bottle of wine in the thing and it barely makes a dent. Makes me feel a bit better when I polish the entire thing off! “But common mom, I only drank like 1” of the decanter!”

Finally, a picture of my son – just because. Being a baby is exhausting.

Funny Foto Friday: Pinterest Funnies

2012-01-06T06:42:00.000-08:00

First, I have to admit, I took an unplanned rest day today. My Achilles was a bit sore for most of the day yesterday and I didn't want to push it. Normally I would have ran but with 8 days before my next main marathon (Rock and Roll Arizona), I thought that 6 miles wasn't going to make or break the race.

The reason for my sore Achilles? I'm pretty sure it was because I rode my dad's motorcycle to work because I was having car troubles and stretched them out a bit more than normal. Ugh, I'm pretty sure that takes away LOADS of man points.

This week's funny foto friday is brought to you about Pinterest. Have you heard about this site? I'm convinced it is a site for crafty people to post things ~~and show off what they know how to do~~ that are fun and "cute" (according to my wife). Turns out, they also post hilarious pictures - so I had to share some of them that my wife sent me. Enjoy!

Well played sir, well played

I'm not quite sure what pinterest's crafty wall hangings have to do with farts,

but I'm not going to ask questions

Really though? HALF A LITER of farts a day? Oyy.

Finally, totally unrelated, the Presidential election process has started in the United States. For those of you outside of the states (or who flunked 5th grade history), the process starts out with ~~bribes lots and lots of bribes~~ each state voting among 5 or so Republicans and Democrats to get it down to 1 of each. It is kind of like the college basketball final four working to get to the final 2 with a lot more elbow throwing and mud slinging.

Well, the first state to hold such a vote is where I am from - Iowa. It is a small state in size, population, and influence. But, for as much as the rest of the country bitches, the people of Iowa take it very seriously. How did we get first? I have no idea, but this video takes a stab at trying to explain it. Happy Friday!

The Magic Mile

2012-01-04T15:01:00.000-08:00

Have you ever ran a magic mile? (Unfortunately I’m not talking about joining a particular club where the entrance fee is fornication while on a plane. . . . But I guess if you want to share those stories, I’m all ears!!) A magic mile is essentially running a mile FLAT OUT. A little warm up, some light stretching, and then 5,280ft (1609M) of balls out/boobs out running after which you cannot go ANY further. Sounds fun, right? Fun in a soul searching, masochistic, find out what you’re made of kind of a way.

I thought of the magic mile today as I was cranking away at ~~the fiber of my being~~ some mile repeats. They went WAY better than I ever expected that they would. 5:53, 5:49, 5:34 – that last one I pulled out all the stops and gave it nearly all I had at the time (having 5 miles and 2 repeats under my belt). The last repeat is within 12 seconds of my current mile PR. Or, “close ‘nuff for ‘govmnt work”. I haven’t done them in far too long and I was rather surprised at how well they went. In fact, that last one was so close to my stand alone mile PR time that I’m thinking another Magic Mile is in short order.

If you’re interested, here is a YouTube of my last attempt (with my 3 week old son in tow) and the “race report” during which I appear naked.

The Magic Mile is one of the easiest ways to judge your overall fitness. The conditions are fairly easy to control if you run on a track, the recovery time is really quick (vs running a full marathon), and training paces can pretty easily be extrapolated with all sorts of online running calculators, including the McMillian Calculator. Plug in your fastest mile and they’ll forecast out all the way to a marathon. The accuracy isn’t horribly good the greater the distance, but it still gives you a general idea.

I know people who do them every month, but that seems a bit overkill - so I’ll crank them out every 6 months or so. Doing them too often is sort of like weighing yourself before pooping, after pooping, and then after you take a shower. Sure, they’re going to be different, but what is the “real” weight? (hint: after pooping)

So, if you’ve made a new year’s resolution to get faster – why not use your mile time as a gauge for your TRUE speed? If nothing else, it'll show you how fast you can go before you puke!

2012: The Year of the Marathon Lottery

2012-01-02T14:28:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met one of those people who always seems to have good luck? ~~Normally, they go by the nickname "Lucky Bastard" or "My new best friend with the Porsche".~~ It seems that no matter what they do, things are always going their way. You know the type, they are the type that gets food poisoning and get a lifetime of free dinners. Their identity gets robbed, but somehow they end up with a free mobile home. They get hit by a car? Multi-million dollar settlement and weekly happy ending massages. Some people have all of the luck.

I, however, am NOT one of those people. I seem to have to pull myself up with my bootstraps and then use the boots that I just put on to kick life's ass and steal what I want. This year though, like a child licking the cold frozen flagpole time and time again, I am going to tempt fate and ask for punishment. This year I'm entering not one but TWO Marathon Lotteries.

It turns out that running has become such a popular sport that thousands of people actually PAY to put themselves through this:

Actually, shirts are generally encouraged.....

Or yes, even this:

I need to install a counter in my sidebar at the number of times I've used this picture

The reality is that a select few marathons are such an experience that people really do flock to them in the thousands. The two I am going to try for? The New York City Marathon and the St George Marathon. Both races have lotteries and both have less than a 25% chance of getting in. So, while I don't think that I'll actually get into both of them, I know I won't for sure if I don't try.

The NYC marathon really is a MASSIVE popular race. It is called the largest marathon in the world - because it is! Behind Boston, it is probably one of the most recognizable races.

The St George marathon isn't necessarily a big race, it is pretty average - restricted by mountain roads. The reason it is so popular? Check the elevation chart below. It is the marathon equivalent of juicing up and hitting 400 home runs in a single season. So, while I think that it is SLIGHTLY cheating - if Boston wants to continue to make their criteria harder, I'm just going to find races that are downhill enough that I could roll down and Boston Qualify!

Has anyone else had any luck with Marathon lotteries? Anyone I can bribe to get me in?

2011 Running Year In Review

2012-01-01T09:43:00.000-08:00

Before I look back at 2011, I want to ~~schlep a few things~~ point you to a few awesome things to make sure you've seen.

First, my virtual race is still on! Check out this post for the details, but basically if you're a runner you should be running 3.1 miles on January 28th.
Also, check out my previous post and ask elite marathoner Trisha Miller some good questions! I've had a lot on twitter, but the blog peeps are slacking.

2011? Success!! I kept my son alive. Parenting, for the win!

I like looking back at the years gone by. If you don't look in the rear view mirror once in a while, you never know if you're about to back through the closed garage door. The past is there to help us to not make the same mistakes twice (or three times, or four times). So here is a look back at my original goals and where I ended up!

2011 by the numbers:
Miles ran: 2,277
Marathon states added: 3 (Oklahoma, Iowa, Georgia)
PRs set: 3 (Marathon - 3:19, Half marathon - 1:29, 4 mile - 24:58)
Running shoes used: 7 pairs

Run a 3:15 marathon Grade: C- (Ran a 3:19)
This was probably my number one goal for 2011. In an effort to hit this goal, I nearly doubled my mileage, sacrificed running races and sacrificed too many other things than I'd like to count (Read: the layer of skin between my thighs). I had previously been working towards a sub 3:20 and decided to skip past it and just run 3:15 instead. The result? 3:20 and a 4 minute PR. So, I'm getting faster, but not quite fast enough to head to Boston and lick the street where the finish line is painted.

Even my son was exhausted at the thought of a 3:15

Make one attempt at a 3:10 marathon. Grade: B+ (Tried once)
Did it! I tried in Savannah. Although, Yoda would say that trying is bullshit (I think that is a direct quote), but like I said in my goals post, unless you put yourself out there you'll never do it. So, even though this was almost an "automatic" goal, I still like having goals that say that I will at least TRY to do something.

I'm running AND racing!

Run a sub 18:10 5K. Grade: D- (Didn't even THINK about this goal)
FAIL!!!! Complete FAIL. I didn't focus on the 5K distance, I didn't even TRY for a 18:XX time. Although, I suppose I did run a 4 mile race in 6:15 pace, when it was 80 degrees out. I think that is one of the few things that kept this one out of the F range.

Ughhhhhhh. Soooooo sticky

Do some form of core work after EVERY training run. Grade: F- (Nope)
FAIL!!! I don't even think I did this for a week. I don't even have a good excuse. Can I blame this one on politics? It is probably the 99% fault.

Ummpa, loompa FAIL

Volunteer for at least one race. Grade: One of those crappy participation ribbons (Maybe??)
Did I do this? I can't really remember volunteering for a race - but I did host two real races and two virtual races - so that has to count for something, right?

I received a LOT of those in elementary school track

Eat healthier. Grade: A+! (Success!! I did it!)
Finally!!! A goal that I knocked out of the park. While I certainly still eat like a 30 year old guy, I made a specific effort to make sure that all 3500 calories that I ate a day were MOSTLY healthy. But, let's be honest, when I'm eating that much, I'm not eating 3500 calories of kale.

At least cake doesn't make you fart

Interview with an Elite - Trisha Miller

2011-12-30T15:10:00.000-08:00

I thought the suit coat
made me look more professional
Hairbrush mic? Not so much

I rarely "think" when I run. Normally, in my head there is........nothing. However, when I do think the thoughts are doozies. A few weeks back, I thought that it would be fun to interview one of the elite runners who are going to be running the PF Changs Rock and Roll marathon in Phoenix. I put in a quick email to a friend that I have that works for Competitor and bingo-bamo I was put in contact with Trisha Miller.

Simply put, Trisha is FAST. 2:51 marathon at Rock and Roll Denver mile high altitude fast. Honestly, and I don't think that Trisha will mind me saying, that wasn't always the case.

Trisha and her Fiance, Andy, after finishing 2nd at RnR Denver

Here is Trisha's story in her own words:
My childhood friend called me up one day after I graduated college in 2002 and asked me what I was doing all summer. I said I was using my Bachelor's degree to it's full extent and delivering pizzas all summer and enjoying my last few months of freedom. She asked me if I wanted to run the Portland Marathon with her in the fall. I said it sounds like fun, but one question... (the ever popular) "How long is a marathon?" So I bought Hal Higdon's book and followed his beginning training program. I ran a 3:35 I think and someone yelled at me when I was finishing "Great BQ!!" I had no idea what that was. I figured it out eventually, went back to Portland the next year and ran a 3:23.

Grizzly Marathon in MT
(I think she is kicking a bear's ass)

In late 2007, I met my now fiancee (also a 2:30 marathoner) and he really helped me train harder and get faster. I also got a Garmin, so i was finally paying attention to pace. I started training a lot more, got involved with my local running club (Run Wild Missoula - 1,300 members strong! www.runwildmissoula.org) I started going to track workouts and doing tempo runs with others.

I continually knocked off 2 minutes until I got down to 3:02 and ran that time twice in 2010.

I busted my ass that winter. I added a lot more miles to my training, and didn't run a marathon again until Eugene the next spring. Popped a 2:54. This really clicked for me. Then a 2:51 on a tough course at elevation in Denver!

I'm looking to break 2:50 at Rock and Roll Phoenix and someday get down to a 2:45 so I can go to the 2016 trials.

But wait, where are all of the questions??

Here is where I need your help! I could have cranked out a bunch of questions that I thought were insightful and interesting - but where is the fun in that? I'd rather get your input on what we should ask.

So, if you had the chance to ask a wicked fast elite female (and her equally wicked fast fiance) anything you wanted, what would you ask!? Let me know by Monday, I'll compile, and shoot them over to her!

Funny Foto Friday: Post-Holiday Thoughts

2011-12-30T13:52:00.000-08:00

Well, the holiday season is all but wrapped up. The Christmas trees are put away and, based on what my bathroom scale says, the last 2 weeks were approximately 10,000 more calories than I needed. Ho, Ho, Ho!!!

My wife always complains that I can't hear. The truth is, I really can't hear that well sometimes (thanks a bunch 1200 watt car stereo in High School). During the holiday season, I was put in lots of situations when I couldn't hear what the heck people said....

For Christmas, my son received a bunch of magnets for the fridge to play with. He LOVES them. Unfortunately, while stumbling around at 4:30am trying to fill my water bottle to run, I've stepped on them more than once.

Finally, since the birth of my son, my wife and I have had to make a few adjustments in our holiday decorations. We always start out with the best of intentions to keep everything the same, but inevitably we always have to change something. Can you tell what we changed in this picture? Happy Friday!

Setting Goals - Specifically Running Goals

2011-12-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

Applicable to so many of my posts

It is that time of year - time to crank the "way-back" machine to 11 and pull the dipstick out of the oil can of life to see how the last 12 months treated us. Was I a well oiled machine? Or, did I billow blue and black smoke every time that I pushed the pedal?

Goal setting is interesting. One quick search on Amazon and I am lead to believe that I am 2 maybe 3 goals away from world domination. If I could only have a plan of action, THE WORLD IS MINE!!!! The reality is that it takes lots of ~~stepping on others~~ hard work and luck to get where you want to be. Goals should be measureable, and focus on the process. When you do that, the result will come.

Personally, when I set goals, I shoot HIGH. My goal lists are a sandbag free zone. (Sandbagging = setting easily achievable goals) I've just started my look back to 2011 goals post, but let me tell you - it is NOT pretty. I went zero for a billion of my running goals. But, I don't necessarily call that a failure. The reason? Because I 100% believe that setting goals is incredibly mental and not hitting my goal isn't always a failure.

Just say no to sandbagging

(But, say YES!! to awesome Phoenix "winter")

The Boston Marathon recently changed their race criteria for entry. That means that I no longer have to run a 3:10, I must now run a 3:05. Before the change, time and time again I'd hear people say how they qualified with 10 seconds to spare. Not 1 min, 45 seconds. TEN SECONDS. For years it always made me wonder - what if their goal was to run 5 minutes faster than the minimum required? Would they get 10 seconds under that? It is with that in mind that I set my goals HIGH.

But, what about running goals for the ~~non masochistic~~ non Adam people around? Setting the cloud in the sky goals are not the norm. I think that is because most people are not "okay" if they don't hit the goal. Shades of black and white vs the shade of fuschia in which I live my life.

One of my new favorite podcasts, Marathon Talk, broke down setting race goals into 5 great categories. They put it in context of setting a good race pace, but I think that the same applies to how you train and set long-term goals. On the podcast they said, and I agree, that setting a good, realistic goal is essential to not only being successful but FEELING successful in your running. Their categories are as follows:

I just want to finish! As long as I move my arse over the miles, mission accomplished!
I want to have fun! If I am sore at the end of this, I'm going to be PISSED!
I want to have fun and not do the walk of shame at mile 20, but I want to perform at my best.
I want to run as fast as I possibly can - it doesn't matter if I cramp up and run/walk the last 3 miles, if I set a PR, I'm golden!
I have a specific time goal - I don't care if I shit myself mid race, if I hit my time it will be a good run!

Knowing which category above you fall into will help you to set not only a realistic goal, but one that you can be happy with at the end. If you have a goal to just finish, that might mean taking pictures with Disney characters along the way and having 100% no time goal involved. Conversely, if you want to run as fast as you possibly can, you might set a goal to run even splits, try to run 2-3 minutes faster than you think you can, and accept some slight fade towards the end.

But, most importantly, not setting goals is the #1 way to not achieving any. So, what are you waiting for?!

What kind of goal setter are you? Make them soft so that you can fist pump all the way to the finish? Make them hard so that you have to see a unicorn orgasmic to achieve them?

3 Weeks to RnR Arizona! (And 5 weeks to FYTO5K!)

2011-12-26T14:50:00.000-08:00

I'm sure that some of you are wondering.. "What the hell does FYTO5K stand for?" It stands for the Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K! Which, of course, is the virtual race that I am hosting on January 28th. I can't think of a better new years resolution than to resolute to run some crazy, likely not real, online guy's "virtual" race.

If you've never ran a virtual race before, here is what you do (and what you get!):

Goto the race page here and sign up by leaving a comment.
Then, on the 28th, you either run a stand alone 5K or dedicate 3.1 miles of your "normal" run to the race.
Once you have ran, all you have to do is comment back that you did it (a blog race report is nice too) and you're entered into a drawing for some sweet sweet prizes!
Since I'm a pretty flexible guy, you can do it before or slightly after, do it naked in the shower, using the Wii fit, whatever! I'll always link back to race reports and will include pictures of people that post them!

You can check out previous race summaries here, here, or here.

By the way, if you want to include the picture at the right on your blog, feel free! You can save it and ~~bring it to your favorite tattoo artist~~ post it or save it using the link here! http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Zo0Op4W44X4/TrfhYuPvTJI/AAAAAAAAKb4/rRitBw_ptto/s1600/FYTO5K.jpg

-------------------------------------------------------

As I sit here, there are THREE weeks until the Rock and Roll Arizona FULL marathon. As in, 26 miles. Ugh.

My training has been.....going. Not good, but not bad. I have to admit that I probably was a bit aggressive on setting another PR goal marathon within just a few short months of my Savannah marathon. I don't recover all that well after marathons and usually spend most of the week afterwards gimping around like an old lady after a day of K-Mart blue light special shopping. (I need a hover-round)

During this training cycle I've found that I've skipped a mile here, a mile there which has lead me to believe that I'm not pushing as hard as I should have been. The reality is that I'm averaging 60+ miles per week and last week I did 67. So, all told I'm actually in really good shape. I'm negative splitting all of my runs and my "normal" run pace has been reduced by about 20 seconds a mile. Based on that, I should be in for a killer marathon PR!

It seems that I've essentially ran about 10 minutes behind a time or two a week which caused me to drop 2 miles or so that I had previously planned on doing. I'm getting the runs in, just not as long as I should. (Not that I have excuses - I swore those off long ago.)

So, what I am saying, is that my fitness is where it needs to be, but my noggin is a bit unconvinced. So, in the 3 weeks that I have left, I'm going to keep plugging away at my fitness and am going to try to get it through my head that I AM faster. If that doesn't work, I'm just going to try dulling my brain with booze. Has always worked before!

Funny Foto Friday: Jog-Strap

2011-12-23T03:09:00.000-08:00

Running makes you thirsty. We all know that! Unfortunately, a lot of running shorts do not have pockets for water bottles. I can only assume that short manufacturers were taking a page from cyclists and decided to save the extra ounce of material to keep shorts as light as possible.

Good thing for us, Jimmy Fallon was watching TV and found the PERFECT solution! Happy Friday!

I looked and looked online for my own JogStrap, but I mostly was pointed towards men on men "adult" sites and sites that wanted my social security number and bank account information with promises of doubling my money. Obviously they were sold out everywhere I looked.

So, never one to let supply chain issues stand in my way, I decided to create my own!

(Shirt found online at http://raygunsite.com/)

Of course, I seem to require a lot of fluids, so I went with my huge 24 oz bottle and a compression sock

Worked like a charm!

(Brazilian) Secret Santa Revealed!

2011-12-22T10:48:00.000-08:00

Recently I threw my name in the hat to be a part of Jill's @ Run with Jill secret Santa runner gift swap. Being the great runner secret Santa that I am, I of course didn't realize how long it takes to ship stuff to Canada. So, while I received some great gifts right before Christmas, my secret buddy will likely not get anything until new years. Ho Ho Ho!!!

Anywhoo, my secret Santa was none other than Mike from Mike's Triathlon Journey! Mike knew that I loved coffee and love to poo so he got me both! Well, at least a book about poo.

The best part about the gift is that Mike ~~loves me so much that he flew down to Brazil to get me something~~ was actually in Brazil for work when he got the email that I was his secret - so I got 2 pounds of Brazilian coffee! Cafe Do Ponto. Sounds dirty. Speaking of dirty, I Google-image searched "Brazilian" to find some pictures to include in this blog. The result ~~I immediately bookmarked~~ is certainly rated PG-13. I love Brazil.

This is the most PG picture I could find

~~The rest of course I saved~~

Of course, being the ~~delinquent, latch key~~ loving father that I am, I let my son take a spin through the book on poo that I received. Believe me when I say that he really wanted to play with the coffee but he'll have to wait until he is at LEAST 3 until he can start drinking coffee. Ok, maybe like 2 and a half if he is good.

Have you ever seen anyone more excited to LEARN about poo? Nope.

Studying up on what he was likely working on in his pants

Unfortunately, the coffee packaging was all in Brazilian (Portuguese? Spanish? I'm sure Google knows the answer on what language it should be, but I'm too lazy) so I couldn't read it. So, either I was holding a package of coffee or a brick of sweet Brazilian cocaine. Either way? Win/win

Turns out, it was coffee! So, I brewed up a batch. It tasted a bit different than the coffee that I was used to. A taste that I can only describe as.....Brazilian. But, it was black and delicious and that is all that I could ask for - Thanks Mike!!!

Does anyone else do a secret Santa through blogs, work, annoying relatives, wherever? Anyone actually get something good like I did?

Bad Runs are like Farts.....

2011-12-20T15:04:00.000-08:00

.....Everyone has them, but no one likes to admit them.

With 4 weeks left before my next “major” marathon, Rock and Roll Arizona (as if there were “minor” ones), both miles and ego fragility are at all time highs. Each run is hyper analyzed with great detail. For a numbers based guy like me, it is all about miles per week, pace per mile, and how hard of an effort it takes to actually hit each of the above. Unfortunately, with a work schedule that is a little more hectic than one of those wedding dress sales and the holidays that bring lots of “joy”, last week’s running was NOT one that I would like to remember.**

There are really two runs last week that result in the big fat FAIL stamp for the week.

First, there was the day I realized I had gone soft.***
Tuesday is always mid-week sort of long run day. I was scheduled to run 15 miles. Nothing fancy, just get out the door and put foot to ~~ass~~ ground. However, when my alarm went off at 4:15 and I snoozed once or maybe twice I was greeted by this:

Well, not ACTUALLY that, but there was water coming out of the sky! Something more like this:

As I look at this picture, is it even raining? God I'm a wuss

You see, it rains in Phoenix less than 10 times per year. This just happened to be one of those times. When I lived in Kansas City a short 3 years ago, I would have shrugged off the sprinkles as an annoyance, laughed at all of the pansies running to their treadmills, and went out for my run. But not last week. I made the decision that it must have been the running gods way of telling me that I wasn’t supposed to run that day and that I should push back my entire running schedule by a day. Which of course meant that I had to put up with the reverse walk of shame – my clothes sitting out waiting for me to put them on.

Just like a walk of shame, these clothes just sat there judging me all day long

Which, I did push the run to the next day, but it was shortened to 12 miles because I ran out of time because work is annoying.

Next, there was the 20 miler turned 12 miler turned “code brown”****.
On Sunday, I had 20 miles with 14 miles at marathon pace scheduled. Make no mistake, this is a TOUGH run. I always somewhat dread that workout. You end up putting forth a lot of the effort of a marathon but get none of the rewards (medal, mylar blanket, slipping on used water cups, stale bananas). But, it is one of the best predictors of marathon fitness that I know.

The run started off slow – far too slow. My stomach had been a bit off all weekend, but I tried to put it out of my mind. I slogged through 4 miles at a pace that was around 30 seconds off-pace and when I tried to pick it up to marathon pace my guts hit the eject button. Literally. After a ~~10 minute~~ quick bathroom break during which unspeakable acts were performed, I decided that I did not want to get any further from home so I easy-ran a total of 12 miles. FAIL.

The combination of those two sucky runs really had me in a bad place last week. So, this week I decided to call a mulligan on the entire last week and try again this week. So far I'm not doing to bad. I still had bathroom issues today during my 15 miler, however today instead of making me feel worse, dropping the pounds made me feel lighter, faster, and more fit! I think a mulligan was exactly what I needed - hopefully. Truth is, I don't have the time before the race to find out!

**Bring on the holiday booze!
***I know, I know…..
****Code brown is sort of like a blue light special at K-Mart. Well, at least it smells like a K-Mart

Funny Foto Friday: Ho Ho Ho!!!!

2011-12-16T08:33:00.000-08:00

Tis the season! Time to strap on your big boy pants, brave the crowds, and fight the grandma with the hair rollers for the last 75% waffle iron on Black Friday.

Even though I have been busy, that doesn't mean that time doesn't march on - and that new family traditions must be started. This year, my wife scoured the depths of the internet to find the best holiday light displays in the Phoenix area. We went with my in laws and my brother in law. Fortunately for us, one of the houses had a Santa. Unfortunately for my son, he is developing a case of "old man in a fake beard stranger danger" and wasn't a fan. Unfortunately for Santa, my brother in law and I don't suffer from the same fear as my son. Happy Friday!

No "stranger danger" here! Although, Santa did seem a little frightened

In full disclosure, when I started my Funny Foto Friday a few years back, it was an alteration knock-off of Steve in a Speedo's version of the same. (To be fair, when I copied it, I think he had only been doing it for a few weeks) That said, go check out his "real" versions of hilarious run-ins with Santa pictures. Hilarious!

I'm Still Here!

2011-12-15T10:04:00.001-08:00

Just horribly horribly busy. Be back soon!!

Funny Foto Friday: Food Funny & Video Bonus!

2011-12-09T15:54:00.001-08:00

Every time I go to the grocery store, I know people are judging me for what I have in my cart. They have to be right? I'm sure as hell judging the other people in the store. "Oh, hot pockets and beer huh? Did your mom give you money or did take it from your Star Wars piggy bank?" For those of us who don't want to appear like we're stocking up for a frat party, some simple rearrangement can make you look as fit as you feel.

I'm going to include it, but I still can't figure out what is funny about this. Throw some protein powder in one of these bad boys and they really ARE meals in a bottle!

Cripes! At 18% alcohol, they might as well call it "black out in a bottle"

Finally a friend of mine, Colin, is a wicked awesome artist. So wicked awesome he does it for his job! In his spare time, he not only blogs at Resurrected Runner but he also puts together running based parody songs (think: Werid Al Yankovik with less hair) and videos. Here are a few of my favorites. More can be found on his Youtube page www.colinhayescomedy.com

Probably the best video he's put together has been his marathon tips. Including such gems as:

Train in heavy boots (to strengthen your legs)
Eat heavy foods the night before the marathon
Water consumption = unwanted sweat

Colin thinks that he has solved the minimalist running debate. Honestly? I seriously think that he might be on to something.

Colin's alter-ego "Gil" takes a shot at signing Holiday songs:

Finally, I've had this song in my head for the last. . . . 2 months non stopped and I had to share. My wife said that it is totally a song I would like. I'm not sure if she said that because of my propensity for pelvic thrusts (on the hour, every hour) or the fact that I like to see guys in thongs. The world may never know. Happy Friday!

End of year bustle - it all ties back to poop

2011-12-08T15:35:00.001-08:00

It is funny because that is the actual time I got up this AM

What is it about the end of the year that makes me wish there were 34 hours in the day? Don’t get me wrong, if there were an extra 10 hours in the day, I’m assuming I’d walk around in some sort of zombie like state with a cup of coffee in one hand and a roll of toilet paper in the other (coffee makes me poo). But, with the extra 10 hours, I could get everything done that I wanted to each day and still have time for all of the reality TV that is backing up on my DVR at home. (I NEED to find out what happened on Sister Wives and must know which Dress she said Yes to!) Time is a precious commodity during the holiday season. Time to buckle down and focus on what really matters: Running and whatever my wife tells me matters.

Other than the normal ~~avoiding my family~~ great family get-togethers, stuffing my pie-hole with pie, and fighting with moms over the last Tickle Me Elmo (creepy) the end of the year for me is BUSY. I’m a consultant and all of my bosses are trying to get one last sale before the end of the year. What that means is that I spend all day long in meetings where executives say things like “value add” or “synergies” and get real work done at night.

Now, I know what you are thinking "Seriously Adam, WHERE is the running talk!?" The reason all of that above is important? Poop. You see, when I’m busy I get stressed. When I get stressed, I don’t poop. It happens when I'm busy at work, when I travel, ~~or when I'm pissed at the chick on Say Yes to the Dress for picking the white dress. Like she is fooling anyone.~~ So, to remedy one of those situations, I’m now sacrificing sleep to make sure I get my runs in. Running makes me happy and it makes me poop. It is a win/win really.

Monday had me running 9 miles with 7x800 at 5:55 pace
Tuesday was a 5 mile recovery run
Wednesday was off because I got home near midnight from work (and didn’t eat dinner)
Today was a 13.1 mile run in 1:39:00. The first half I did at my normal pace and the second half was at marathon pace

So, I'm busy but I HOPE to get in 65 miles this week. I'm cutting back a bit on sleep (5.5 or 6 hrs vs the normal 7) but it is worth it in the short term to make sure that I stick to some form of schedule - and to keep me sane. While risky (increase of injury, increase of illness, increase of crankiness) has anyone else said F-you to Mr sandman and went out running?

Mixins: Winner, Online Shoes Giveaway, and Where I've Been

2011-12-05T11:42:00.001-08:00

I know what you’re all thinking “Did Adam die? I’ll bet he is dead – overdosed on too many energy gels or possibly dead in a ditch in some runner vs runner track session lane-crossing road rage” Fortunately, neither of those things happened! The reality is that the combination of a relapse in my cold, a travel trip to Dallas for work, and a birthday party to end all birthday parties used up all of my free time. Oh, and running. Always there is running.

As always, I had to make the choice between ~~talking to my family~~ running vs blogging. Running won out for the most part, but that didn’t mean that blog posts didn’t back up like poop at a cheese festival. So, instead of poetic blog posts throughout last week you get a week’s worth of blog posts all in one!

Giveaway winner
My 1000th blog post was REALLY fun to put together. I honestly try to keep my blog like a journal – an asinine record of my life, with a heavy focus on drinking running. Looking back at some of my horribly boring first posts was fun, if not a bit painful to think of where my writing and running has come in a relatively short time. Anywhoo, there were 266 entries in my Brooks shoe giveaway and the winners were Katie @ Run This Amazing Day and Heather @ Just a Colorado Gal. One thing to note is that Heather’s comment was within the top 10 first comments!! Random number generator seemed to like the low numbers.

I mean, if I"m going to show where I got hurt,
then might as well do it right.

Sick – and I think I pulled something
Like I posted in one of my last posts, I was sick over the United States Thanksgiving holiday. I was surprised at how many people continue to run through being sick. I.do.not. According to my wife, much like most humans with an extra dangle appendage (men), I am a huge baby when I’m sick. So, during the Thanksgiving week I recovered a full 4 days until Sunday – I ran 5 test miles and all systems were go! So, while on a business trip I ran 7 miles on Monday and another 7 on Tuesday – all at a ‘normal’ pace of 7:40.

After a few great runs on the treadmill (that made me want to poke my eyes out of boredom) I was all set to run some speed on Wednesday. Right when I started to click the speed up to around 7:10ish per mile I felt a STABBING pain in my back. Long story short, I pulled a muscle ~~I was alone in a hotel room afterall~~ in my back coughing! It was one of those muscles between your ribs that hurt worse than a hot poker in your eyeball. Well, not really, but I couldn’t really run through it.

Online Shoes Giveaway!
OnlineShoes.com is having a KILLER 12 days of Christmas giveaway that I had to pass along (and, for the record, am receiving nothing in exchange for mentioning). Each day, Online Shoes posts a question of the day, all that you have to do is answer and you’re entered! Today’s giveaway is a Soleus watch – and as I type this there are only 55 entries! That is really good odds... They’re going to do them each weekday for the first 12 days of December. So, if you don’t win today, enter tomorrow!

Texas Sized Blogger Meetup
Like I hinted at earlier, I was in Dallas last week for business and was able to meet up with a few friends (who are also bloggers). Lesley @ Racing it off and Libby @ The Active Joe and Emily who doesn’t have a blog all got to put up with me for an entire evening. How lucky are they?! We talked about training, and running and then switched gears and talked more about training and running. :) I promise that I didn’t have lazer eyes during the whole night – only when the girls started to make fun of me.

Birthday Time!
This really doesn’t have anything to do with anything, but it was my son’s first birthday on Friday and my wife hosted some crazy 40 person party on Saturday. It was a blast. However, when I asked my wife if I wanted to know how much she spent on cake and cupcakes, she responded very quickly “no”. Fair enough. But honestly, can you really spend TOO much on cupcakes?

It was a hungry caterpillar theme

His first haircut (Taken a few weeks ago)

As you can see, he liked the spray bottle a little TOO much

Running while being sick SUCKS

2011-11-29T11:46:00.001-08:00

I’m sure the title of this post is one of those “duh” type moments, right. It is sort of like complaining about how you burnt your hand on a hot stove. “I touched a pan that came out of a 450 degree oven and it got burnt! Owwwwww”. Yeah, tell me something I didn’t expect, dummy. What’s the next revelation? I looked into the sun for 30 min and now I’m blind?

On Friday, I went on my first post-sickness run. (Yes, I do realize that I make it sound like I had the plague or that sickness where your arms fall off. Zombie-itis? Leprosy?) Let me tell you – these were the hardest 5 miles that I’ve ran in a very long time. My legs were tired, my belly was full, and I could NOT catch my breath. Of course, I didn’t exactly set the run up for success like I should have. Since my lingering cough is the worst in the morning, I decided to wait until mid-morning to go for a quick run. Of course, I didn’t plan on eating a hungry-man egg and biscuit breakfast 30 minutes before and certainly shouldn’t have had 3 cups of coffee. Between super tired legs, a belly of sloshing eggs and coffee, and a head full of snot I was a HURTING unit. But, 5 miles done and done. Painful.

Since then, the runs have been better – but certainly not well. I did 7 miles on Monday and 7 miles this morning. I had hoped to get a double digit run this morning, but I was up with a dry, hacking cough (the fact that I had taken Day-Quill instead of Ny-Quill before bed probably didn’t help?) tossing and turning until 12:45am and didn’t think that running 15 miles on 3 hours of sleep was a good idea. But, what do I know. . . .

I’ve found that running with a cold is a lot like drinking and the resulting hangover. There are many pre, during and post phases:

I love that there is a dude w/ dreads and
a dude in a suit in this picture

Pre-Run: (FINE, I’ll stop watching Law and Order reruns and go out) Getting the motivation to go out running while sick is always hard. I don’t feel all that well, my nose is plugged, and my lungs feel cruddy. However, in the back of my head I WANT to go. I know that it’ll be fun while I’m doing it.

Mid-Run: (Shots? Hell yes I want to do shots!) Actually running while sick is great! My head clears and usually by the time I run my lungs are clear (or, the running knocks everything loose and I hack it up). The fresh air and sunlight feels good against my skin and my body temp raises in a controlled manner to help fight the nasties. Usually by the end of a run I'm thinking to myself "I'm cured!!"

Post-Run: (Oh My God. I’m never drinking again) Ah yes, but once I stop running everything comes crashing down. This cold I get a dry raspy cough, my nose almost immediately stuffs back up, and my arm might actually fall off on account of the zombie-itis or whatever that I am certain I have. It is rough.

However, just like drinking, I’m certainly not going to stop running while I’m sick. At least, once a few days of being sick have passed and I have a chance to complain about how sick I am and certainly no one in the history of the world has been as sick as I have been. That is what guys are supposed to do, right?

What are everyone’s rules on running while sick? Do you use the above/below the neck rule? If you can walk you can run? Never do it?

Funny Foto Friday: Thanksgiving - Kid vs Adult

2011-11-25T09:06:00.001-08:00

Uggh. Forgive me runners for I have sinned. I've been sicker than a dog (are dogs that sick?) and haven't ran in going on 3 days. While some people enjoy the time off while sick, I get anxious about training days lost. (For the record, my next "goal" marathon is in 7 weeks - not that I am counting) My 800s and 9 miles of running on Tuesday were the last thing that I've been able to do. Since then, it has been a whole lot of this and not a lot of running:

Who wants a big bowl of Adam this morning!?

Everyone? That is what I thought.

Wednesday I was down for the count with a 102 fever which lingered through Thanksgiving. That meant no Turkey Trotting for me. Instead I've been coughing like a smoker and blowing my nose like a coke head. It is particularly frustrating because I was really looking forward to the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving. I was going to meet up with some coaching buddies, some blogger buddies, and hopefully chat with an elite runner whose last name is Limoncello. But, even though I said that I wasn't going to make any excuses, that didn't mean that I was going to be stupid. Hopefully tomorrow will bring some miles.......

But, what I missed in Turkey Trotting and playing football, my brother in law and his/my friend Ned made up for it with hilarity. Each year everyone gets all turkey'd up, liquored up, and plays a game of "heavy petting" football. Heavy petting meaning that it isn't quite touch football and usually there are a LOT of people rolling around on the ground in pain.

This year, my brother in law forgot shoes so he went in his boots with his self made "Dr Smooth" T-Shirt. If years past are any indication, those beers didn't leave their hands the entire game.

Heisman stance? Check. Tim Tebow prayer? Check. Bud light? Check.

Cigarette in one hand? Check.

Here is the picture from last year. It is like I am at the Olympic trials.....of awesome.

Finally, the artists over at The Oatmeal always have a way of putting to picture the experiences that I have every day of my life. For Thanksgiving, they didn't disappoint. The best part though? Because I helped feed my 1 year old at Thanksgiving I DID get to sit at the kids table. No fancy silver for me! The best I could come up with was mixing Day-Quil and wine. It was a liver scarring, hallucinogenic good time! Happy Friday!

No More Excuses - Right after this one...

2011-11-21T16:16:00.001-08:00

Today I had a post all written out in my head about how I was no longer going to let myself use excuses for crappy runs. It was witty and eloquent, it really was. But Monday I had a crappy run, and now today I think I'm getting a cold. Check out what I posted on twitter:

For the record, I pushed it.** I wanted to run 6x800 in 5:55 but had to cut it short after 4x800 (in a time that was actually faster than plan at 5:51/mile - but I was DYING) So, the fact that my run was crap was because I have an excuse. Right? Ugh. I seriously feel like Lindsay Lohan every time she is in front of a judge. "Oh no your honor, I won't drink EVER again, I promise." Sure you won't Lindsay, sure you won't...... we all know how this story ends:

On the bright side, she is at least getting cuter as she gets further down the meth/coke/booze tunnel.

Who would have thought that!? Lolo, you're all grow'ed up!

On Monday, it was because I had ran long the day before, it was humid, and I had to run the last 1.5 miles trying not to 'paint the town brown***. Today it is because I am getting a cold. What is it going to be tomorrow? Nuclear meltdown? Probably.

So, what about tomorrow's run? The general rule of thumb is that you shouldn't run if you have a chest cold but if you have a head cold you can run. The division you can see pictorially in a picture of RunningLaur and myself at IronMan AZ this weekend (update on that tomorrow!). My issue is mostly ~~burning when I pee~~ in my throat / neck / center of my chest****. So, while I'm not hacking, I don't have a headcold and I've lost my voice. Honestly? I'll probably run. Do as coach Adam says, not as coach Adam does!

The fact is, I told myself yesterday that I would no longer let my marathon in Savannah be an excuse to not push myself to the limit. I found myself cutting 7 and 8 milers to 5 and telling myself that "It's okay, I'm in recovery". The race was over 16 days ago - more than enough time to jump back into training full force. And that is what I plan on doing - as long as this bubonic plague (I assume that is what it is) doesn't interfere too much.

What do you use as an excuse to not get outside/to the gym?

**Pushed it, pushed it real good
***I'd see THAT musical on broadway. It'd be 40 runners on stage doing the "I gotta poop, duckwalk"
****That's what she said

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Two things to pimp like I'm holding a glass of 'crunk'
First, go sign up for my Sweat Your Thorns Off Virtual 5K! There.will.be.PRIZES!!!!! (Said in Oprah voice)

Second, enter my 1,000th post Brooks Shoe giveaway!

1000th post: A look back and a giveaway!

2011-11-21T10:33:00.001-08:00

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another. - Walter Elliott

Alternate post title: “A Narcissistic Celebration of Me!”

As I press “publish”, this will be my 1000th post on this little blog that I started in October of 2007. (Well, sort of. It is actually 1,004 but I don’t think that those 4 “tabs” should count) When I started, I didn’t set out to create a website that has certainly become a part of me. I like to think of my blog like a tapeworm. Every so often I have to feed it or else I shrivel up and die. But, in spite of my intentions - much like the Walter Elliott quote above, I didn’t write 1000 posts at a time. I wrote each and every innuendo laden, toilet humor, irreverent post one at a time. And here is a look back.

My blog started out as a collection of random thoughts that I had during my travels as a out of town management consultant. The blog honestly didn’t have a focus, nor an audience for the first 2.5 years. In fact, the tagline of the blog was “I am Boring: But if you are reading this, so are you!”. The old URL (still active) was http://adamrisu.blogspot.com/ It represented my first name: Adam, my last initial: R, and my alma mater: Iowa State University. I’d post about things I saw in the airport, or things that were going on in my life, and (even back then in those formative years) I’d blog about my running. For example, here is a post within the first few months of my blog that talks about my training for my second marathon in Olathe, KS:

…..I am in week two of the training. So far it has been going pretty well. The interesting thing is that I am trying to pick up my speed. I ran the previous race with a pace of 9:07 min miles. I would LIKE to pick that up to around 8:00 min miles. We'll see how that goes - I have been able to do it for 6 miles so far, but I was pretty gassed at the end. Ironically, the issue isn't that I don't think that I can't do it, it is just that I am having a hard time getting my internal speedometer set to 8:00. I may just have to get a good treadmill after all.

As my life evolved, so did my blog. It went from nearly all personal posts to posts that were 50% personal, 50% running. I’d post HORRIBLY boring posts about each and every run that I did. Not surprisingly, no one read them. June 17, 2008 a post titled 6/17 Run. Snooooooze.

Switching to morning runs. They are much cooler while being much more humid (due to the cool moist air). Overall I had an OK run - 8:17 min pace, which is actually a bit faster than I wanted to go. I would have liked to stay a bit slower than that to give myself time to rest up. I'm going to try extra hard to take it easy on the Thursday run - which is another 3 miles. Gosh, I never thought that I would have to keep myself from running TOO fast......still very early I suppose.

Those horribly dry posts morphed into what my blog has now become:

The extra 7% is due to the fact that “candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker”

Bonus points if you know what movie that is from

So, what horribly dry running posts couldn't capture, butterscotch ripple does. Now I post about whatever is on top of my mind. Sometimes that is running, other times it is about annoying things that I see around me, and more recently it is about family and how it is forever changing my life. In short, my blog has morphed into what my life has become. ~~An internal struggle to wear pants as little as possible.~~ That is, it only has a few very selected filters and is a reflection of what I am doing - or rather what I am doing that I want to remember.

With that, I thought that I'd pull out a few favorite posts, Oprah style, answer some of the top questions I get asked, and give away some of my favorite shoes. They're not even used! My readers are soooo lucky....

Top 5 favorite posts: (Actually, 6)
I’m a dad! The first post after my son was born. Why didn’t everyone tell me that having a son would change every aspect of my life? Oh right, they did……. And I didn’t believe them. Dang. Next some moron will tell me that the edge of the world isn't on the horizon. Idiots.

ABC easy as MEME Most fit-fluential award, mommy top blogger, sugar on top award. . . . There is seriously not an internet meme that I have seen that I haven’t liked. If you’re looking for someone to tag (and link back) tag me and email me!!

Mcmillian Race Calculator: Boston Marathon edition: Just when I thought that a 3:10 marathon was within my reach, Boston changes it to 3:05. Bastards. Whatever, their race, their rules, my obsession.

Operation GYAMA: During the Rock and Roll New Orleans marathon, I strained a ligament in my foot which put me out of action for 6 weeks. This post was ALL about not using my foot as an excuse and getting in whatever workout I could. Get Your Ass Moving Anyway. GYAMA.

Bikram Yoga: Hot, sweaty, sultry, bendy, yoga. I literally sweat’d enough to wring out my towel – and I have the pictures to prove it.

Fitness Magazine: If there is one post that I go back to and laugh at, it is this one. I actually still get Fitness Magazine.

Top 5 questions I’m asked about my blog:
Where do you get the ideas for posts?
Most people THINK that it is on my runs. It isn't though - anything that I think about while running I always forget. So, I normally try to think about as little as possible while I run. Most of my really good blog posts come while in the shower.

How long does a post take to write?
Ugh, I swear to god THIS post has taken hours.... Normally a post takes around an hour by the time I ~~steal~~ find all of the random pictures online, etc. The one thing that most people get wrong is that they think I go back and add all of the strike throughs and "that's what she saids" after the fact. I usually just sit down and start typing and they flow out of my brain like everything else.

Who takes all of those pictures of you on your blog? (and then after finding out it is my wife) HOW do you actually convince her to take them?!
My wife takes 75% of the pictures that are posted of me on my blog. Just like in our marriage, I've used repetition and bribery to get her to take the pictures that I couldn't figure out how to take with the self timer. "Come on, just take my picture and we can go to your crappy girl movie tonight"

I have a blog/tumbler/twitter/facebook fan page, how do I get more readers?
You want the truth? The REAL truth!? There are two options here (as I see it).
Option #1: Dive in heads first. Be that guy/girl that posts 3x a day, updates twitter every 10 minutes, and most importantly comment on other people's blog's / twitter. How are people going to find you if they don't know who you are? Honestly, I've seen VERY popular blogs that are VERY uninspiring/boring with huge followings. The above is the only think that I can think that got them there. Oh, giveaways don't hurt either (see below!)
Option #2: This may sound horribly simplistic, but write/tweet/post what interests you. There are at least 12 (maybe 13) people who are on the internet. Odds are if you are interested in something then someone else is interested in it as well. Don't try to be all things to all people, focus on a niche and milk it for all it is worth. (This is the option that I'd like to think that I used. I used the irreverent blogger, but VERY serious runner route. Yeah, I like to have fun and mock things on my blog, but I also run my tempo runs balls out, ran 70 miles per week twice during my last training cycle, and have ran 14 marathons. So, there is that.)

Why is it called The Boring Runner?
Simple. Because running is horribly HORRIBLY boring. Seriously, think about it from a non-runner's perspective. It is honestly just falling forwards very quickly Left, right, left, right... over and over. Basically, this blog is my attempt at proving (to no one in particular) that you can indeed talk about something that is simple and make it interesting.

A few Injuries:
I was recently chatting with a friend who was amazed at finding out that I was previously a very VERY injury prone runner. I ran my slow runs too fast and ran through wayy too much pain. I did a 10 min search on my blog and was able to find just a few examples of the issues I've had. Honestly, I just didn't want to read through any more of those dull daily run reports - there are LOTS more out there!
http://www.theboringrunner.com/2008/06/618-run.html
http://www.theboringrunner.com/2009/09/beach-cures-all.html
http://www.theboringrunner.com/2009/10/stress-fracture.html
http://www.theboringrunner.com/2009/12/shin-splints.html
http://www.theboringrunner.com/2010/03/blogger-meetup-ouch.html
http://www.theboringrunner.com/2010/03/doctor-visit.html
http://www.theboringrunner.com/2010/03/monday-mri-odds-and-ends.html
http://www.theboringrunner.com/2010/09/hip-flexors-im-benched.html

Giveaway!:
As promised, as a thank you for getting this far, I'm going to give away (completely self funded, non-swag, I have no ties to Brooks what so ever) not one but TWO pairs of my favorite brand of shoe ever. BROOKS!

There are a few running brands that I am loyal to, and Brooks shoes is one of them. Here is an example of what I mean to the right. I took this picture of my closet 10 minutes ago. Right now, I have no fewer than 8 boxes of Brooks shoes.

I know what you're thinking... "Blah blah blah, how do I win??" Well, HERE is how! Multiple ways to win, just post a comment for each way you enter. (What would a giveaway be without some WORK)

Follow my blog +1
Follow me on twitter +1
Post about my 1000th post on your blog, twitter, facebook, etc +however many you want. If you post it on twitter - make sure to tag me @TheBoringRunner
Let me know what your favorite part of ANY running blog. Mine, someone else's, whatever! +1

I'll pick a winner from all entries collected through Sunday Nov 27th.

Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved, and always will solve, the problems of the human race -Calvin Coolidge.

With that, I’m not sure what my blog has solved, but I’m willing to take the next 1,000 posts to trying to solve something.

Funny Foto Friday: Facebook Funnies

2011-11-18T16:42:00.001-08:00

For every day that I think facebook is killing me slowly with updates about buying goats for virtual farms, there is a day that it NEVER gets old. I'll take the good facebook with the bad. Happy Friday!

VitaBand, Smoke in my mouth, and Ryan Hall

2011-11-17T15:48:00.001-08:00

I think that this is the most bullets that I’ve put in a bullet post…..

Vita band review
Recently, I was sent a VitaBand to review. VITA meaning Vitals, band meaning band. The concept is very similar to some of the other online-ID bands that have hit the market recently. You upload your information with as little or as much detail as you need to an online database. That way, when you get hit by a car the paramedics know to use lambskin instead of latex. The difference with this ID Band? It was made to have a pre-paid Visa Speed-pass credit card in it! Get the munchies while on the run? You can swing by 7-11 and get some Cheetos and some RC Cola. Crap your pants and need new pants? Swing by Target and pay with your speed-pass.

I’ve taken the VitaBand out on a number of runs over the past few weeks and I really like it. It is made out of the same material that Livestrong bands are made out of which made it super light and comfortable. The only downside that I could find was that it wasn’t super adjustable so I had a really hard time putting it on my ankle (and it pulled on my leg hairs when I tried to get it off). I’ll admit that I didn’t end up getting the Visa pre-paid card to put in it – but it is a nice feature (especially for cyclists) for people who regularly stop at convenience stores to refuel. Each band is $20 and a year subscription to the online medical records piece is $20.

Back to running
This week has seen me log 6,8,6,11 miles M-Th so I feel like I’m finally back into my groove. Since I’m still only 11 days post marathon I’m still not running any speedwork, but I’m laying down some pretty decent times. Nothing feels sore or broken, so next week I’m going to layer on the speed like a thin warm coat of pumpkin pie. Cozy.

Smoking
This morning, during my 11 miler, I saw two things that I should NOT have seen. First of all, I saw smoke coming out of my mouth. Now, I don’t smoke, so it was rather strange. It didn’t happen when I breathed in, but when I would exhale, smoke would come out. Does anyone know what could have been wrong as I went for a brisk morning run in Phoenix? Were my lungs on fire or something? Here is what I looked like:

The other thing that I saw that freaked me out were Christmas Decorations!! I know what you are thinking “Jeeze Scrooge McAdam, lighten up!” I understand if you need to get them up a bit early because you’re going to be out of town, or have such a Clark Griswold inspired display that it takes days to assemble, but there is NO need to have them lit at 5am on a Thursday morning. If I didn’t have to pee like a college frat boy at a kegger I would have tried to set something up like this:

9 weeks to Rock and Roll Arizona
Actually, closer to 8. But, fortunately I’m finally getting back into my running groove – therefore not peeing my pants at the thought freaking out too much. The plan is to have 2 weeks of build, 4 weeks of HARD speedwork, including an increased amount of pace work, followed by a quick 2 week taper. I’ve already decided that if I run my A goal, I’m going to follow suggestions of Jill and have a “recovery” beer in the shower and drink a VERY nice beer that Jamoosh gave me. If I crash and burn? Same plan – but with tears.

That’s some big stepping, Tex
Finally, Ryan Hall. For those of you who are not familiar with him, Ryan Hall is currently the fastest marathoner in the United States (Meb K has won more races, but Ryan is faster). Anywhoo, as part of the NYC marathon, Asics built a video screen projecting his actual 4:40/MILE running pace and challenged people to race against him. Other than the ball-busting speed, the most crazy thing is that his gait (or step size) is 6 feet 10”. That’s longer than….my whole body! Enjoy! (no sound needed)

Babies are like inmates

2011-11-14T19:36:00.001-08:00

Since I'm still getting back up to speed with my running, I thought I'd venture into "dad life" a bit....

In the States, there is a show on the normally financial geared cable network MSNBC called “Lockup”. During the show they send (what I imagine is a group of film school interns) a film crew to a prison and capture what it is like to be an inmate. I’m not sure what prison has to do with the stock market, but I don’t ask questions. **cough** Ponzi Scheme **cough** As sure as I am addicted to putting energy gel on pancakes, I am addicted to this show. They tell stories of gangs, toilet brewed wine, and shanks. Lots and lots of shanks.

You see, inmates have 23 hours a day to think of essentially 3 things:

If I was to have sex with the dude who wants everyone to call him Jamie instead of James, would my wife find out?
I swear to god, when I get out of here, I’m going to kill the guy that ratted me out.
How do I convert this toothbrush/mattress/toilet paper tube into a shank and stab “Jamie” for giving me the herps.

As I was watching my son crawl, walk, and stumble his way to chew on my laptop’s power cord (stopped him before he got it. . . . over and over and over again), I thought to myself: Being a baby must be a LOT like being an inmate. Every single second is spent towards one purpose: trying to devise a way to stick something in your mouth.

When you think about it, babies DO spend essentially every waking moment either eating, pooping, or devising ways to stick stuff into their mouth. When he’s not being tossed into the air by me, my son is sucking on whatever is close by. I’ve been told that “babies explore with their mouths” so this is a totally normal thing to have happening. All that I know is that if my son tries to put the remote control in his mouth one more time while I’m trying to change the channel away from Judge Judy, all hell is going to break loose.

For that matter, the longer I am a father, the more I’m finding that my responsiblities essentiallly fall into four categories: Roof over head, food in belly, try to teach him something, and make sure he doesn’t kill himself. It is almost like I am a prison warden. The little guy screams, I tell him to shush. My wife and I schedule his meals and get frustrated when he doesn’t eat. We even have a “lights out” time. I think that I’m going to have to grow a pot belly and have everyone start calling me “Boss Hog”.

But, at the end of the day I love my son and I wouldn’t trade being his “warden” for anything. That is until he starts brewing wine in the toliet. Then all deals are off.

Funny Foto Friday: Toilet Brush & Sex Slave

2011-11-11T13:40:00.001-08:00

A few quick updates before the funny….

I about got hit by a car this morning while on my 11 km run for 11.11.11. I was crossing in a crosswalk while a car was turning right, they were looking left to not get hit by oncoming traffic. Right when I was crossing in front of the car, they started to go. I then beat on the hood of their car to get their attention. I stepped aside and they sped off. Sooooo, I slammed by hand all the way down the side of their car. Bastards. I rarely say “real” swear words, but trust me that there were some that were said. (Don’t worry, I’m fine.)

"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die." -G.K. Chesterton. In the United States, today is veterans day. I am often confused for being a veteran (I think it is the cropped haircut and the fit-body type) and that makes me very proud. But, I am not – and I always correct whomever asks. Being a veteran is something you EARN. Something to be celebrated. Don't just celebrate today, celebrate year 'round.

Finally, funny foto Friday. I’ve got a few random ones that I couldn’t put much story around. But, at the end of the day, it is Friday. . . . . and that is all that matters. Happy Friday!

Maury Povich is getting VERY specific with his new show requests

This hurts just thinking about it. Hilarious!

Post Marathon Runs & Upcoming Race Plans

2011-11-10T15:50:00.001-08:00

Now that I’m 5 days post marathon, I’m finally starting to feel human. Whenever I go balls out during a marathon I get pretty beat up. I basically walk like a zombie for the next few days. I do all of the things you’re supposed to do (Drink 3000 calorie recovery shakes, ~~drink beer~~, do light active stretching, ~~go on a naked ‘recovery run’ in the finisher zone~~) but for some reason my legs feel like they’re on fire for days afterwards. I’ve come to accept it as part of the punishment for setting PRs.

Since I’m feeling human, I went for a quick shake-out run this morning. Regrettably, the only thing that was “shook out” was my colon. So, 2.5 mile run, 0.5 mile duck walk. Whatever, I’ll take it.

I’ve got a few ideas for races during 2012 but I don’t have many finalized as of yet. (Of course, other than the best virtual race involving sweating cacti on the PLANET!) I’m going to do Rock and Roll Arizona, but other than that I’m wide open. The Rock and Roll group is doing $20 off any race in celebration of 11.11.11, I just might have to get down on one of those.

I've been sent a VITABand to review that will be coming up shortly. It is a bracelet that is a combination of a medical ID and a speed-pass credit card. Which, successfully combines my two favorite things: Not dying and not wasting time by being forced to sign or punch in numbers. Look for the review VERY shortly.

Training Back-up Plan

Finally, I've had more than one question asking how I liked my high mileage marathon training plan. In short: If anything, I liked that it gave me the mental confidence to continue to push further, faster. Running a mid week 15 miler really goes to show you that running 26 miles isn't ALL that much further. So, I'll likely do something very similar for my next "key" race in January. I'm going to try to get at least one 75 mile week in but am going to do a bit more marathon-pace work. I didn't like that I only had a few sessions with that in there. With 9 weeks before the race it'll be a stretch, but I'm willing to do it. But, if I run my legs clean off, I"m going to try strapping a rocket engine to my ass and seeing if it will propel me to a sub 3:05. Any word if rocket-ass engines are USATF legal?

2nd Annual Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K! (Virtual Race)

2011-11-09T14:14:00.000-08:00

Many people have asked about it, saying things like: ~~what the hell is a virtual race??~~ "We're having the FYTO5K race again this year, right?!?!" Well, who am I to forgo one of my most favorite parts of my blog?

So, it is without further todo or fanfare that I hereby bestow January 28, 2012 as the 2nd annual FREEZE YOUR THORNS OFF 5K VIRTUAL RACE!!!!!!!!!!! (Works better if you say it in an Oprah voice)

In my head, you're all doing this:

Ok, maybe this is Oprah's fav things.... this is ALMOST that good

It started in the summer of 2010, with the Sweat Your Thorns Off 5K. The race season had died down, I was tired of paying money to "the wo/man" to race, ~~I wanted an excuse to see fit people in spandex~~, and I just wanted to get together with some of my running buddies. The result has morphed into a race that a group of Phoenix runners not only ran in person, but also ran virtually in their own cities.

For those of you who have not raced in a virtual race before, here are some tips/tricks :

I pick the day, you pick the time, distance, location, and basically everything else. Just like ~~in the bedroom~~ always I don't do much of the work
If you want to treat it like it's own stand alone 5K - great! If you want to do it as part of a different race or run - awesome! If you want to do it naked in the shower by jogging in place for 25 minutes - take pictures!
Posting pictures of yourself with frozen snot will get you an automatic shout-out in my results post
All that is "required" is that you come back to my blog on January 28th and tell me you ran! If you have a blog, post a report on there about the race, if you don't just leave a comment. That's it!

Who: You and 10s of your closest Boring Runner readers (along with Phoenix area runners on a measured 5K course)
What: 3.1 miles
When: Saturday January 28th, 2012 (loads of time for you to prepare and me to figure out prizes)
Where: Wherever the crap you want! Outside, treadmill, in front of the WII, nude in the shower, wherever!
Why: Because basically everyone is doing it

Just like last year, there will be prizes for all that enter an participate. I still haven't figured out what I'm going to give away, but it'll be GOOD. One thing that I'm going to do this year that I haven't done in the past is give a few training tips to run your fastest 5K ever. There are 11 weeks until the race. PLENTY of time to completely train for a 5K - even if you're not running a step right now. It can be done!!!

How to Enter:
Just leave a comment on this post saying that you are in! As long as you are a follower of my blog you're entered for the prizes as well (best to tell me that you follow in the comment). Easy peasy. Then, once the 28th rolls around, hop, skip, and naked shower dance your way cross the 5K finish line, write up a quick report, and email me the link - theboringrunner (at) gmail.com.

Rock and Roll Savannah Marathon Race Report!

2011-11-06T07:56:00.000-08:00

It is a bad plan that admits of no modification. -Publilius Syrus (Maximus)

Time: 3:19:40 (New PR by 4:13!!)
Pace: 7:37/mile
Place: 179/4722 (top 4%!) overall, 35/349 division

With "sort of" getting a new job on Monday and the HELLISH fear that I about missed the entire race, I was so busy that I ~~completely forgot about pooping all week long~~ wasn't able to post my pre-race goals. Since the race is already ran, I considered sandbagging and saying something like "My one and only goal is to PR and run under 13 hours". I'd be lying to myself, would get called out in the comments by people I told, and this blog wouldn't be an accurate history of my running. So, if I were to post the REAL goals, they would have been this:

A Goal: 3:10. (Unicorns/rainbows) Start out slow & be on 3:10 pace by mile 9.
B Goal: 3:15.
C Goal: Sub 3:20

For those new to the blogger-roo, Here are my definitions of A, B, and C goals. As you might expect, I'm really glad I eeked out those last 20 seconds and got the sub 3:20!

My A goal is if everything works right, unicorns and rainbows collide into an orgasm inducing run. Something like this:

My C goal is the time that, if I don’t beat, I’ll be very disappointed in myself. Something like this lady:

My B goal is a goal that is somewhere between rainbow orgasms and total failure. Something like this:

Because of the date mixup, my flight wasn't scheduled to get in until 5:30pm the day before the race. Since I'm normally a planner and the expo closed at 7pm, this cut timelines VERY short. Like, Britney Spears mental breakdown haircut short. That made my stress meter go WAY up. Add that to a mechanical issue on one of my connections (read: rats chewing on wires, I assume) and I didn't get into town until 6:30. But, even though we were cutting it close, I pushed the fam to try to get there anyway - until we ran into THIS:

Traffic, loads and loads of traffic. The expo was on an island in Savannah which meant one road in and one road out. We waited on the bridge (which freaked out my wife - aided by me saying things like "did you feel that? I wonder if the bridge can hold all of these cars?") for 20 min or so and we were only 1/3 of the way there. Soooooo, since it was already 7:10pm, I had not ate dinner yet, and I had made arrangements to get my bib on race day I turned around and headed back to the hotel. This left me with NO expo loot. Hardly seems worth running.

We got to the hotel, I picked up some Subway (carb load?) and my son proceeded to get freaked out by his "baby cage" (pack and play / portable crib) and scream until 11pm. Uggggggggg.

On race morning, the alarm came early at 4:00am, but I got to the shuttle, got to the start and got my bib without too much incident. While I know that some people had issues with the shuttles, getting there early and being flexible allowed me little to no additional stress!

Miles 1-6.5: Yayyyyyyy, I'm racing!!! (7:25 pace overall)
Once I got my bib, went to the bathroom, and got settled into the coral everything sort of closed in on me. I get pretty tunnel visioned during races and this one was no exception. Because I was putting so much effort into this race, I hadn't raced a ton over the summer - not something that I think I'll do again. Racing is FUN! As I stood at the start and ran the first few miles with thousands of other people, I was reminded of this over and over again.

If you squint, you can see booty shorts

I stayed nearly on plan throughout these miles. The only exception being that I was having a hard time getting up to speed around mile 4 and 5. Running 7:20ish felt good, but running 7:10-7:15 felt HARD. Lesson #1 when marathon running - if it feels hard during the first half, you're running too fast! It was at the 6.5 mile mark that I decided that I would be racing for a sub 3:15. Honestly? I was OK with that.

Miles 6.5-13.1: Did I just barf? Maybe. Should I slow down? Nope. (7:23 pace overall)
The next few miles put us through some of the beautiful neighborhoods of Savannah. Forever when I think of this race, I will think of mossy trees and old houses that look like something barbie should live in:

The pink Corvette is parked around back

Also, I will think of barfing in my mouth. Around mile 7 or so, I had one of those burps that fills your mouth 1/3 full of whatever is sloshing around in your stomach. Just a gentile reminder from my body: "Hey asshole, you might think you're in charge of what we're doing, but just remember, I have the power to make this go very horrible very very fast". I decided that there wasn't a whole lot I could do, so I just put up with the barf-burps for the next few miles. No harm, but it was really screwing up my freshly brushed teeth. I tried not to talk to anyone for fear of chunks flying at them.

Miles 13.1-19: Left, right, left, right......... (7:24 pace overall)
After the split, I was 100% on auto-pilot. The balls of my feet (makes me giggle every time I think of it) were starting to get sore, but other than that it was all systems go! I saw my wife/son around mile 14 where they took this picture:

I had completely forgotten, but I had put on a custom bib on my back that a friend within the rock and roll org had made me:

Follow me! @TheBoringRunner

I received a few comments on it, and each time I was surprised. "OH! Right! Yeah! I forgot I put that on there.

Miles 20-Finish: OMG, this wind SUCKS (7:37 pace overall (8:20 pace for last 10k))

Boooooo Truman Parkway!

It is often said that the marathon is a 20 mile run followed by a 10k race. On Saturday, my 10K race was WINDY! Probably my only beef on the day was that a lot of the 2nd half of the marathon was on a 4 lane divided hyway. I didn't mind the lack of scenery (because everything was starting to look fuzzy), but because of the terrain, it turned it into a wind tunnel! Winds were easily 20 mph right into my face during the hardest stretch of the race. So, while I realize that some of this was "bonk", I saw my run times go from 7:20/mile to 8:00/mile to 8:00/mile with 90 seconds of walk break. What the marathon bonk didn't break, the wind certainly did! This will sound horrible (but I KNOW I'm not the only one who thinks this way), one of the few things that kept me going was getting passed by a ~65 year old man. Screw being chicked, I think being geezered is waaaayyyyy worse.

After 3 soul crushing, depressing miles, I realized that I had to run ~7:40 pace for the last 1.5 to get under 3:20. I had a new goal. Start running, and don't stop until the finish. I ran, I ran HARD. I grunted, people looked at me. To give you a sense of the type of pain I was in, here is a picture that my wife took at mile 25.5:

Fortunately, I was able to dig through what little my legs had left and get in JUST under the wire.

As I look back, I am really proud of my race. I have a rule that there is no complaining with any PR races. If you ran faster than you ever have before, then you did GREAT. Of course, I think that there are things that I could have done better because I really do feel that I could have ran 3:15 yesterday and 3:10 on a perfect day. Things not limited to:

Not F'ing up the race day
Getting more sleep the night before
Having less stress the day before
Attacking the downhills and pacing better during the wind (ie, slowing down vs trying to hold pace & walking)

So, basically just enough went wrong to make me want to continue running!! I honestly, 100% think that if I have a perfect race, what else is left to race for? It's only uphill from here!

Marathon watching is hard work :)

Winner, Werk, and How I Missed my Race...almost

2011-11-02T16:11:00.000-07:00

I’m alive!! In spite of what many people have thought, I did not die of ~~herpes~~ an acute case of taperits, instead I’ve been horribly horribly busy…..

Winner winner!!
The winner of the FinishSafe ID is: Kelly @ A Journey to a Better Me! (I’ll spare you from the screenshot of the random number generator.) Shoot me and email and I'll get it mailed to you. Now, I know that there was a collective groan / slam fist on the desk at even the thought that you didn’t win the contest. However, what is the one thing that is better than a way to notify your love ones when you get hit by a car? A free Back To the Future Delorean! Of COURSE!

Best. Picture. Ever.

FinishSafe is giving Olympic hopeful Jeffrey Eggleston a DeLorean DMC-12 (the "Back to the Future" car). If you are a registered FinishSafe customer and you beat Jeffrey at the Lost Dutchmen Marathon (in the Phoenix area) on 2/19 next year, the car is yours. If Jeffrey is the first FinishSafe customer to cross the finish line, then his car will be raffled off among EVERY FinishSafe customer who entered this contest! So, you’re basically wasting time reading this if you want to win a sweet sweet back to the future car. Go enter here!

Race Day Date Mixup
Do you remember that race that I’ve been training 6 months for? The race that I’ve canceled running other races for? Ran 70 miles per week for? I about missed the F’ing thing!! Rock and Roll races are 95% on Sunday. That gives them the opportunity to have the expo on Friday and Saturday, have lots of time to prepare, etc. Well, not in Georgia. Thank god I received a facebook message from the GeorgiaSnail telling me about the Weather on Saturday. I honestly can’t make this stuff up. Check out the messages:

Werk
I know I’ve said before, but during the workday, I’m an IT consultant. Basically what that means is that I run around screaming things like “synergies!” and “value add!” and then proceed to make a power point presentation that contains 80 slides with lots of pictures. (For the “office” people who read my blog, that line above was Hil-arious) As you can tell from my 4 day blog hiatus, I’ve been BUSY at work. I’ve taken on another client that is taking on a lot of my “free” time. You know, the time between 2am and 4am that I "wasted" sleeping before.

Halloween
For the first time in many years, I wasn’t able to put together my own Halloween costume. (Previous years have included Napoleon Dynamite, Super Mario Brothers, and the Oxy Clean guy) For that matter, I didn’t even get to see any “sexy” witch/hobo/vampires. One might think that Halloween was all but wasted! But, wait! We did dress up my little man in a giraffe costume. (What sound does a giraffe make? I was telling him that it makes a sound very similar to a sick or dying elephant) Fortunately for you, there are two things they teach you in parenting prep classes:

You will get pooped on. Some of it might even get in your mouth at one point. Just deal with it
Make sure to shove pictures of your kid down everyone’s throat at any and every given opportunity. People will smile and say “cute”, and it never gets old

Funny Foto Friday: Halloween Pumpkin Goo

2011-10-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

In the US, October 31st is Halloween. It is one of those holidays where no one really knows the TRUE origins (all Hallows eve? What the crap does that mean?) but that doesn't stop anyone from using it as an excuse to have a party. That said, Halloween is a GREAT holiday - really for all ages. Let's take a look at the demographics:

Kids: Free candy. Free BUCKETS of candy!!!
Singles: "Sexy" witch/cat woman/wonder woman/nurse etc costumes
Parents: Dressing their little kiddos up in adorable costumes (also, sexy witch/nurse costumes)
Old people: Handing out candy to little kids ~~(also, sexy witch/nurse costumes)~~

So, while I won't be going to any fun Halloween parties this weekend (home alone w/ the kiddo), I'll be surfing the internet for hilarious costumes to scare the neighborhood kids with on Monday. Happy Friday!

This one has been making the rounds, but just like a train wreck,

I can't stop looking and can't look away

The real question - who was this display for?

At any Halloween party I've been to, this would serve as a MAJOR pee-hazard.

I don't care who you are, that's just funny.

Ding ding ding!!! We have a Halloween winner. Happy Friday!

FinishSafe ID Band Review / Giveaway!

2011-10-27T14:43:00.000-07:00

I’m a planner. Even though I like to pretend that things happen on accident, generally speaking most things are planned. “Oh wow! How did these random bottles of wine get opened?! Well, I guess I’d better drink them” In fact, I’ve essentially made a career out of IT project management planning.

A lot of people say that there are a few things that are inevitable and the best that you can do is plan for them: Death and taxes. Since taxes are boring and dull, let’s take this lovely Thursday and focus a little bit on death. (Hehe)

I was recently contacted by FinishSafe to try out their FinishTag product. They create wearable IDs so that if you get hurt and can't tell the paramedics where you live or who to call, they can look up grandma's phone number. This was actually REALLY good timing because my Road ID had my wife’s old cell phone number, my mother in law’s old cell phone number, and my blog address. So, when I got hit by a bus, they wouldn’t be able to call anyone, but they would be able to read hilarious postings of me sitting on the toilet. That is probably worth still carrying it around, right?

What is FinshTag? Well, I’m certain there is some marketing speak that will explain, right? Oh, wait here it is!

Haven't heard of FinishSafe or their FinishTag product? Think: Road ID, but instead of just supplying an emergency contact number, it supplies that AND the person's emergency information (e.g. allergies, medication, medical conditions, etc) via a unique PIN number called a "LifePin" that doctors and other medical professionals can use to quickly and safely access an injured person’s medical information anywhere via phone call, computer, smartphone app or text message.

So, basically it is like a Road ID but it contains MUCH MUCH more information because you have an online profile. Allergic to peanuts? Put that on there. Have to use lambskin because you’re allergic to latex? Yep, that’s included too.

One of the best features is that it is 100% adjustable so you can put it almost anywhere.

As you can see, after a recent 5 mile run

(wearing literally 10 year old basketball shorts) I put mine on my wrist:

Or my ankle:

Or, because it is completely adjustable, you could put it around or inside just about anything!!!

(That time it was in my pocket. What did you think?)

Pros:

The setup for your FREE medical tags is super easy. Since mostonline stores want to know your blood type anyway, so it doesn’t take muchlonger than doing that. In fact, if yougo to FinishSafe you can get a million of the tags for luggage, etc for free rightnow!!!
If you’re allergic to something like latex or you have herpes and want to make sure they know, you have nearly unlimited space in your profile to put all of your little idiosyncrasies.
When your wife and mother in law get new phone numbers, it is easy to update them in your online profile
No.Chaffing.

Cons:

If Peter Porsche smacks you while you’re on your bike, he is going to have to figure out where to call to get your emergency info. Not a huge deal as emergency personnel would know what to do and who to call, but Mr Porsche is going to have to know how to look.

Overall? I like like FinishTag. I really like the fact that when someone decides to change their phone number, I don't have to get a whole new unit. So, it gets my seal of approval:

BUT WAIT! Not only did Finish Safe send me one Finish Tag to try, they also sent me another one! Since I won't be wearing them on both wrists any time soon, I'm going to give one of them away.

Contest:

Here's what you do to enter! Just leave a comment if you follow my blog. Easy. If you don't follow, click the button up top on the right side and then comment. Like I say for every contest I do, I don't have those ANNOYING word verification dealies (seriously, I get like 1 spam comment a month without it, tops), so comments take you about 2 seconds. :) It is as easy as that!! Since it is a "smaller" giveaway, no facebook, twitter, etc required. Honestly, I just don't have a use for an extra FinishTag since you can update your information online!

I'll pick a winner Noon AZ time on Monday, Oct 31st!

FCC Crap: Got these for free (and so can you! Why are you reading this down here?? enter enter enter!!), but wasn't asked for a positive review

Taper Madness: I’m Scared

2011-10-26T09:29:00.000-07:00

It is nearly Halloween, I’ve ate my weight in 1 oz chocolates and skittles, and scary things are abound. Top that off with a ridiculous case of taper madness for Rock and Roll Savannah in 10 days and I’m scared of lots of things lately:

I’m scared that what I think are allergies are not actually allergies
I live in Phoenix Arizona where not only is the great blue-haired old people migration underway but everything is in bloom. I’m sneezing more than a coke head and I wake up with a headache whether I drank the night before or not. (Really allergies? Where is my motivation to NOT drink?) I know that it is just allergies, but in the back of my head I can’t help but assume that I’m getting sick – probably a tumor. WebMD always says it is a tumor.

Taped her? Taper?

I’m scared that the 4 miles that I ran on Tuesday isn’t going to be enough
I haven’t ran 4 miles in MONTHS – I looked. The last time I ran less than 5 miles was in July. But, I KNOW that it is the right thing to do (trust the plan, trust the training). Tapering has shown to increase marathon performance by 3% which for a 3:10 marathon (goal spoiler alert) is over 5 minutes. Stupid math – always making me do things that don’t sound right.

I’m scared that I’ll have to stop for a 5 minute poop break during the race
Remember that less than 4 miles that I ran in July that I mentioned above? Here is the run:

This is probably my #1 fear right now. I think that this and this alone is the one thing that could derail my race. So, what am I to do? High fiber before to clean the pipes? Lots of cheese to dam the fiords? These are the important things that I should be worrying about.

I’m scared that the fact that I’m not running is going to make me gain 10 pounds
Yes, even guys worry about that. To be clear, I’m not so worried about it that I’m actually stopping eating, but in the back of my mind I realize that every extra pound adds TWO seconds per mile in a marathon. Even 5 pounds gained is over 4 minutes longer (2 seconds per mile per pound)! STUPID MATH. Looks like I have to put down the candy corn and eat real corn. Or, at the very least, only eat candy with 10% fruit juice. You know, health food.

Most importantly. I’m scared that I’m over thinking it.
Which, is 100% true. 95% of the time, I run my best when I let my race come to me. (No reference link available – I googled “my brain” it came back with “no results”) When I let a race come to me I run without sweating seconds here or tangents there. Sometimes, I just need to relax, wash my hands so I don’t get sick, put down the candy corn, and go for a run. Everything else will work itself out.

What frightens you? Any good facts to back them up?

Am I more fit than a bodybuilder?

2011-10-24T10:22:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was flipping through the channels (trying to get away from the 8 channels that were showing Law and Order reruns) and I ran across a Strong Man competition on ESPN2. For those of you who are not aware, these are the competitions where huge men (or women) try to throw full kegs of beer over a 10 foot fence, carry 300 pound rocks, and try to pull a semi truck with a rope. As I was watching some guy named Mangus carry a VW Beatle, feeling my manhood slightly in jeopardy, I said aloud to no one in particular: “Yeah, but what is his 5K time?”

I have a feeling that ever since the second human sport was invented (ironically, probably dealing with rock throwing) the two different types of athletes were trying to compare each other to see who was better. Pissing matches are eons old. So, who IS the better athlete? Me or a body builder? Let’s take a look:

Bertha – female (I think) bodybuilder. Able to swallow 20 testosterone pills in a single mouthful.

Adam – male runner. While I’m flexing every muscle I’ve got in this picture,

it looks like my dork muscle is showing the strongest.

Let’s take a look at a few objective benchmarks of relative performance:

Bench Press:
While I’m not sure, but based on her ~~boobs~~ “Pecs”, Bertha should be able to bench press. . . . .me. . . . while I’m carrying 100 pounds. The last time I checked, I was getting out bench-pressed by 12 year olds. (Advantage, Bertha)

~~Attractiveness to guys:~~
~~Zero for both (Advantage, no one)~~

Half Marathon PR:
Mine is 1:29. Bertha doesn’t have one because she is too busy running 20 minute sprints to keep her body fat percentage as low as her menstrual cycle. That is, zero. (Advantage, Adam)

Ok, those items were MOSTLY in jest but I was seriously wondering how I could compare myself to a meat-head body builder. It is certainly an apples and oranges comparison, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying to pick a winner from two seemingly non-similar items (which is better: Going to the dentist or “The Situation” on Jersey Shore? Dentist). At the end of the day, I have to look at effort put forth and the relative “age group” performance. I’m probably top 5%, but Bertha has to be top 0.1%. I know lots of people who can run as fast as me but I only know one person who can not only palm a watermelon but can crush it with one hand – Bertha (Actually, “Bertha” is a random picture that I found on the internet).

So, is Bertha the better athlete? Who is the “best” athlete? Kobe Bryant? Payton Manning? Honestly, I might vote for a decathlon participant – or honestly maybe a triathlete. Who am I kidding, no matter what the contest, I’m voting for me! Now, I'm off to practicing pulling semi trucks with a rope.

8k/5 Mile Faux Race Report

2011-10-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

Often times, things that are "faux" are even better than the original.

Mowhawks? Yes.

Fur? Yes.

Well, and fashion faux pas stand by themselves:

This morning I ran a mock 5 mile race as part of my training plan. I treated it 100% like I would have a race – warm up, cool down, and 100% all out running for the specified race distance. No people cheering, no t-shirt, and certainly no high-fives along the course. Just me, lots of grunting, and maybe like 2 swears under my breath.

I’m actually a huge fan of Faux or Mock races as a training tool. They are a great substitute for speed work, they are a pretty good (95%?) predictor of top end fitness, and they are free! I like to throw these into the training plans I draft during the off-cycle periods of summer and winter. They are a nice goal to strive for without all of the mental prep of an actual race. However, I was rather surprised when I found that my current training plan had one planned for my first week of taper!

My goal for this run/race was to run somewhere around 6:10 pace. I didn't want to have to slow down for cars or stoplights so I decided to run it on the track. 20 painful laps around the track.

I managed a 31:35 for an overall average of 6:18 pace. So, not too horribly bad, but I certainly took a few important takeaways:

Double knot race day shoes. I lost 20 seconds retying one of my shoelaces when it came untied at mile 1.1
~~Make sure your grunts and grimaces are quiet when soccer practice starts in the infield or else you'll get lots of strange looks~~
I'm in marathon shape - not 5K shape. While this will sound arrogant, I probably could have ran another mile or two at the pace that I was going but I could NOT make my legs speed up. Need to work on that for sure.
Finally, my current training plan is working. I was a full 2+ min faster than my last 8K (5 mi) race or 25 seconds / mile faster. So, while I might not have the top end speed that my lungs can support, I certainly have the endurance.

Does anyone else do mock races as part of training? What about faux hawks?

Funny Foto Friday: Honk For Grandma!

2011-10-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

Really quick post today because I'm writing a second post about a mock-race that I did this morning as part of my speed work training. You can read about it up above!

Why is it that the most funny things are also always the most wrong? Happy Friday!

A quick bonus Funny Foto Friday because I'm not 100% sure this is real,

\but it is a CRAZY good idea.

Long Run Recovery Drink Recipe

2011-10-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

I'm back!! The reason for the blog constipation is ~~cheese, lots and lots of cheese~~ that over the past 4 days or so, my dad has been visiting. He rode his motorcycle from Iowa to Arizona and is leaving it here for the winter. A good blogger probably would have had a bunch of posts all scheduled and ready to go. I meant to do that. . . . I really did.

Instead, since the last time I posted, I've been RUNNING. Or, probably better stated I've been tapering. Including last weekend's 20 miler, I've ran a total of 49 miles since my funny foto Friday. Not too shabby. The plan that I am following has a rather normal 3 week taper with 75%, 60%, and 40% miles. The one difference is that the miles are FAST. No rest for the weary - I'll have no fewer than 3 speed days this week and 3 speed days next week. It will be VERY interesting to see how it all plays out.

-------------------------------------

We've all heard it before. ~~Running makes you poop yourself.~~ Running very long distances requires proper refueling. In fact, time is of the essence when refueling - no longer than 45 minutes after stopping to ensure that your muscles are still in "dry sponge mode".

It is probably worth mentioning that I am NOT a nutritionist, I am not a doctor. I am just a normal lazy runner who makes due with whatever he has laying around the house to refuel as best as possible. I've linked to smarty-pants sources where I could find them. Where I couldn't.... just trust me.

So, after every long run that is longer than 15 miles or so, I'll whip up the following shake that rehydrates, provides protein for muscle regeneration, simple carbohydrates to replace glycogen stores, and caffeine to speed the process along.

WARNING: Depending on how you make the below, it can range anywhere between 1,000 and 1,300 calories. Or, something like one of those Starbucks smoothies that they claim are "healthy". Not a huge deal because you likely just burned 2,000 calories, but still something to keep in mind.

Step 1: Find a larger cup that has a slogan on it that reminds you that all of the pain that you are experiencing is supposed to be fun. "It's all about the FUN!!!" Yeah, screw you cup, I can't sit on the toilet without my legs giving out and slamming my ass checks against it from 2 feet above.

Step 2: Protein. Protein is essential to repair damaged muscles post-run. You can get this from many different forms. I prefer to go the body building route and get me some ~~beefy Dolvette~~ Whey Protein. Most of these will have glutamine in them which is an amino acid that is supposed to aid in muscle recovery. Does it work? Meh, maybe. But it doesn't shrink my nads (I checked) so I buy into the media hype.

There are ratios that provide optimal recovery between protien and carbs. That is too much work for me, so I just put in a scoop or two and say "ratio, met!".

Options: You could replace this with Peanut butter if you have that laying around or if you are no-meat. But, to do that you'll have to have a blender.

Step 3: Liquid. Milk is the miracle drink here. In fact, for runs between 13 and 15 miles, a glass full of milk has enough protein and carbs to probably do just fine. But when I make one of these drinks, I didn't run far, I ran much much further. Far enough to justify eating a pizza in a glass.

Options: You can use water if your wife is yelling at you to not use all of the milk on your stupid running milkshake.

Step 4: Carbs Carbs are the go-juice of the body. If you just spent 3+ hours going, you need to replace your juice. (TWSS) Grab hold of the closest liquid calorie dispenser (chocolate syrup) and give it a healthy squeeze (TWSS). Close counts here. I normally give my bottle a squeeze to the count of 5, but if you wanted you could go more or less ~~depending on how lonely you are~~.

Options: You can skip the choco syrup to avoid 50 cals per tablespoon. If you use milk, you're going to get 12g of carbs per cup anyway

Step 5: Caffeine. Plain and simple - I've read multiple places that caffeine speeds glycogen absorption - up to 66% more retained. So, I grab yesterday's coffee and throw a splash in there. Can't hurt, right?

Options: I don't know? Don't do it? No-doze tabs in there?

Step 6: Salt. If you've ran far while it is very hot and dry or very cold (and also dry), the grit / disgusting milk mustache on your face is electrolytes that have left your body. While I'm sure that I get wayyy enough of this in my normal diet, I add a few dashes of salt anyway. Not a lot, but probably the amount that I would put on French Fries. Salt (sodium) helps to regulate hydration levels in the body and is essential in cell's ability to absorb water.

Options: If you have high blood pressure, or many other ailments, best to skip this one.

Step 7: Drink! Ideally, while still red in the face from your run, drink it down. Shirts are optional.

So, that is what I use to completely refuel from a long run. It hits everything that I seem to find important, but I’m always open to more suggestions. Does anyone else have a go-to recipe for their post run “meal”?

Funny Foto Friday: That Awkward Runner

2011-10-14T12:19:00.000-07:00

In my bullet point post yesterday about my 1000th post giveaway, I completely forgot to mention the comments I received about my "Too Pregnant to Run?" post. In short, most of the (decidedly female) comments were something to the effect of "You Go Gurl!!!". I'm also envisioning whatever the female equivalent of a chest bump is. Although, if we are being honest, the marathon pregnant chick is likely not going to be jumping any time soon.

The really interesting thing was that when I first posted the question on twitter without any facts, most of the people who responded replied that she was careless to take such an unnecessary risk. What did I learn from this? ~~Don't try to chest bump a mother who both ran a marathon and had a baby the day prior. It just looks like you are tackling her.~~ I dunno, I'm sure the Freakonomics people would have something to say about that....

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Over the past month or so, I've fallen in love with the (self created) saying "Everyone jiggles when they run". It is true! No matter how schvelt you think you are, if you're running there is a portion of your body that is shaking like Ricky Martin. The fact is, we all have our own running styles. Some of us twist like a washing machine (which you shouldn't), others run almost zombie like with their arms swinging low (Ryan Hall does this to a certain extent, never letting his hands rise much more than a few inches above his belt line). Even Crissie Wellington, the current world Ironman record holder, runs with a little hitch in her giddy up.

Anyway, the folks at ~~some random youtube I found on twitter~~ don't be that guy vids created a HILARIOUS version of what most of us likely look like when we're cranking out a long slow run on a hot day. (Update, shout out to Chelsea for RT'ing this and putting it in my feed!!)

Finally, since I know that a lot of you are watching this while at work and can't watch the above, here is a photo to get you by. Happy Friday!

Intervals with Adam: 1000th post, 25,000 calories, and kiddo updates

2011-10-13T10:58:00.000-07:00

Last week of build
This week is my last week of ultra high mileage for the Rock and Roll Savannah marathon. Starting next week I’m officially tapering, drinking hand sanitizer, and eventually **gasp** giving up beer/wine for the last week. 6 months or so ago, I made the very deliberate decision to pull back on my racing and focus on ONE fall race. Quite frankly, I’m more than a little scared about having no excuses for a perfect race on November 6th.

1000th Post
This post will be my 989th published post. Ever since those crazy Romans (in-between decimating most of the discovered world) invented the decimal (10 based) number system, we’ve been obsessed with everything that has a lot of zeros. So, in celebration of my extreme case of literary diarrhea, I’d like to do a BIG (self funded) giveaway. The hitch? I have no clue what to offer up. Shoes? Garmins? Race Entries? Those seem to be some of the most popular ideas that I have in my head. LET ME KNOW what you’d like to win. Everyone needs shoes – does anyone need a Garmin? A spring race entry would be nice, but it almost seems a bit like a gift card (which I am not a fan of). Based on my post frequency I have two weeks or so to figure it out…… let me know!

23,000-25,000 calories
I was chatting with RunningLaur about food and realized that I eat a LOT. I had never done the math before, but when I am running 70 miles/week I have to eat somewhere around 23,000 to 25,000 calories/week. And that is just to maintain my ~~schvelt~~ gaunt 150 pounds. I’m going to do a pictorial “day in the life” of my pie-hole, but I’m thinking about experimenting with just eating them all in two sittings. I could turn myself into a food camel!

Kid pics!
Finally, a quick update on my kiddo. (Read: Unapologetic picture posting) He is crawling at approximately a 21:00 pace and pushes around chairs, end tables, and anything else that is not strapped down. This means that we have to be on our TOES! No sooner do I turn around that he is standing next to the toilet smacking the lid or is trying to tip over my glass of ~~beer~~ water. We recently went to a pumpkin patch and let him touch all of the farm animals. Well, not ALL of the animals. He continued to try to touch the pigs covered in manure. I decided that it probably wasn’t the best idea. Feel free to email me your father of the year awards.

People always call me the other end of the horse.....

Cow says MOOO

Mom and baby on the hayride

All of the "do not climb on fence" signs were for everyone ELSE, not us

Too Pregnant To Run a Marathon?

2011-10-11T16:26:00.000-07:00

I want to start out this post by saying that, even though the meanies in elementary school thought otherwise, I do not have a uterus. I have never, nor do I ever want to (because I would die), give birth. In fact, I feel so strongly about this, I even took a picture in the bathroom proving that there was no uterus present:

Not the picture you were expecting?

First, I would be remiss in mentioning a KILLER run that I had today. I had 11 miles on the schedule with 6x1200 at 5K pace. I NAILED them with overall pace of the fast sections being 5:58/mile. If I could replicate runs like that I might never stop running, Forrest Gump style. But, on the flip side, to show that I’m not trying to be boastful. . . . Monday, I ran 6 miles in the morning and about pooped my pants (had to "walk it off") and then 4 again at night which, while a fun family run, was at 45 seconds slower than goal pace.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me at the 2008 Chicago marathon the only race that I have taken off my shirt and my personal worst marathon
Those nipple band-aids left tan lines that stayed there ALL winter.

The Chicago marathon was this past weekend. Unlike so many other large marathons, I was able to watch the FREE live stream on my computer. It was a hot day, but honestly how many years out of 10 can it be in the 80s and not be considered “normal” (They are working on 5 or 6 non consecutive years)? There was a new course record on the Men’s side (2:05:37) and the second fastest women to run a marathon EVER (2:18:20). Regrettably one man lost his life while running, oh and a woman ran while she was 39 weeks pregnant (for the guys – that is out of FOURTY weeks total!)

The story of the pregnant woman running has picked up not only social media steam, but also mainstream media steam – appearing on the Today show as well as many other news outlets. Once she finished in 6 hr 25 min, having contractions from the start, she gave birth to a healthy baby seven hours later at 10pm the same night. As you can imagine, the fact that she ran the race has been a bit polarizing.

Many have said that she is reckless at best and negligent at worst for stressing her body at such a late stage of gestation. This seems to be the position of mainstream media. Most article’s I’ve read and reports I’ve seen (because I am a news whore) have suggested that she is a crazy person, addicted to running. Others have said that, since she had her doctors permission and took it twice as slow as normal, people are getting up in arms about something that was a slight risk at worst. Here is one of the many articles about the race, but here are the cliff notes facts:

Amber Miller is 27 years old
8 marathons previously ran
3:25 marathoner (7:45ish pace)
Had spoke with her doctor about the race, agreeing to a run 2, walk 2 strategy
Had ran 2 marathons previous to Sunday while pregnant

Like I said in the opening, I’m a guy and therefore have to defer to her doctor who gave her the thumbs up. So, I guess it would seem fine to me. That said, I think that I would be highly suspect if my wife tried to do it while THAT pregnant. However, playing devil’s advocate, like many people said on twitter Michael Jackson’s doctor said some pretty bad things were okay – and I don’t think I even have to mention Octo-mom. I think the real thing that bothers me is the negative vibe most of the news reports have.

What do you think? Just because she COULD do it, SHOULD she have? If 39 weeks is too pregnant, is 30 weeks ok? What about 20?

Running vs Life - The battle over my body

2011-10-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

Last winter's beautiful grass

Being the patriarch of a household is a big responsibility. Of course there is the normal day to day bread winning responsibility, but also the spider killing, big steak eating, and dragging the trash to the curb stuff that all needs to get done. Oh, and the yardwork. Lots of back breaking yardwork. Yes, it is true! People in Phoenix do indeed have yards. In fact, it seems that the zero-scaping concept is going a bit backwards and people are putting in more and more plush, resource sucking yards in the middle of the desert.

Anyway, this weekend, doing my part to use as much fresh water as possible, I buzz cut my lawn and planted “winter grass” so that my little patch of over-watered heaven could stay green all year round. Call it the farmer in me but the brown grass all winter makes me want to grab a can of green spray paint and go to town. Tune in next week when I yell at the neighbors in my underwear.

Here is my dad and I adding more sprinklers a few years back when I first bought the house.

Little did I know that I was also giving myself a stress fracture as I had already ran 20 miles earlier in the day.

As I was almost literally breaking my back trying to get the lawn finished, a thought continued to creep into my head: ~~Can Beiber really keep his teen-pop momentum?~~ Am I going to feel sore tomorrow? If so, is that going to completely ruin my run? How much should I really be thinking about how much day to day responsibilities effect what is essentially a hobby?

Fortunately for me, I sit on my ass all day and rarely have to worry about my day to day responsibilities effecting my running in the least. I don’t have a nursing job, a teaching job, or even a construction job that has me on my feet all day. In short, if it wasn’t for running, I would live a VERY sedentary life. But on the occasion that I have to man up and spend an afternoon in the lawn, I’m sore for the next day or so and I can expect any speed day to be sucky. I’m a lot like a housecat. I lay around all day long except for that 30 minutes a day of intense exercise. (For most cats, this is usually at 3:00am)

I know lots of people who are on their feet all day and still get out there and log lots of quality miles. I have to think that, just like I am used to 60+ miles per week, they are used to 40+ hours of WORK during the week in addition to their miles. Right?

Does anyone else think about how chores or work are going to effect a run? Any good stories about how they have? I’ll give you a moment to answer. In the meantime, I’ll be the one stiff and sore VERY thankful that today was an easy day.

Reflections while on the run

2011-10-07T11:55:00.000-07:00

The more I run the more I learn about myself.

Normally when I run I have tunnel vision. I’m always thinking about form, pace, and doing mental math in my head. Thoughts about work, family, or life rarely enter into frame. Today during my 10 miler however, I learned that when the temperatures go down I let my laser focused tunnel vision widen a bit and let my mind wander. Today I thought about Steve Jobs, life, and mortality.

To be clear, I’m not one of those apple fan-boys that tattoos a picture of a half eaten piece of fruit on their ass. Nor do I have all things named “i”. But, as I ran down the road remarking at how cool it had become in such a short time, I thought back to Jobs’ rather expected passing and his 2005 Stanford commencement address. During the speech, he thought back on life, love, and his own mortality. One of the lines, often paraphrased, struck a chord with me.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Of course, the reality is that if I knew I had days to live, I sure as hell wouldn’t be at work. However, the point is still very valid. Life is far too short to not live your passion. Personally, I feel that I am living my passion right now. Work is work. I’m focused, driven, but I don’t let it define who I am.

Thoughts of getting into trouble are running through his head, I am sure

As I continued to run, by this point logging 6 miles, I got to thinking how my obituary would read. (I then realized that maybe I shouldn’t let my mind wander SO far while I run) I’ve read a few of Jobs’ obits and each has provided an interesting summary on his life. That said, I couldn’t help but notice that they were heavily skewed towards his work life. Sure, there was the mention of his children and wife but 90% was about his time at Apple, Pixar, etc.

I have to think that mine would be different. Of course, I haven’t done anything that changed the world – yet. I’m just a normal guy, focused on. . . . living. So, mine would likely be something much more mediocre. It would likely center around family, friendships, and honestly my running. It has become a focus of my life that would certainly require mention. Absent would be things around "Program management for multiple streams of multi-million dollar programs". Snooze. Here is likely what someone would end up with:

Adam was a husband, father, and runner. While he took those three things seriously, he lived his life with a carefree attitude that he carried throughout his life.

If you had 6 months to live, what would you do? I’d travel, visit family, and create all sorts of videos for key milestones for my kiddo.

What would your one-line obit say?

(Don’t worry about this “that’s what she said” free post. Tomorrow I’ll be back to my normal antics! Check out my Funny Foto Friday post below if you need a pick me up!)

Funny Foto Friday: 9 Reasons To Drink

2011-10-07T10:08:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I would drink here EVERY weekend if I could. You had me at free prostate exam, Cajun Mike. Happy Friday!

Double your pleasure, Double the fun!

2011-10-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

Now that I’ve finished this, it seems to have turned into a Three Things Thursday. Hop along over to Redhead Running, the creator of 3ThingsThursday, and give her some mid-injury love. She’s been relegated to using a vibrator to help her broken leg heal. (She called it a “bone stimulator”, but I’m not buying it.)

Double down
Recently, I was asked by a friend of a friend to put together a training plan for the New Years Double marathon in Dallas, Texas. What is the New Years Double marathon, you ask? It is a New Years Eve / New Years day combination that offers double 5Ks / Half Marathons / Marathons. It was pretty cool to put together what is basically a coaching plan for the double marathons even though I’ve never done it myself. Now, based on my current training schedule, I’m essentially TRAINING to do it, but that doesn’t mean that I’m ~~stupid enough~~ adventurous enough to try. I’ll do it someday as part of my 50 states marathon goal, but not until I Boston Qualify. If you’re interested in checking out the ~~fruit of my loins~~ the fruits of my labor, head over to the training page of the New Years Double.

Sore Calf

I’ve tried milking her for hours
and haven’t received a drop!

I haven’t posted about it yet (I meant to) but in the 2 days since my last post I actually battled with another one of those injury “dings” that I spoke of before. After the 18 miler on Sunday, my calf was SORE. Well, not my calf per-say, but down just a little bit lower in my soleus. Where is the soleus? Is that the part that Tom Cruise says atheists don’t have? It is actually the part that is just below the calf muscles and just above the heel. Here it is in a self-portrait that I took of myself.
I am happy to say that after a mentally PAINFUL rest day (I think I’m addicted to running) and a light recovery day afterwards I was able to run 12 pain free miles today at a rather uptempo pace. When I had 4 miles to go, I received the dreaded “battery low” warning from my Garmin so I cranked out a few 7:10 min miles to try to get back before it died.

ZOMG IT IS FALL!!!?!??!!1111!!!!1!!1!1!1

Finally, I have to admit that I’ve been gritting my teeth while reading about people’s cool weather running updates. 50 degrees this, light jackets at night that – it was enough to make me want to stick my head in the freezer. Ever since moving to Phoenix, I have kept one rule sacred: ~~No matter what, no underwear on the weekends.~~ If I want to brag about the awesome weather in the winter, I can’t complain about the heat (too much) in the summer. Well, after suffering through what seemed like 8 months of lows in the 80s, they are FINALLY dipping into the 60s. Get ready for some braggin!

Actually, I’m looking forward to testing my theory about hot weather training. I’m hoping that pushing through the hot temperatures will now afford me a few heart beats lower (due to lower dehydration / blood thickening, lower blood pressure, and lower blood usage for cooling). Even a 5 to 10 beats per minute lower will translate into 10 seconds a mile. . . .which is 3 or 4 minutes over the marathon distance. I’m making a mental list of the things I would do for 5 minutes faster on a marathon course. Believe me, the list is not pretty.

Anatomy of a 70 mile week

2011-10-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

Since embarking on my “bye bye family, I’m gonna Boston Qualify!” mission, I’ve had a lot of people come up and comment something to the effect of: ~~Seriously you’re too skinny, eat a cheeseburger.~~ HOW do you run 70 miles per week!? The answer I always give is as easy as selling toothbrushes to hillbillies (simple, yet impossible): one mile at a time.

Truth is, there is nothing special about running 30, 70 or even 80 miles per week. All it takes is time, a lot of patience, a little ~~playing with~~ listening to your body, and a very understanding family that doesn’t mind snuggling with a pillow that has my picture taped to the top. Last week, I ran 70 miles – and this is how it breaks down.

First, each and every day starts at 4:15. EVERY day. Even when I’m “only” running 5 miles. The reason is twofold. First, I find that since I’m a guy I’m big on ~~boobs~~ routines. Second, if I’m getting up that early even on the short days, I get to replace the “daddy pillow” with my flesh sack self and hang out with my family before I have to go to work.

Second, when I am not running, sleeping, or working, I am eating (and therefore pooping) or thinking about eating. As I sit here typing this, it is 9am on a Monday morning. Ate breakfast 2 hours ago and I could eat again. Not a snack, a FULL meal. If I burn 1800 calories a day normally, I need around 3000 to sustain myself during this kind of load. While fun at first, as I was moping around the house on Saturday eating left over Worthers Originals candies (not kidding) while trying to find an afternoon “snack” (meal) it was rather annoying. (I do realize this is sort of like complaining about having too much money, being too good looking, or having too big of man bits)

Here is the way the week shakes out. I’m using a Pete Pfitzinger plan slightly modified for my own sanity and running style. Looking back, I seemed to be having a rather flat week with more than a few runs where I complained about tired legs. I copied the brief descriptions from Daily Mile which provide a bit of what I was feeling.

Monday: 10 mile track w/ 6x1000M @5K pace (Total Miles ran – 10) 07:53 pace
6x1000 @ 5K pace. I've never done 1000s before, if you never have either, let me tell you... they were HARD! Averaged exactly 6:00 pace on them but it felt like I was sprinting each one. Even now, 8 hours later my legs are SORE!

Tuesday: 15 mile mid week long (Total miles ran - 25) 07:54 pace
Legs felt TIRED towards the end. Kind of like little people had attached themselves and wouldn't let go.

Wednesday: 6 miles recovery am, 4 miles recovery pm (total miles ran – 35)
AM Run: I finally decided to give in to my training plan and run twice in one day. Part one of recovery run went ok.... 08:04 pace
PM Run: Night running SUCKS! Side cramps, dry mouth, bugs.... I don't know how people do this. 08:27 pace

Thursday: 12 mile general aerobic run (Total miles ran – 47) 07:53 pace
Another double digit run - and my legs FELT like it (and still do). This week's, and likely part of last week's, miles are starting to catch up with me. On tap tonight: Sleep. Lots of sleep.

Friday: 5 mile recovery (Total Miles Ran – 52) 07:59 pace
Sweeeeeet recovery

Saturday: ~~18 mile run with 14 at marathon pace of 7:15~~ REST!

Sunday: ~~REST!~~ 18 mile run with 14 at marathon pace of 7:15 (Total miles ran – 70) 07:26 pace
14 miles at 7:15ish. Half marathon in 1:35:29. Could have ran 3-4 more at that pace....... but more??? hmmm

Why you run so much??

So, that is how last week played out. Fortunately, I’m on the faster side so it doesn’t take me quite as long to run those miles – 9 hours, 9 minutes. Honestly, that is about half of what most people train at the peak of Ironman training and certainly less than if I were running 10 or 12 minute miles. But if you add warm up/cool down / stretching/pooping to that, I'm sure it balloons upwards to 15 hours or so.

The real question that I've asked myself over and over again is simple: WHY? I've honestly never tried the uber high mileage approach and wanted to see if it could take my running to the next level. Will it work? Maybe. I feel faster at 13+ miles than I ever have in my life. But, we all know that feeling good and RACING good are a lot like Siegfried and his white tigers. Sure, they are buddy buddy most of the time. . . . but every so often "That tiger goes tiger" and bites off a piece of face. Hopefully, come race day I'll be the one cracking the whip - not getting my face bit off.

Funny Foto Friday: MP3 Player Jogging Suit

2011-09-30T15:28:00.000-07:00

RunningLaur, who is training for a 100 mile race (and is therefore certifiably insane), recently sent me a Funny Foto Friday that I couldn’t pass up. For that matter, if anyone else has a funny Foto Friday that they think deserves mention, shoot it my way! While I can’t promise that I’ll post it, if I do I’ll give you all the credit. I might even call you certifiably insane!

Anyway, turns out that an inventor created a “Jogging suit” that not only includes built in controllers, but is powered by your up and down movement!

Per neatorama.com, Rafael Rozenkranz designed a washable jogging suit that has a MP3 player built into it. A kinetic generator powers the player, which is controlled with large buttons on the chest. Best of all, the skintight suit will look so very attractive on you.

A few things:

If I see you wearing this, I don’t care if you are running mile repeats at 4:00/mile pace – you are JOGGING
Really? We needed to make this thing skin tight and look like it was from the movie TRON? REALLY!?
This dude has a beard, but no man bits. Sort of like an army Ken doll.
Quite honestly, if someone were to tell me that it had speakers built into the ass, I think that I just might have to buy it. But, then again, I already have a speaker built into my ass – and it only plays one horrible horrible note. Happy Friday!

Rock and Roll Arizona Marathon Course Announcement!

2011-09-30T11:11:00.000-07:00

The start of Dr Suess’ book “Oh the places you will go” starts out:

Congratulations! / Today is your day. / You're off to Great Places! / You're off and away!

You have brains in your head. / You have feet in your shoes. / You can steer yourself any direction you choose. / You're on your own. And you know what you know. / And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

I’ve had many experiences in my life – some of the most memorable related to running. I’ve met many great runners, bloggers and friends alike. Yesterday however was a first. ~~I brushed my teeth before I ran! (Kidding, I never do that)~~ I was invited to the official PF Changs Rock and Roll Marathon Course Announcement. It was time for me to rub elbows with the likes of Mayors, city council people, and the CEO (I think? Maybe just some dude) of PF Changs. To say that I was out of my element would be like saying Kim Kardashian would be out of place if she were. . . .at the PF Changs Rock and Roll Marathon Course Announcement. One might say that we were twins. Ugly duckling twins. But I digress.

The competitor group decided that the original half marathon and marathon course were getting stale and worn and wanted to shoot a little botox into it. A course facelift! No word on butt implants.....

Much better picture at http://runrocknroll.competitor.com/arizona

The full marathon course actually follows a very similar path as before with a slight detour away from old town Scottsdale (home of aforementioned butt implants) and instead going through beautiful Papago Park:

The real changes are with the half marathon. They decided to split the start of the half from the full which both the half and the full marathon participants will enjoy. No shuttles for the half marathoners, no half marathoners for the full marathoners. Well, honestly, I'm not sure that the half marathoners even realized that the full marathoners were there. But, on the full side, the 20,000 half marathoners are a little hard to ignore!

Essentially, the half marathon goes through about every place that I'd want to go through in the Phoenix/Tempe/Scottsdale area. Not only do you go through papago park, but you also hit:

Arizona State University in Tempe:

What do cheerleaders have to do with running? I dunno? Booty Shorts?

Old town Scottsdale:

What do horses have to do with running? I dunno? Do horses wear booty shorts?

And even hits Tempe Town Lake:

Overall, the updated course looks like a great improvement to the course that I ran in 2010. I think that it hits a lot of the high points of the city and avoids some of the boring spots where you run miles and miles through residential streets. If I wanted to do that - I'd just run at home.

The press conference itself was interesting. I wasn't sure what to expect as the only ones I'd ever seen were on TV or in movies. I half expected Kobe Bryant to jump out and start crying about how he "let his family down". Unfortunately, he was no where to be found. Instead we were treated to light music beforehand (they were still setting up when I took the picture):

A rather young and blond press corps. It seemed that the people at the event fit into one of three groups: business types in suits, blond female reporters furiously taking notes, and nerdy bloggers hanging out on the side ~~staring at blond female reporters~~ taking pictures of everyone inconspicuously.

And even the CEO of the competitor group

Finally, probably one of the coolest parts was that I got to meet Olympian Alan Culpepper. He actually works for the Competitor group (that puts on the Rock and Roll races) as director of operations. Essentially, he was the man behind the course redesign. As one of the few runners in the audience, I latched onto him like a running nerd to..... Alan Culpepper ..... and chatted him up about the new course and what Rock 'n' Roll had in store.

What is up with American runners being so tall!?

Overall, the experience was fun, the course looks improved and was just the catalyst I needed to finally pull the trigger and get the race "officially" (read: paid for) on my race calendar. Let me know if you are making it to Phoenix to run the full or the half!

Dolvett, Dings, and Double Runs

2011-09-28T11:30:00.000-07:00

Dolvett
After my post on Monday about the biggest loser, a few things happened:

No fewer than FOUR people commented on my snub of Biggest Loser trainer / apparent “cutie-pituty” Dolvett
Almost everyone agreed with my take on Anna K
Nitmos screamed “SCOREBOARD” and then went on to mention that Anna K was actually a pretty kick-ass doubles tennis star
I was contacted by a group about some fun stuff that I’ll share later.....like tomorrow (tease!)

So, Dolvette. In short, I LOVE the 38 year old new coach from Biggest Loser. He seems to have the right mix of Jillian and masculinity (who am I kidding? Those two are the same thing) to balance out Bob. Never one to deprive the people from what they want and pass at a chance that I am equal opportunity, if you’re not watching the show, here is what you are missing:

Dings

Now that it is (American) football season, my vocabulary has exploded with all sorts of fun and manly words. Which, after the picture above was a MUCH needed boost of man-juice. Wait, that didn’t sound right. . . . Terms like “spread offense” and “A Gap” are abound in the ‘Boring household. Another that is often used is the term “ding”. That is, when someone gets hurt, but not enough to actually stop them from performing at the top of their game. After running 3 weeks at 65+ miles per week, I’m starting to feel the marathon peak “dings”.

It isn’t anything particularly major, my knees are a bit achy, my calves are tighter than my wallet on payday, ~~my cannonball form is WAY off~~, and my feet are SORE. Seriously, who has sore feet? Fortunately for me, all of these are just “dings” and I’ll be fine once I start taper. IN THREE WEEKS! Crap.

Double Runs
Because of my dings and the fact that I’ve been running late to work every day this week, I am going to follow my plan today and actually split up my recovery run. 6 this morning, 4 tonight. Normally I’d just cram both into a 10 mile run and be done for the day, but I want to give my legs a bit of a rest and give them a chance to heal a bit before tomorrow’s pace work. I’ve found that running at night does let my legs recover well, but it also has the unfortunate side effect of making me want to yack on the sidewalk. I’m not sure how the night runners do it, but I’m going to give it a(nother) shot!

Ugg, I couldn’t take the DTrain pictures up top. So, I leave you a funny foto Friday reject:

The Biggest Loser

2011-09-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

Last week in the United States (I’m ignorant enough to not know ~~anything~~ much about TV in other countries other than those Japanese reality shows where everyone gets punched in the crotch) the reality show The Biggest Loser started. In the show they take 15 morbidly obese contestants, scream at them for 8 hours, have a 10 minute choreographed heart to heart to talk about feelings, have a cheesy 30 second product placement for gum or zip-loc bags, and then scream at them for 4 more hours. It is reality TV at its FINEST.

A lot of people poo-poo the show as setting a bad example – people losing 25 pounds in a week, ~~Bob Harper not telling anyone if he is gay or not,~~ the level of activity that the people are put through (e.g. running a marathon). Honestly though, I love the show. It sets a great example for what can happen to anyone given the right support structure, the right training, and the right focus. Honestly, this not only applies to weight loss, but also running. In a previous post, I said that I believed that probably 80% of people could be top 10% runners**. Honestly, for myself included, this would take some sort of Biggest Loser type intervention. But, it could happen.

There are, however, a few things that I do not like about the show. Specifically: Anna Kournikova. The resident militant female, Jillian left the show and the producers decided to replace her with an easy on the eyes tennis star. The fact that she hasn’t won any majors notwithstanding, I’ve yet to see anything that is particularly awe inspiring or jaw dropping from what she is able to do with the contestants. Four pounds lost in the first week by two of the contestants!? Where is the screaming a-la Jillian? What about the cozy bear hugs a-la Bob? Granted, she has some big shoes to fill, but either Anna is going to have to start punching people in the face or grow a beard – fast.

Finally, the thing that I am most excited about is the fact that every single one of the 15 contestants will be running a full marathon at the end of the season, even if they get kicked off before that time. Some people will piss and moan about how unprepared the contestants are or how dangerous it is. However, to those people I say, “~~Pound sand.~~ No one is fully prepared to run a marathon. They are prepared to their best abilities and they execute on those abilities. Maybe seeing someone who is 300 pounds will convince someone that they can run a 5K – and THAT would be a great thing for the sport I love.”

**Nerds: I do realize that this is a statistical impossibility. Go back to your abacus