No, those are NOT tears. My eyes are sweating. IT IS HOT IN ARIZONA, OKAY
There are a lot of emotions that have been running through my head as the weeks have become months. I've watched most of my 2015 running goals slip though my fingers like sand through an hourglass. Frustration and sadness are the most common emotions. Frustration that whatever is wrong with my knee seemingly isn't healing and sadness that I'm not able to do what I love with those that I care the most about.
But, where there is frustration there is hope. I had my 6 week PT checkup today during which I received mixed news. We've settled on a diagnosis of severe patellar tendinitis where my tendon hooks into my kneecap. This is why I often see white spots of pain in my eyes when I try to kneel down and put pressure on the tendon and also why it is taking so long to heal. While I can see ever so slight improvements week over week, the road to recovery is long, hard, and fraught with potholes and false summits. I'll continue to go to PT through the end of the month and then we will reassess. And so, I wait.
Most surprising with not being able to run is how bummed out it has made me and how much I have missed the running social scene. I have made no secret that I am fairly addicted to running, but I had no idea how it had weaved itself into the fiber of my being. With the exception of this blog, I rarely talk about running in real life, yet most of my friends in real life are running friends. Running was a reason to get together to talk about everything BUT running. Without that common bond, I feel forced to interject myself into their running lives to hang out and share a beer or a cup of coffee.
Throughout the tough times of the last few years, running and my son have been the two constants. What I initially thought was a blip on the radar has developed into a full fledged armada. So, it should probably be no surprise how much not running has frustrated me.....but it is a surprise. Both in duration of downtime and intensity of feelings.
That said, overall I'm actually doing quite amazing. I would be remiss if I didn't post something about how frustrated and sad I am about my running, but nearly every other aspect of my life has been outstanding. Laura and I are making the long distance work and finding a love we never knew could exist, my son is doing amazing and every day surprises me at how smart he is becoming, and in spite of the stupid stuff I do I still have all of my fingers and toes - something that shocks me each and every day. So, all in all, not a bad start to 2015.
Rule #1 of s'mores: don't burn any of your hair.
There is no rule #2