Monday, June 1, 2015

Bolder Boulder 10K Race Report!!

While probably not wise with my knee, this past Memorial Day I strapped on more spandex than a Richard Simmons convention, put on my best padded helmet, and walked 6.2 miles with 45,000 of my closest friends. Just another weekend living the Boring Adam life………

Distance: 10K
Time: 1:50:41
Pace: 17:49
Place: 39,566 / 45,000ish (Top 88%)
AG (M30-34) place: 365 / 388 (Top 94%!!!!)

As with a lot of my race reports, I feel like this one will focus on the points leading up to the race but not the actual race itself. While a lot of people love reading the blow by blow of each and every mile, I’d rather go on and on about the uniqueness of the places I’m visiting – not how I had to poop at mile 6.

To that end, this past Memorial day I took an especially long weekend and visited Laura outside of Boulder. Lately, my trips have been a bit short, but this trip was Thursday through Tuesday which offered lots of time for debauchery (which, mostly manifested itself as trips to Home Depot and Furniture stores). When I landed on Thursday, we headed straight for a trendy area of Denver and met up with friends and none other than RunnerMatt himself.  Matt is a podcaster and a consistent marathon age group placer who in his mid 40s is targeting a sub 3 hour marathon in Chicago this fall.

RunnerMatt!! (Behind my massive head...which is completely obscuring Laura)

Since I haven’t been able to run, bike, or essentially do anything much that raises my HR outside of the bedroom, I have been trying to stay consistent with my PT exercises. So, the next day involved me doing an hour’s worth of leg extensions and butt lifts while Laura did a much harder (and arguably manlier) workout. I fear I am quickly becoming the Kevin James of this relationship. Bring on the bean dip.

Took everything I had not to tip her over. Everything. I. had.

I’d mentioned before that Laura bought a new house a short while ago, so part of the weekend was spent looking at various pieces of furniture and making runs to Home Depot for various household items. If anyone knows me in person, they know that I 1) haven’t made a Home Depot trip that I haven’t enjoyed and 2) haven’t gone on a furniture shopping trip without making a fool out of myself.  So, to say that I had fun while running these errands would be like saying Kim Kardashian doesn't like selfies (which, for the record, I love selfies too).

Relaxing in $4,000 massage chairs for...15 minutes. Oops.
If I could teach this chair how to laugh at my jokes, I wouldn't need Laura!

Confirming no boogiemen were hiding under the bed
Quote a friend on facebook: "Don't buy a bed with a built in dog-house"

The next day (or the day after? Let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter) we went on a quick hike. We had tried to go the day before but it started to thunder and lightning pretty bad, ultimately POURING down rain, right when we started and neither of us wanted to be a human lightning rod.  That said, I was quick to remind Laura that if she DID get struck by lightning that I got to keep her running medals.

The hike was amazing (as it seems like they all have been lately). It climbed a few thousand feet or so over the course of a few miles give or take and it took an hour or two (yeah, I forgot my Garmin). It provided for amazing views on the way up as well as when we reached the top – looking over most of Boulder.

AMAZING views while hiking with Laura

Again, seriously amazing views..... :)

Of course, there were lots of post hiking beers that day as well as the day after. Honestly, the post hiking beers sort of blended from post hiking beers to carb loading beers to celebrating race beers. The fun thing about going to Colorado is that there are lots of fun little microbreweries that are more than happy to raise a glass to whatever you’re celebrating.

In this picture, I feel like we were celebrating.. lunch? Who knows.

Again, celebrating...the hike?  Celebrating the rain?  Do you really need a reason to have a great beer? (or bloody mary, as it were)

Once we were done hiking and drinking and eating and drinking and then eating some more, it was time for the task at hand - RACING!  Or, walking. Whichever. As we all know, fueling your body for peak performance is vital. So, I think that it should go as no surprise that the night before the race I, along with a handful of friends, proceeded to do this with equal amounts of wine and cheese. Also known as: Carbs and Protein.  I'm not sure if I got the ratio right like in chocolate milk, though. I wonder how many bottles of wine I should have drank to offset the 2 pounds of cheese I ate?  Math is hard.

Prerace girls night in - squeeee!!!!

As I woke up race morning it was very obvious that this was not going to be a PR attempt for me.  First, I still had wine and cheese from the night before sloshing around in my colon stomach. (By “slosh” I obviously mean “hunkered down like a lead balloon”.) Second, I wasn’t really worried about getting to the starting line when my wave went off. There are dozens and dozens of waves starting from 7:00 to 9:30 spreading the field out to provide minimal congestion. And third, I put on about 3 layers of spandex.

Since Laura and I are both injured, we decided to capitalize on the opportunity and dress up like the 80s gameshow American Gladiators – complete with padded jousting sticks.  This was quite possibly the best decision we have ever made. It allowed us to make a spectacle out of ourselves which is honestly my #1 priority if I am not running for speed.

Of course, our costumes weren’t without downsides. Everyone kept telling me how nice my ass looked in spandex. :( As it turns out, having big jousting sticks doesn’t exactly promote on course safety, which is why a very official looking person told us that we couldn’t run with them. Never one to give up, we promptly ignored this advice, snuck into one of the corrals, and at 8:20 we were off!!!!!


Thank god this wasn't a death-match. God made me a runner, not a gladiator / jouster.

Walking a race is interesting in that everyone passes you. Like, everyone.  I felt a little bit like the tortoise and the hair except we didn’t really win the race at the end. That said, we did NOT go slow.  We averaged a healthy 17:49 min / mile including all of our stops to bash each other in the head for Laura to bash me in the head. I would imagine this meant that we were walking 16:00ish pace? Also known as “angry ex-NYC get out of my way, annoying tourist” pace.

The race part was fun, but honestly not quite as wild as people made it out to be.  There was no on-course beer, jello shots, keg stands, bacon, or anything similar. There were 2 slip and slides, but they were so muddy by the point that we were there that neither of us wanted to go down them. All in all, it was just a normal race. That is, except for the people screaming “HEY, NICE COSTUME!!!” To which Laura and I would respond “GLADIATORS READDDYYYYY…. GOOOO!!!” and start jousting.

Note the people were giving us a WIDE girth, mostly due to Laura helicopter spinning her jousting stick while trying to smack me in the face

At about the 4 mile mark, my knee started to get really cranky.  All of the jumping around getting the crowd cheering was starting to take its toll.  So, for the last mile and a half or so, we saved our jousting energy for the big finish in the Univ of Colorado football stadium.  During which both of us were on the jumbotron running, jousting, and laughing more than any man wearing spandex ever should. It was amazing.


Overall, the Bolder Boulder seemed like a really nice race. It reminded me a LOT of the 4.2 mile Pat Tillman race in Phoenix each year. Honestly, if Pat Tillman wasn't such a strange distance (42 was his jersey number), I think that it could give this race a run for its money in both size and notoriety.  It was a great race to check off of my bucket list and one that I would love to do when fully healed, jousting sticks optional, spandex required.

8 comments: said...

That is a race I've always wanted to try too.

It sounds like it was a lot of fun. Sorry to hear the knee got a bit cranky though.

Pam @ said...

First, I would totally buy that bed BECAUSE it has a built-in dog house.

Second, y'all are so cute it makes me sick.

Sue's Ramblings said...

If only they had the best costume award!!!! You guys would have won it hands down!

T-Rex Runner said...

This goes down in history as my favorite race report of all time. Also the best costumes I've ever seen in a race or in life in general. For the record, I always pretended to be Diamond when playing American Gladiators as a youth.

Tiffany said...

Can I borrow those costumes for my next race - fabulous as always!

fancy nancy said...

My friends and I were just talking about that race!! Awesome costumes!!!

The Real Deal said...

Way to have fun and stuff. I don't think I can post a picture here, but if you can view my Facebook photo via this link, when I ran BB in 2010, there was a Predator in my wave!:

Best Orthopedic Surgeons in Los Angeles said...

As an orthopedic surgeon I will advise you to take care of your knee. The small fracture can cause you a big trouble.