Tuesday, September 19, 2017

A post about nothing

Since this blog has always been a very thinly veiled attempt at telling all of my witty life stories under the guise of running, I thought it was time enough that I ramble on about nothing and everything all at once. The last 6 months have reminded me of the saying, "if you want something done, ask the busiest person you know and they'll find a way".  That is me. I'm the busiest person. Everyone is asking me to do everything. I would tell you it was a lie that I've had to schedule time to poop, but.....

My son is still as fun as ever. Fun of course meaning I have to ask him to do things 3 times and then usually yell something like "IF I FEEL YOUR TOOTHBRUSH WILL IT BE WET?!".  Checkmate, little man, brush your teeth.

Hey there, sweetheart. Do you come here often?

I have to admit, I've gotten pretty good at nagging him to do things. Usually I'm nagging while I'm on the couch looking at crossfit Instagram accounts.  Have I mentioned I'm in crossfit now? All I need is a nasty recliner that is for some forsaken reason outside on the porch and a careless attitude about nudity in the locker room to go along with way too much body hair and my transition to old man would be complete. Get off my lawn

The picture before this we all had our tongues out

But, in spite of some of the frustrations, every so often he reminds me that he is still my baby boy that weighed 5lbs 14oz when he left the hospital.

Snuggles with his favorite Luigi doll

So, I have a beard now. You would know this if you followed me on Instagram hint hint. I am still not sold on it 100%. It has more gray hairs in it than I would like to admit and most days I feel like it is more work than just shaving (leave it to me to figure a way to make everything harder).  But a few people have told me it looks good and I think that it will be hilarious to look back on 5 years from now in a "what are you talking about mullets were totally in style!?" kind of a way.  This coming from a guy who had a bowl cut for a solid 8 years growing up.

Stupid beard....

My dog Max has been...... Well..... He is a puppy. How long can I use that for him being a little shit?  Either way, I'm sure he'll grow out of the chewing stage in 5 or 6 years.  In the meantime, all of my couch pillows are now on lockdown and every time I come home my son and I play the what did Max eat today game....the game where nobody wins.

RIP pillow

Finally, I'm still posting a photo a day on Instagram.  I'm nearly 4 years in - in fact, I've posted over a thousand picture on there.  This Friday will mark day 265 which means there are 100 days left in the year.  As much as I joke about stuff, things in the 'Boring household are going along swimmingly. But, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that I was a bit reflective on the time left in the year. I think I'm going to spend some time this weekend deciding how I want to spend the remainder.  I'll bet I could get at least 5-6 photos out of pumpkin spiced lattes!

Monday, September 11, 2017

A week in review

One week of consistently doing (is 'doing' the right verb?) crossfit down! After a week, since I am now officially an expert, I can only assume that sponsored blog posts and free equipment reviews are only a few days away!  So, since everything is still new in the "awww, its cute when he bites his fork while eating" kind of way, I thought that I would provide a few of my first impression thoughts.  Like everything else that is new, I'm just laughing at all of the jokes, trying not to get handsy, making sure to keep it fun and light, and try to keep my sweating under control.

Me and all of my crossfit friends
Quote a friend of mine: "No one gets to crossfit early".  Noted. 

I'm sore....and my butt is chaffing.....and I have blisters everywhere
So, look. I'm not built to do a lot of work all at once. I'm built to do a little bit of work 1,000 times. Helllooooooo ladies.  The thing about crossfit, or lifting weights in general, is that the most you would ever work out would be an hour - usually closer to 30 minutes. That means that the workouts are INTENSE.  This is both the appeal as well as the black eye of crossfit. On the one hand, the intensity is fun! Grunting and sweating and farting and lifting and more sweating are what makes it challenging. But, on the flipside, that is how people get hurt. For me, it just means that I'm sore in all of the wrong places and have blisters where I have never had them before. Also, I am sweaty.

The workouts might look hard, but there are a billion cheats accommodations
Ah yes. My saving grace. Every single workout has a prescribed weight (for Arnold Schwarzenegger, I assume) as well as a host of ways to make them easier for us mere mortals. No one bats an eye if you throttle down the weights a bit and only a handful of people use the full weight required. This is honestly one of the things I like most about it.  I never have to fear of not being able to do something when I go. Although, I will admit that it is tough to see almost everyone using more weight than me which brings me to....

Be Humble.
Time for a little truth talk. So, I'm used to being good at things. Especially working out. When I stopped running before my surgery, I was pretty regularly in the top 5% of runners. Conversely, I am NOT good at crossfit.  Like, I'm comically bad. I've had to force myself to remember that I got good at running not because I was a good athlete but instead because I refused to quit for 10 years. 80% of success is showing up.  I'm stubborn that way. Quite honestly, half the fun of crossfit right now is the challenge it provides, which I am sure will continue for the next decade or so.

Be Humble.
(Mom, don't listen. There are lots of swears.)

So.  So far, so good. That is, as long as you call struggling to get off of the toilet in the morning "good". But, I'm willing to keep with it. At least for the next 10 years or so.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

First rule of crossfit

The world has a cruel sense of humor sometimes. One minute you're cruising down the road singing Bieber eating a frozen yogurt with extra gummy worms because you're worth it without a care in the world.  The next minute, you blink and realize that your 1,350 post blog hasn't really had a lot of activity in two years.  The reason? A torn patellar tendon, a frayed meniscus, and an IT band that needed to be surgically 'released'. 

So, that happened. 20 pounds also happened (although, most would agree that I tipped the scale a tad on the 'meth addict tweaker' side of the spectrum before anyway). I'll tell you what didn't happen - running. Running never did feel any better than it did pre-surgery.  Cest la vie.  Pass the ice cream. 

Halo Top binge aside (it is only 300 calories per tub, basically health food) I'm always surprised with how and when inspiration will strike.  For example, most of my good ideas happen on the toilet in the 20-25 minutes in the shower. The inspiration for my latest adventure however was a two year old Facebook memory pic of my surgery. I was so excited to be 'fixed' and get back to being 'better'. Nope!! If I am honest with myself, the last few years have been me flopping around from thing to thing like a fish out of water.  I needed focus. I needed a goal. Enter crossfit.

Now, I'm not a trendy guy. I like my TV predictable, my hard candies butterscotch, my oatmeal lumpy, and my workouts plain. But, crossfit has a lot of appeal. There is a competition aspect, but a lot of comradery. There is focus on speed and pushing your limits, but accommodations for all types of T-Rex armed runners. Plus, since everyone knows the first rule of crossfit is to talk to everyone about crossfit, I assume it will provide another 1,350 posts worth of content. Win/win for everyone!

So, I'm going to give it a shot.  And by give it a shot I mean I paid good money to do it so I'm for sure going to do it. This blog started off as my feeble attempts at running which culminated with a 3:04 marathon and a trip to Boston.  I'll be anxiously awaiting where this story line ends up!

Token pic of the kiddo

Oh, and the inspiration to dust off the blog? Edwin, a Kenyan runner, added me on Daily Mile - right after he cranked out 16k at 5:28 pace.  Remember Daily Mile? I barely did. But, I assumed that if a random sub-elite runner was interested in following someone who hadn't logged miles in 2 years, there would be someone interested in reading my innuendo and off color humor progress with crossfit.  Either way, I'm going to message Edwin and see if he likes Justin Bieber....or maybe ice cream. Extra gummy worms are on me, buddy!

Monday, February 13, 2017


One of the hardest parts of getting into another fitness activity is setting up a new routine. I’m not sure if it is because I’m a guy and my simple brain works best when it can automatically float through life (it does), but all of my past successes have been when I have a good “running routine”.  Get up at 4am, run, stretch, shower, be to work by 7. Simple.  Hell, there were a few mornings where I didn’t even remember the first part of my runs! But, for some reason with the time that I took off, I’ve gotten into an entirely different routine.  Let’s call my current routine the “sit around and be fat” routine.  SAABT for short.

To be fair to myself, I’m not JUST sitting around, I’m also eating. :) Seriously though, for a variety of reasons (work mostly), I’ve fallen out of my normal habits.  Over the last 6 months or so I’ve attempted to get back on a regular schedule of working out early in the morning with limited success. More often than not, I’ve used the quiet time of the day to catch up on work or maybe quietly drink coffee without 15 nonstopped questions about “dad, when Max gets his (neutered) stiches out, THEN can he make baby puppies?”.  No, son. The answer is always no.

What I say I've been doing: Drinking coffee in the morning

What I've actually been doing.....

The other challenge is gear.  The thing that initially drew me to running as much as it did was the lack of ‘gear’ required. All you need was a pair of shoes and a garmin, and body guide, and a water belt, and shorts with the underwear built in, and some gels, and maybe even a wicking shirt if it was colder than 50 degrees and you were off and running! Cycling requires more parts than trying to put together a dresser from IKEA and lifting weights requires some form of weights if I want to actually get bigger vs just toned like Justin Bieber. (Actually, nevermind. Biebs is actually looking pretty ripped.  Crap.  SPEAKING OF, have you heard his music lately?  It's actually pretty good!  Double crap.)

So, like anything new - be it working out, a new hobby, or even regular old work – there is a learning curve that must be overcame.   It seems like scheduling and lack of gear are the ones that I’m currently working through. One of those would seemingly be easily fixed with money.  The other is a little bit harder to overcome – but not nearly as hard as it would be for Max the dog to have babies after his surgery….  More to come on how I work through setting up a routine!

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Oh Hi

Oh hi.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you're so busy that you just don't have time to do laundry and before you know it you're wearing your old fat clothes from high school?  What about one of those years?  Yeah, me either.

So, I haven't blogged in over 6 months.  That is my longest period of time without blogging in nearly 10 years. To put that into context, when I started blogging I was married, lived in a different state, had a different job, and didn't have a rambunctious 6 year old.

Also, when I started blogging, I still ran.  Womp womp.  Part of the reason for my lack of literary inspiration is due in no small part to my lack of running.  It is 50% of this blog's title, afterall! Rest assured, the other boring half of this blog will forever be burned into the fiber of my being.

As you might recall, I had surgery on my knee in September of 2015.  I had torn my patellar tendon as well as a host of other things.  My surgeon at the time told me that the surgery had a 50/50 chance of success..... guess which side I was on?  So, as I sit here 18 months later, it hurts to get up off of the toilet, hurts to flex my quad all the way, and I'll limp for days if I run more than 2-3 miles. So, yeah.

So, my surgery failed. Now what? It is interesting how much you realize your personal identity is tied to something when you can no longer do it. Even today I'll get the "so, any races coming up?" questions by people who mean well. For the first 6 months or so post surgery, I tried very hard to do everything I could to get back to running. For the next 6, I moped around and gained a pretty solid 15 pounds (of muscle obviously french fries). These last 6 months or so I've come to grips with my new 'reality' and have been actively searching for my next 'thing'.

While selling face cream and/or smelly oils crossed my mind, it seems like I have settled on a combination of bike riding and weight lifting.  My body has always been built for doing a little bit of work 10,000 times really quickly vs a lot of work 10 times, so weightlifting has been providing the humbling challenge I crave.

So, what about this running blog? I honestly don't know. The truth behind "The Boring Runner" is that I wanted to be funny in that my blog was (hopefully) not boring but that running is indeed super boring. I wonder if I could maybe continue the irony of having a running blog without actually running? Couldn't be worse than the blogs with 15 sponsored posts in a row...... heyoooo.

I'm not sure when I'll blog again, but I feel like I owed the 10 people who kept this blog in their feed an update. I'm thinking I might catalog my foibles trying to learn how to lift weights... Believe me, there are months and months of content involved with that!  If nothing else, at least I hung on to my high school fat clothes!  Acid washed jeans are still in style, right?

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Fast or long?

"Oh baby, I'm not built for speed.....I'm built to go long!" -- Every male junior high cross country runner, ever.

Since throwing caution to the wind a few weeks back and deciding to suck it up and run on my injured knee, I've been on quite the endurance tear!  I'm running 2-3 times a week and am trying to get on the bike at least once or twice (usually once).  Now that I'm falling into somewhat of a routine, I can't help but ask myself: now what? Should I push my knee to its limits and see if I have another half or full marathon in me?  Should I focus less on distance and more on speed? Forget about goals and simply run for fitness? 

Right now I'm running 3-6 miles at my old long run pace, 7:30/mile. When I first started back at it, my pace was all over the place but I've fallen back into the comfortable rhythm of 8 miles per hour. The only difference is that while before I could sing the star spangled banner while running with Mariah Carey style gusto (and also with a Mariah Carey shaped ass, obviously), now it is all I can do to blurt out 3 word answers to my running buddy, Ryan.  But, I'm sure that if I keep at it I'll be belting out showtunes in no time at all.

But, moderate running success aside, I need a goal. On the one hand, I'm pretty certain that if I try to jump back into marathon training I'll hurt myself again.  On the other, I could probably train pretty successfully for 5K races with moderate but consistent mileage.  Quite honestly, I'm not sure what to do or where to take my running future. (Or, should it be a biking future?)

Hanging w/ my running buddy, Ryan
God I love "running"

While I know that I don't need to figure this all now, I'm a planner, so yes I do thank you very much. In all seriousness, I don't really need to figure it out for a few weeks, but it would be good to know if I should start looking at marathons again or if I should buy a pair of track cleats. I suppose if I go with the latter, I'll fit RIGHT in with all of the cross country boys and their sophomoric jokes!