Friday, May 31, 2013

Funny Foto Friday: Keep off the rocks! Also, Sea-Pandas!

This week's funny foto friday IS pictures of my son.  It's a two 'fer one!!  Or wait - would that be a one 'fer two?  I never was good at math....

Anyway, the front of my complex has a bit of landscaping that my son LOVES to play near. It has a fountain, bushes to touch, rocks to put in our mouths, really it has everything. Who needs a playground when you have....rocks!  Of course, being the helicopter parent good dad that I am, I always have a camera in hand - lest he does something that I can use as blackmail later in life. "Oh, you missed curfew again? Let me just text this picture of you peeing into the fountain to all of your friends...."

Well, the other day as I was surfing facebook on my phone while he threw rocks into the fountain we were staring into the water's magical wonder, I realized a new edition to the landscaping.  See if you can see it:

 Look dada! A shower!

Let me kill time on a Friday afternoon at work use my impressive Photoshop skillz to zoom in a bit to show you:

Rut Roww, that wasn't there before

As I look at my son breaking the rules of the sign, a few thoughts immediately run through my head:

  • Who cares!? He can't read! 
  • Take a picture
  • Tell him that we had better get out of the rocks because the sign says so
  • Stop giggling at the irony


So, I DO eventually tell him that the sign says we can't play in the rocks.  With that my son took action that was as swift as it was brilliant: He tried to pull up the freaking sign and throw it away!!!  Of course, to my credit, I DID get a picture.  Ah memories.  Happy Friday!

I fix the sign dada!


Bonus!  Old high school buddy posted this on Facebook and had to share!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Thrice Things Thurs: Missoula, NYC, and blisters?

Well, my marathons for the rest of the year are set!  In July I’ll be running the Missoula marathon and in November I’ll be running the NYC marathon!  Hooray!!

The Missoula marathon will be a training run and a chance to hook up with friend/elite runner Trisha Drobeck.  Everyone I have spoken with says that it is a beautiful race and a gorgeous drive.  I'm REALLY looking forward to the time away.

Oh, but the NYC Marathon... That was a BIT harder to get in to.  As a below 40 male, I’d either have to run a 2:45 full marathon or a 1:19 half marathon to have guaranteed entry.  So, since I’m a BIT a ways off from each, I had to rely on the lottery.  Well, I must have had some sort of luck because in spite of fewer spots available because of the race being canceled last year I got in!  I’m going to try to go after this one and run fast – even though most have described it as not being a PR course.  The bridges that you go over are a bit hard on the legs.

Honestly, I'd LOVE to sneak another marathon in there at some point, but NYC already has $255 of my hard earned dollars, I'm not sure that I have much more in my penny jar!

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My run today was pretty rough - 8 miles in a decent pace, but I've been battling some hamstring tightness that just doesn't seem to go away.  It'll crop up around mile 2, hurt like crazy through  mile 4 or so, and then go away.  Frustrating.  To top it off, towards the end of my run I NEARLY had to phone a friend because all of a sudden I started to feel a bit loosey in my goosey colon-wise.  (If you catch my drift)

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Finally, thanks for everyone’s sympathy on my stupid sunburn.  I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it sinceit was my own doing.  I was joking with a friend that bitching about sunburn is sort of like complaining about a hangover.  It isn’t like you don’t know HOW it happened and it was 100% preventable.  Oh well, live and learn.

Speaking of learning, I found out that if you burn bad enough, wait a few days, and go for a tough run on the treadmill.... your sweat will get trapped between living and dead layers of skin in dozens of GROSS sweat blisters. It was sort of like my body storing water for winter like a chipmunk stores nuts.  The crappy thing, though?  Scrubbing them all so they pop so they don't get infected.  Weeee doggies....  THAT is punishment enough for the idiocy of forgetting sunscreen!

Not beads of sweat, below the skin BUBBLES of sweat

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Celebrate the good, celebrate the bad

Social media is interesting.  It is JUST impersonal enough that it allows you to only project the type of image you are comfortable with sharing. Girls profile pics are at that perfect angle and guys profile pics are flexed everywhere.

Take me for example.  While the person you know via blog/twitter is mostly me, I think that it is safe to say that I’m not hilarious 100% of the time.  (See what I did there? I totally just lied and told you what you what I wanted you to think – I’m actually totally funny at least 105% of the time.  Also? I’m modest.)

This profile picture seems legit


Opps..  Well then.... Hmmm....


In my running circle of social media, I’ve found that maybe 80% of the time, people are talking about their GOOD runs / workouts.  Not many people are okay with talking about how they just couldn’t hold on to that last mile of tempo and had to take a walk break or that while they ACTUALLY ran 5 miles at 11:00/mile, they wanted to run 7 miles at 9:00/mile.  Now, not to be a douche in a glass house throwing jagerbombs (is that the saying?), I’m certainly one to gloss over SOME of the disaster runs. But overall I do try to give equal space to both the good and the bad.  Well, to that point, what you are going to hear is certainly just as bad as posting a profile pic with a dildo on the dresser.....maybe.

This weekend, I wanted to go for a 2 hour, 16 mile run.  (7:30/mile pace)  I had a bit of a scheduling issue that meant that I wasn’t able to get it in until mid morning on Sunday***.  No big deal. It would be warmer at the start***, sure (75F degrees instead of 60), certainly warmer at the finish*** (88F instead of 70 or so), and it will be sunnier, but that isn’t any big deal.  I live in Arizona!  We live for this stuff!  Never mind that I normally run in the pitch black.  I AM A BAD ASS!

***That's what she said

Yeah, ouch (no filter?)


So, I forgot sunscreen.  That sucked. Not only did I forget sunscreen, but I bonked so hard during the last 4 miles that I dropped nearly 90 seconds / mile on my pace and took two 5 min breaks in the shade to reassess my will to live get the gumption back up to keep running.  Running out of the 40oz of water that I brought didn’t help.  The blazing sun didn’t help.  It was a pretty miserable run all the way around.  So, what SHOULD have taken 2:00, took 2:06 on my watch but also included 10 min of “me time”. And not the red "toy" on the dresser me time.  Not good.

So yes, I realize that my lobster body is now teeming with cancer and I’m basically just biding my time before the tumors take over. More than that?  It itches.  Oh god does it itch.

So, the next time you have a bad run - let me know!  I'd be more than happy to swap horror stories.... or maybe have you help put some lotion on my back.  Either way, we might just get a good idea of the "real" you.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Funny Foto Friday: Even babies need entertainment while they poo

Technology is funny.  The more advanced it becomes, the more it seems to creep into the various voids of our lives that we never knew were there.  Case in point: going poop.  In the past, while 'doing the deed' most people were content with pondering the meaning of life or at the very least reading the back of a Lysol can.  Maybe pondering why cartoon bears are the advertising medium of choice for toilet paper. But not now!

No sooner does my butt hit the (hopefully very cold and NOT warm from someone else) toilet seat, than my phone comes out.  It is amazing. I'm doing emails, tweeting, keeping up with life.... it is really multi-tasking at it's finest.

But, I think that CTA has taken it a BIT too far with their "2 in 1 iPotty".  Apparently, children have attention deficit enough that they can't be bothered to focus on peeing or pooping for thirty 2 minutes... they need to be entertained!! I assume that this kid is killing some pigs with Angry Birds or possibly just typing an email to his eTrade broker.  REALLY?  We need this device in our lives?



Finally, it has been a pretty exhausting week around the 'Boring household.  It seems that my exhaustion has spread to my son.  Either that, or he was NOT impressed with watching Pawn Stars with me last night.  He seriously sat like this for 10 minutes.  If you know my son, this would be like getting a humming bird to stop it's wings mid flight. Maybe he is still bored from when I forced him to poop without the iPad?  Happy Friday!

Seriously dad? They're buying ANOTHER antique Mickey phone?

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Three Things Thursday: Lost in my own city

The Boulders in Carefree

This is home, but where am I?
The first half of the week I was in some workshops for work. Not only was I attending – but I lead one of the 3 days. They were in a pretty swanky resort hotel on the complete opposite side of town.  During rush hour it would have taken me well over an hour to get there.  Annoying.  Fortunately, I was able to stay at the resort.  That is, I used 3 towels to shower, wore a shower cap, and lounged around in a fuzzy robe.  (Totally kidding, if I wore one of those robes, I’d probably either get pregnant or herpies or both.)

The downside was that I really don’t know my way around that part of town. So, since I wanted to do a 7 or 8 mile run, I just asked the front desk where a good spot was to go.  “blah blah, run around the mountain, blah, about 8 or so miles”.  GREAT! I thought! So, I set out with some water and the thought of around an hour of running.  It.was.an.ELEVEN.mile.loop.  BLARG.  It wasn’t even the distance that was annoying, it was the fact that I was 30 minutes late to the very first day.  Oops.

The frustrating part was that it was a big loop, and I could tell at 5 miles that there was no way that I was half way done.  It was honestly a good run at around 7:20 pace – a lot of that uphill too!



Swing low, sweet chariots
Because I packed in such a hurry, I forgot one of the most important things that you can forget while traveling: underwear.  I guess there isn’t a huge story here, just that I have to go burn some clothes now.


OLD
Seriously, when did I get old?? Well first, let me back up....

The best thing about shuttle service to my room is that I didn’t have to feel bad about drinking enough for 4 people a little too much. I certainly wasn’t college frat boy drunk (read: no groping myself streaking) but I had my fair share of wine.  I didn’t think anything of it until I got up the next morning and thought that my head weighed about 19 pounds.  What happened!? I’m normally used to my little humming bird metabolism burning away any left over booze, but it seems like it is failing me.  I guess I’m going to have to either keep running to keep it high or not drink so much bwhahahaahaha.  Sorry, that last one is just so funny.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Funny Foto Friday: Runners and Toliet Paper


Sometimes even the most fun things can be horrible.  For example, take eating candy.  9 times out of 10, eating candy is ah-ma-zing.  It is sugary, fruity or chocolaty, essentially it is a party in your mouth and everyone is invited.  But every so often, you’re munching away on some gobstoppers, someone tells a funny joke and in the midst of swallowing and laughing one of them gets lodged in your throat.  Before you know it you’re trying to do the heimlich maneuver on yourself on the edge of a chair.

Today my run was like choking on a gobstopper.  Or maybe chipping a tooth while trying to eat a tootsie pop after only licking it one time.  Not that I have ever done either of those....

I had 10 easy miles on the schedule.  I got 2 miles in and knew that I had to turn back.  I had shin pain, hamstring tightness, I was a hot mess.  The 2 miles back were a run walk fiasco that I haven’t had in quite some time. But, I know that the next time the gobstopper will be delicious and won’t threaten my life....and tomorrow is another day.

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Runners have an interesting relationship with poo.  Or, I guess at least some runners do.  OK, FINE. I DO.  Anyway, to celebrate two of my favorite things running,  here are a few fun Funny Foto Fridays!



I'm totally a "road" guy based on this.  Although, I have been known to bandit

Runners world has lots of these fun daily pictures.  I'd probably subscribe if the magazine was just these for 70 pages.


Seriously, my body feels OLD



Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Try it Tues: Bud Light: Lime-A-Rita


I’m a pretty normal guy.  I certainly can manscape and accessorize appreciate nice things, but I’m not driving a Ferrari.  I am very tight assed frugal, but I am not holding my pants up with a string. As such, I generally find what works and don’t change a lot day to day. I workout at the same times, I eat the same foods, and yes – I even drink the same drinks.  Everything else is just noise that gets in the way of me drinking the same drinks.

Every so often though, I'll get a bug in my britches and will decide that it is time to branch out and try something new. So far I've tried mangos (pain in the ass) and sweet potatoes (you can make them french fries!!!) but this last week... I tried something that I never thought that I would try: Bud Light Lime-A-Rita.

Lime-A-Rita: A Margarita with a Twist
I think the "twist" is you throwing your back out trying to catch hold of your dignity


We've all seen the commercials on TV.  The late 20s early 30s attractive men and women sitting on the back of a truck or on a beach playing volleyball sipping a nice cold Lime-A-Rita.  They look happy.  They're certainly sexy. High fives all around!!  Obviously their drink has to have SOMETHING to do with their rippling abs and Jennifer Aniston layered hair, right?! So, I splurged at my ghetto Wal-Mart and bought a 24oz "Rita".  Read: I grabbed a can while no one looking and tried to hide it under some salad and diapers like a 16 year old tries to hide condoms.

If a tall boy can of 8% "Rita" doesn't make me cute, I don't know what will
They put it on the side like a badge of honor: "Drink me! MoFo will mess you up!!"

First things first.. Shit was in a BIG can.  I don't know who is pounding 24oz of Bud margarita in one sitting, but whoever they are, they're certainly wearing a tank top with holes in the arm pits or are on their prom night and their mom just "doesn't understand".

Why yes ladies, it really IS that big

Second, I really REALLY hate to say this, like, hate it more than Duck Dynasty hates shaving, but it honestly wasn't that bad.  It tasted like a mix between a Mike's hard lemonade and a margarita - but with more fizz. It tasted nothing like Bud Light.....which honestly makes me think that they really shouldn't put the Bud name on there.  Nothing says "Hey, you should drink this because your dad drinks this" like Bud Light.

Trying my best to class up the 'Rita - pinky first

Truth be told though, I don't have anything against Bud. With the increase of micro-breweries, they're an easy target to represent "the man". In fact, I have Bud Light in my fridge right now, but I also have 4 or so different kinds of micro brew beer too.  Oh, also I have some left over Lime-A-Rita.

Ok seriously, I think THIS is how a Bud Light is supposed to be drank
Just relax your throat
(self shot photo for the win!)

Overall, I think Bud has their work cut out for them.  When I think of margaritas, I think of tequila with worms in the bottom and pictures of dudes in sombreros on the side.  I don't think of St Louis based Bud. But, who knows... It doesn't taste bad and that is the really important thing.  But, other than the 24oz cans, all I could find it was in a 12 pack.  That is a LOT of syrupy beer/rita....and at 8% alcohol, only bad things can happen from that much 'Rita.

A picture is worth 1,000 words
Mostly those words are synonyms of shame and regret


Saturday, May 11, 2013

Funny Foto Friday: Look like an accident

It is never a good sign when I have to actually go to my blog to see what the last post was about.  Opps - it was a full week ago. Suffice it to say that I have been eyeballs deep with work.  I have been running, but not as much as I would like. Blarg. But, I did get in a good 10 miler and plan on a tempo run this evening.  All in all I'll get in 40 miles this week. Not the 70 that I'd like to be running, but good enough.


Today's funny foto friday is one that I saved off quite some time ago..... and always something that I would LOVE to do. :)  Happy Friday!



Bonus!!  We all have those friends.  Odds are, a few of the people who are reading this post do this.  They are the people who are melodramatic about EVERYTHING.  They post vague and somewhat depressing things on social media asking people to ask them what is wrong.  Well, this is what happens when you have smart assed friends on facebook.



Bonus Bonus! Rock and roll Nashville (Country music marathon) was a few weeks ago and was a bit of a disaster - it POURED rain the entire time. Well, one unfortunate fellow slept through FOUR alarms and ended up at the race 90 min late.... and was interviewed by the local news! Fortunately he was able to eventually start and ran a 3:40. Not bad!

Friday, May 3, 2013

Funny Foto Friday: Vegan? Really? You sure?

I don't have any tattoos. It isn't because I have some sort of moral objection to them. If you want to get winnie the pooh tattooed on the small of your back, that is your own business.

Play on player


The truth is that I haven't seen anything that I could commit to for longer than a few hours. Bubble gum temporary tattoos? Yes. All day long.  Nothing says "I'm a bad ass" like slapping the Chinese symbol for "water" on your face.  (If I got a tattoo - on my face for sure)

Temporary tattoos - expert mode

Honestly, if I did find something that I liked well enough or that I felt so resonated with "me" I'd get it on me for sure. I'm the only member of my family that doesn't have any ink (see how trendy I sound?) so I could see myself getting something running related at some point. Maybe I'll get the Olympic rings when I finally crack through to the next level?


The REAL issue is that no matter what I get, it will eventually look like a huge douche.  Like, for example, being a die hard Vegan so getting some Vegan ink....and then diving face first into a hot dog.  Mmmmmm, vegan.

If this dude is also an Orthodox Jew, he is in REAL trouble


Bonus pic because it is hilarious. I don't even care if it is probably photoshop.


Last weekend, I decided to take my son on the Phoenix light rail and go to the children's museum.  He loves trains and he loves running around w/ bright colored things - so this trip was supposed to be the perfect match between the two.  Well, one thing lead to another and by the time I got on the train and mostly to the museum, it was time to come back.  FAIL.  Turns out, public transportation is smelly slow.

Well, to make up for it, I decided to take him to a park and let him blow off some "sitting down while the train is moving" steam.  So, we get off, I herd him to the park.... only to find out that it was closed for a salsa (the food) competition. Entry fee: $15.  I seriously can't make that up. Morning ruined because of salsa.  So, instead of the museum, our "fun" that morning was just a walk around downtown Tempe, AZ.  Dad fail.  Anyway, hopefully this weekend will be better!  Happy Friday!

Apple sauce to go for the win!


 Checking out the lake in what seem to be 2 year old sized holes in the bridge

Maxing and relaxing on the choo-choo



Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Mango troubles and pretending to be a foodie


This  morning I ran 6 pain free miles.  It is always funny to me how quickly I forget how amazing pain free miles can be!  My strategy of rolling my legs before and after the run is continuing to keep my shin splints calm so I decided to ratchet up the speed slightly and run a bit of progression. I started at my long run pace of 7:30 and ran about 10 seconds faster each mile until I was down to 6:40.  Overall I ran 6 miles in 43 minutes.  Not bad for a quick run after only 5 hours of sleep the night before.  I’ll take those kinds of runs all day long!

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At my job, we have a tradition that we go out for a nice dinner at the end of each project.  Well, I somewhat hinted in my last post that the end of my current project is near (sort of, long story).  That usually means work sponsored fancy food. I’m not a foodie by any stretch, but I can appreciate nice things.  To that end, last night was so fancy I think that I might have accidentally bought a monocle.

We ate at Kai, the only AAA 5 star restaurant in Arizona.  So, that’s a big deal I guess.  We had a 12 course tasting menu with lots of golf ball sized plates and enough wine parings to make my eyeballs float.  The only downside?  It took FOUR hours.  I was eating for FOUR hours.  But, it was fun and as a friend / colleague pointed out, probably a once in a lifetime experience.  I have pictures of 11 of the 12 courses, and I normally wouldn't post them, but here are a few of the highlights:

Hand painted watercolor and mesquite wood menus

Blue cheese, cherry, candied walnut w/ honey & honeycomb, dates, and some sort of hard cheese

Yeah, lots going on here. Suffice it to say that it was GOOD. There were nuts of some sort on the bottom, the foam on the side is lemon grass, uhhh, there were beets.... uhhhh.... it was pretty good

Pan seared foie gras w/ raisins and crushed pistachio




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This weekend in an effort to eat healthier, I bought a mango.  Well, two mangos. In my messed up world, that is what “being healthy” means.  Not running marathons.... Oh no, it is buying some random fruit in WalMart.  While it is the most popular fruit in the world (did you feel that knowledge bomb hit you in the face?) the only time I would eat a mango would be in salsa or daiquiri form.  So anyway, being the foodie that I obviously am, I have NEVER ate a raw mango.  In fact, at one point during the day today, I googled “how to eat a mango”.  

Damn you mango. I see you there mocking me like a green and red potato


Look, I grew up in the Midwest. I know what a mango is like I know what pair of Jimmy Choos I look best in (just kidding! I totally know – slingback platforms).  So, the fact that I didn’t know exactly how to eat one shouldn’t be a complete surprise.  That said, turns out....eating a mango is kind of a pain in the ass.  There is a huge seed, stringy stuff, they’re juicy – essentially the internet told me that I needed a bib and a drop cloth or I should not be eating this thing at work. Fortunately, I got a few tips from some experts at work that I am going to try....eventually.  So, what was a foodie like me to do?  I ate a fudge dipped granola bar.  Being healthy never tasted so good.