Thursday, December 5, 2013

Midweek mashup: Shopping, Running, and naked legs?

I was going to do a wordless Wednesday post but since 1) it is no longer Wednesday and 2) I'm pretty sure god himself could offer to pace me in a marathon and I still wouldn't be wordless, we're going to call this a bullet point post.  Deal? I'll bet god could totally run a sub 3 marathon... plus, short cuts over lakes and rivers with the whole walking on water thing would help shave extra time...I wonder how fast Moses could run...

Running has been going great - if not slightly less volume than I would like.  Last week I did 33 miles (mostly because of Thanksgiving) and this week I'm shooting for 42-44.  Since my body is coursing with testosterone feeling every 32 years I've been on this earth, I'm trying to take it a bit easy. I hope to be pushing 60mi by mid Jan when I run Rock and Roll Arizona.

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My son's birthday is in early December, so for the last 3 years I've always done most of his shopping during the day after thanksgiving craziness. Nothing says peace, love, and joy like two women in their jammies fighting over the last "totally hetero" Bert and Ernie dolls. Sure Sesame Street, we believe you, totally hetero....

I don't mind the crowds and you honestly can get quite a few deals.  This was the first year that my son came with (along with my mom) so we tried to make the best out of the situation by having a little fun along the way:

RAWR (we were growling like Wolverine, obvs)

In spite of my excellent shopping skills, I had a TOTAL dad fail. One of the gifts I gave him required batteries. AAA batteries. Oh, I had AA batteries, D batteries, I even had some of those stupid flat batteries that look like a nickel and cost more than a bottle of wine.... but no AAA. (Why the hell are there 12 kinds of batteries? Couldn't 4 AAA batteries be replaced by one D??)  After a 10min hunt around my place to see if I could McGyver together a potato battery steal some from something else, I knew I had to go get some.  (In case I didn't know, my son told me approx 1000000 times)

Nothing says "yes, I'm a horrible dad" like heading to walmart in a Boston Marathon tshirt and Homer Simpson pants. Look for me on the http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/ website.

Still the best dressed person at Walmart

I got the Christmas tree up (bought day after Thanksgiving) but it smells like oil / petroleum. No word on the lead count in the leaves.  I'll let you know if I sprout another nipple (and will post pics).

The tree is pre-lit and has music built in that you can turn on and off. Unfortunately, my son learned how to turn on the music and I'm pretty sure if I hear one more musack rendition of "I saw mommy kissing santa clause" I'm going to fa-lalalalala shoot myself in the face.

This year's Christmas tree brought to you by the Exxon Valdez

I went running with my son along the canals in Phoenix the other day.  I found out that not only can he run a 12:00/mile pace for around a tenth of a mile, but he also has the keen ability to spot poop from 50 yards. Future president of the United States people. PRESIDENT.





Finally, like I said before, my running really is coming along well.  Although, the other day, I was in the shower and noticed what I thought was a bit of dirt on the back of my leg.  Well, I scrubbed and scrubbed and almost fell over....only to find out that it was a BRUISE and not dirt at all!  I have no idea where I got this bruise and I don't bruise at all so I had to have hit myself pretty hard?  Either way, I assume that it was just the evil trying to get out, so hopefully it goes away soon.

To answer your obvious questions:
  • No, I did not have pants on
  • Yes, that is a stupid tanline from my knee support / straps
  • Yes, I cropped this picture a LITTLE bit because I didn't have pants on and I wanted to keep it PG
  • Yes, taking a picture of the back of your body is really hard
  • Seriously, did anyone borrow my legs a few days back, bruise it, and not tell me?  
Maybe it was a hickey? Are those still a thing?


6 comments:

Lorenda said...

Poop, every kid's favorite word!! That was so funny!

Sue's Ramblings said...

I had a patch of bruising last weekend when the Chinese physician massaged the calves a tiny bit too hard. Lucky I was back at his place the next day and he took care of it...ie continue massaging and rubbing the area. Yeah sounds counterintuitive but guess what?!?! It worked! Bruise was gone in 2 hours!

Kate Geisen said...

Conversation with my 10 year old this morning:

Jacob: "Poop divided by poop is poor."

Me: "No, poop divided by poor would be one."

Jacob: (thinks for a moment) "...oh...yeah."

Jamoosh said...

God would be disqualified...

David Duitsman said...

Haha. Mystery bumps, bruises, and pain are always fun to figure out. "Elementary my dear Watson,elementary".

Michaela said...

No comment on hickeys.