Friday, July 26, 2013

Funny Foto Friday: My first trip to the gym in a year

I'm not a "gym guy".  be it good or bad I rarely work on my "lats".  I don't like to "feel the pump". Hell, I probably only flex in the mirror before / after my shower for 10 min - AT MOST.

So, I don’t have a gym membership.  I haven’t for a while.  But, yesterday I hadn’t ran for 2 days because of scheduling issues and I was going bonkers. I wasn’t able to in the morning and I had a late work dinner. Solution? Run between work and the dinner!!  The issue? I sweat.  A LOT.  I would need to shower before dinner and home was 20 miles one way. NEW SOLUTION: buy a day pass at a gym and run/shower there.

I soon found a gym that was between here and there, brought workout clothes with to work and was set.

Day passes for gyms are not cheap.  I ran 8 miles and it cost $15. Mile for mile, that is nearly the cost of a cheap marathon.  But, I was desperate like a sailor on shore leave so I ponied up the money (also like a sailor on shore leave) and got to sweating (like a sailor on... you know what, you get the idea).  What follows is a comedy of errors that shows how little of a gym guy I really am:

First error: No lock for the locker.  Not a HUGE deal, I just had to make 3 trips back and forth from the car to hide stuff in the trunk.  No harm, no foul.

Second error: Sweat. Since it is so miserable in Phoenix, I sweat... a LOT...  Well, by the first mile or two I was fine, but by mile 5 I was a hot mess.  Sweat was flying, I was panting like a dog in heat, and worst of all I couldn’t drink a ton, because....

Third error: I forgot a squeezable water bottle. I was able to buy a $3 bottle of poweraid from the gym, (total cost thus far: $18) but I didn’t trust myself to drink on the run and get sweat AND poweraid on others.  So, I had to hop off to chug.

Fourth error: No towel.  About mile 5, I realized..... “Wait, no one has any towels here”. The one and only reason I’m at the gym is to shower.  THIS IS A PROBLEM. The next 3 miles has my mind racing to figure out how I am going to shower.  Paper towels... Air dry... Try with workout clothes??  Eventually I finished (8 miles in 56 min – giggity) and begged the front desk if they had anything.  As I stood there dripping, they said that they sold towels for $4. Hand towels. (total cost: $22)

So, that is the story about how I got my 8 miles done in spite of the world and like 15 guys saw me stark ass naked as I walked to/from the shower.  Because, i'm not about to cover my bits with a freaking handtowel like I'm Adam and Eve.  I have to admit though, somewhere between puberty and 32 years old I stopped caring about nudity. So, I guess now I’m one of those old guys who brushes his teeth naked at the sink in the gym. Wiggle wiggle.

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So, after my gym adventures, I finally got to the work event where I got to see a really good friend again who recently switched to another project.  We had Moscow Mules. They were delicious.

Moscow Mules come in copper mugs because Moscow Mules. (????)


Mmmm, tastes like delicious (no, I don't drink out of a straw)

OK FINE.  Enough gym time with Adam.  Here is your funny friday picture(s).

Seriously, this looks amazing AND like an ER trip waiting to happen. WIN/WIN

This makes me laugh so hard... But only because I wished I hadn't done it


Finally, something very strange happened the other day when I was shopping for groceries with my son. An elderly lady on a mobility scooter saw my son and exclaimed, "OHHHHHH SUCH A PRETTY BOY!!! I want to give him a dollar to buy chocolate".  Of course, I was thinking damn right, lady... he is made from ME afterall!? said "no no no, thank you very much, but it's okay". But, she insisted and, because I'm a bastard parent, I didn't let him get chocolate but let him keep the dollar.  I think this means he is a paid model now?  Happy Friday!

"So, do I color on this paper or what?"




17 comments:

Pat said...

Gilbert, Tempe and Chandler have rec centers and the passes are about $4 for the day. Chandler has locks on all there lockers. Gilbert and Chandler have indoor tracks, but there better for walkers and us slow joggers. But, you still have to bring your own towels.

Kate Geisen said...

I often think that our gym membership is basically a few REALLY expensive treadmill runs. But then every once in a while I get a wild hair and do a month's worth of strength training before lapsing again. For me the worst part is not being able to spit when I run.

Carly said...

You are hilarious!

Hannah said...

To respond to what Kate said a little bit, it's the lack of being able to blow snot out of my nose that makes running on the treadmill harder. One time I was about to go for it before I had a moment of, OMG I'M INSIDE ON A TREADMILL NOT OUTSIDE. And like a proper lady, I just wiped my nose on my shirt instead.

Jayne said...

There is a guy who blows snot rockets during spin class. Glad you at least had the decency not to do that - right?

Flaming June said...

Kate Geisen: I think I love you!!

Emily H said...

Sign up for one of those 24 hour gyms that have chains all over. Pretty cheap and gets you access all over.

Sue's Ramblings said...

Thank goodness my gym provides towels! Though there was one day they ran out and their laundry guy wasn't able to get there before I finished. Made do with a hand towel I had in my gym bag...I know how you feel!!!

Jamoosh said...

Man, it's lucky I didn't live in a house with stairs as a kid!

Heather Balogh said...

Not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed or what....but we sled down my friends' stairs on a semi-regular basis :) Typically happens when they have people over and there is alcohol and a few children, because at least then we have an excuse. Hey, at least we make the kiddos wear helmets, right?

Crystal said...

You sure do paint a picture...*wiggle wiggle* (face palm, I just had a mental image)

Jonathan said...

Man! Very similar experience.. Skip all the stuff at the top and scroll down to last part:

http://www.trailjourney.com/2013/05/ymca-shower-panic.html?m=1

Missy said...

HAha! Gyms *smh

Brian said...

I loathe treadmills. Especially my $250 Boscov's one that hurts my ankles. But even on a nice gym treadmill, the boredom is crushing.

I have Y membership that includes access at two facilities, one of which has an indoor track. Two Saturdays ago it was 85 degrees at 8am (I know the Phoenix people are like "Only 85? You wimp!" I know. I know. but it was really, really humid), so I opted for the indoor track. It took 32 laps to do the 2 miles I was there for. It was not any less boring than the treadmill!

AlleyCat said...

Very entertaining!! you almost described me on the treadmill.........sweat fest, unable to co-ordinate drinking & running!

Michaela said...

Was this 24 Hour Fitness? Man, I can tell you stories about that gym.

Nicole said...

Copper blues?? I love the moscow mules there, and my sister works there... so purely a guess... I suppose moscow mules may be at many bars in Phoenix :)