Thursday, January 22, 2015

3 Things Thurs: Getting Older, Palpitations, and Shrinkage

Cold weather makes me old
Getting older
I ain’t afraid of no ghost.  At 33 years old, I don’t mind aging. In fact, one of the best reasons for being a guy is that gray hair and laugh lines make you look MORE attractive.  God bless America.

Although, I have noticed that my friends in their mid to late 40s seem essentially “my age”, my metabolism has certainly slowed down, and I’m sore in all sorts of fun places each morning. But, that said, I’m not sure what to think about a new radio station that I found that plays music from my youth being called “classic rock”. Of course, to add insult to injury, it is WAY down on the dial as if it to say “look old guy, we know that you don’t want your music too far away from the NPR station on 88.1. So, here you go”. I swear to god if they start running Depends adult diaper commercials….

Heart Palpitations….again
For me, social media is a hierarchy of how much I share. Twitter: Most bodily functions and inner workings of my brain. Blog: Normal musings and life antidotes. Facebook: Internet cat memes, 24 mac and cheese recipes before you die, and pics of my son for my mom. So, while this already cleared the twitter test (Bodily functions), I hadn’t decided if I was going to post it on my blog for fear of freaking out my mom. So anyway, Tuesday morning I had another round of heart palpitations.

For everyone that can’t run the google machine, heart palpitations are when electrical signals in your heart fire incorrectly and your heart flutters. Mine will normally jump to around 230ish beats/min, I’ll get a bit dizzy, have chest pains, and generally just feel like I’m going to pass out. They’re lovely. I battled with these in 2011-2012 during which I had a full EKG workup, wore a monitor for a month, and essentially came out of it with the diagnosis of being healthier than god damn Secretariat.

This last time was ‘minor’ in that they went away after a few minutes, but I never did feel quite ‘right’ for the rest of the run (which I did finish, because I’m an idiot). Caffeine and dehydration triggers them and I guess I’ll just monitor those and go back in if they happen again.

So, you’re telling me we’re all supposed to be surprised when a football gets cold and wet it loses a little volume?I mean, who hasn’t dealt with a little ‘deflation’ now and again?  Isn’t there an entire “sitting in bathtub on the side of a cliff” industry dedicated to fix this?  Look Patriots, believe me, I know. Maybe you were just really tired and weren’t feeling it. Maybe you even had too much to drink and couldn’t focus.  Just do what we’ve all done and pump a little air into it and power through. You can do it.


Pahla Bowers said...

Obviously I hope the palpitations were just a minor glitch and you don't hear from them again.
I had to laugh about your social media hierarchy! I do the same thing - my mom isn't on Instagram or Twitter, so that's where I put it all out there, but she reads my blog and Likes every single thing I do on Facebook, so I censor myself a lot more.

Jamoosh said...

Palpitations aside, I hate to see what happens when you hit 40. Can you say Blue Plate Special!

Elaine said...

33? Still just a baby! Wait till you hit the big 5-0. 😝
Still, it beats the alternative any day. I am constantly reminding myself I am lucky to get to have the issues that come with age.

Jamie said...

I thought 30's are the new 20's! What the heck am I supposed to look forward to??? You can't be getting old yet! No way. Don't believe it. :)

Pam @ said...

Take care of that ticker!!! I had palpitations several years ago when I was going through a divorce and shit. One word: Xanax.

I think it's cute how some people censor themselves for their parents' sake. haha Mine probably wish I would too. They've always told me when I was growing up they didn't worry about me hiding anything from them because I told them more than they wanted to know.