Wednesday, June 10, 2015

15 weeks

As I sit here on my couch, drinking a beer and presumably only getting fatter, I haven't ran in 15 weeks. This is the longest I have gone without running in nearly 10 years. No running in 15 weeks.... 105 days..... 151,200 minutes....  All I need is a overly harmonized gritty Broadway musical to remind me of how long that is..... WAIT A MINUTE!!!

No, those are NOT tears. My eyes are sweating. IT IS HOT IN ARIZONA, OKAY

There are a lot of emotions that have been running through my head as the weeks have become months. I've watched most of my 2015 running goals slip though my fingers like sand through an hourglass. Frustration and sadness are the most common emotions. Frustration that whatever is wrong with my knee seemingly isn't healing and sadness that I'm not able to do what I love with those that I care the most about.

But, where there is frustration there is hope.  I had my 6 week PT checkup today during which I received mixed news. We've settled on a diagnosis of severe patellar tendinitis where my tendon hooks into my kneecap.  This is why I often see white spots of pain in my eyes when I try to kneel down and put pressure on the tendon and also why it is taking so long to heal. While I can see ever so slight improvements week over week, the road to recovery is long,  hard, and fraught with potholes and false summits. I'll continue to go to PT through the end of the month and then we will reassess.  And so, I wait.

Most surprising with not being able to run is how bummed out it has made me and how much I have  missed the running social scene.  I have made no secret that I am fairly addicted to running, but I had no idea how it had weaved itself into the fiber of my being. With the exception of this blog, I rarely talk about running in real life, yet most of my friends in real life are running friends. Running was a reason to get together to talk about everything BUT running. Without that common bond, I feel forced to interject myself into their running lives to hang out and share a beer or a cup of coffee. 

Throughout the tough times of the last few years, running and my son have been the two constants. What I initially thought was a blip on the radar has developed into a full fledged armada.  So, it should probably be no surprise how much not running has frustrated me.....but it is a surprise. Both in duration of downtime and intensity of feelings.

That said, overall I'm actually doing quite amazing.  I would be remiss if I didn't post something about how frustrated and sad I am about my running, but nearly every other aspect of my life has been outstanding. Laura and I are making the long distance work and finding a love we never knew could exist, my son is doing amazing and every day surprises me at how smart he is becoming, and in spite of the stupid stuff I do I still have all of my fingers and toes - something that shocks me each and every day. So, all in all, not a bad start to 2015.

Rule #1 of s'mores: don't burn any of your hair.
There is no rule #2


Carla Birnberg said...

ahhh I get this
I DONT EVEN LIKE CARDIO but when I couldnt do anything for months---I LOVED THE CARDIO and missed it.

sending you thoughts from Austin.

paullamb said...

I wish I could take your injury from you. It saddens me to see you sad, as devoted a runner as you are!

You'll get back to it. Look at me. I took a break of 54 years before I got to running.

Kate Geisen said...

No matter how much you think you know how important something is to you, you get a new understanding of it when you lose it. That lack of big progress has to be so frustrating. Hoping that things resolve before too much longer so you can get your running self back.

I'm glad to hear of the other happiness in your life, though. You deserve it! said...

I cannot even imagine how frustrated and hard it is for you. It isn't that running is the only activity we have but it does make up for so many other activities of getting to know people and hanging out. I was just discussing this and how much running (without actually running) plays into our lives.

T-Rex Runner said...

I know just exactly how you feel. I've had to take two major breaks from running since I started doing marathons - 8 months for a hip stress fracture and 6 months for my back. While I found that of course, I missed the actual activity of running, I think I almost more missed all the other things it added to my life, like the friends, social scene, and ability to eat all the pizza I wanted. It's hard when you feel like part of your identity has been taken from you. I was super grumpy last year and stopped reading running magazines, hid lots of other runners on facebook - the whole 9 yards. Do what you have to do to cope, there's no right or wrong way. I'm so happy that other areas of your life are going so well. I remember you talking to me about Laura when I was in Phoenix and the way you talked about her, I remember thinking "I wonder why they don't date?" I'm like an oracle.

Julie D said...

Hey, no shame in the no running game! Running will come in and out of life, and you have so much life outside of it! Hope you continue to heal and find other ways to get that energy out. =D

Christy said...

I thought this might be a pregnancy announcement. :P

Sorry to hear the recovery is so slow. I know when I'm out of the running scene I also pull out of social media because it's a little stab to my heart each time I see anything running related. Hopefully you'll stick around throughout your healing process.

And long distance can work. Been there, done that, now we're married. Good luck!

Pam @ said...

As much as it's sucked for me not running, I know it has sucked like a millionfold for you because ... well, because you're GOOD at it. Much love to you, brother.

Terrible Dad said...

I have been running now for 40 years. In that time I have had 4 back surgeries, neuroma surgeries to both feet, lateral meniscus surgery, and five years ago I was run over by a truck on a trial and had my knee and both sides of my ankle fractured. I have also had a pretty spectacular racing career, although I am now a pretty slow old man. I will make you an easy will solve it, you will run again, the weight will come off, your motivation will actually increase dramatically from being pissed off about this injury, and in some ways, it will increase your resolve to run until they put you in the ground and throw dirt on you. Enjoy that beautiful son and girlfriend you have, and suck a good beer for me! Tom

Ben said...

I've been following your blog now for a while and, despite the no running, it is still a great read. You and I are both looking forward to the day when you are back hitting the pavement. Good luck!

Al's CL Reviews said...

Sorry for not being able to run. It felt like agony when I couldn't from mid November to March. Almost as much as running a marathon did on a cracked pelvis.