As the mom you're responsible for all of the hugs and kisses and band aid applications. (See how I left out all of the hot button items like dishes and laundry?) As a dad, I'm mostly responsible for fixing broken toys, farting, and wearing pants as little as possible. I'm sad to report that I am failing in the farting category but killing it in the lack-of-pants one.
Weekend before last, my son and I found ourselves alone for a full 5 days. I lack any sort of support structure in Phoenix, so we were basically on our own to fend for ourselves. No mom. No grandparents. No babysitters. (Cue the mental image of me passed out on the couch clutching a bottle of wine and my son opening a can of frosting for breakfast with a butcher knife.) So, I took a few days off of work, stocked the DVR on Mickey Mouse, and settled in for some quality arm pit fart noise training that would take him places I only wished I could go. I was a stay at home dad.
First up? A sit down mid week breakfast. I've always wondered as I ran on a Thursday who the people were eating breakfast at a sit down place on a work day. Why are they not grabbing a pop tart while gulping 6 or 7 vitamins claiming to be "healthy" trying to rush off to work like the rest of us?? I know this isn't a "normal" stay at home activity, but I figured I'd start everything off right.
Coloring and pancakes? Check. Dad of the year? Check.
I hate you facebook and your delicious advertisments. Worked like a champ
One thing I learned very quickly is that activities = tired son = long nap time = happy dad. I'd like to say that I pretty much nailed this part of being a stay at home dad. Favorites were swimming, playing at the park, generalized rough housing, and coloring. I suppose if wearing him out with activities didn't work, the backup plan was to "wear me out" with wine.
Cranky..... Sleepy... Possibly drunk? Mission Accomplished
(Falling asleep at the table at 11am!)
Post Chick-Fil-A play-place play date with Jeff snooze
Of course, not everything was playdates and nap time with Mr Mom. This is when I realized that the things that stay at home parents do are really remarkable. My son got into his fair share of trouble - including a particularly full tube of diaper rash cream. After a quick reference on the poison control website, I realized that he would PROBABLY be fine and that explosive diarrhea was as bad as it would get. Awesome.
This is what naughty looks like
As the days went on, I started to find a pretty good groove. Essentially, my days revolved around
You'll note that I am settling into my stay at home dad hair quite nicely
Around day 4, I found myself getting quite crafty. Well, lets be honest, lazy is the mother of all invention. My son is too short to climb up on the toliet. Plus, with my luck he is almost certain to either fall in head first or somehow lick it. (HOW does he always manage to lick everything??) So, I decided to move his sink stairs to in front of the toliet!
Sadly, he wasn't good at turning around when at the top of the stairs with his pants around his ankles so my invention didn't work :(
Ultimately, we got through the weekend without killing each other (although, we both had our moments) so I decided to close off our time alone with a run to feed the duckies. As luck would have it, not only did we get to feed the duckies, but we also got to see construction equipment. Believe me, if somehow we could combine ducks and construction equipment, I think my son's head might explode. Although, now that I think about it. I guess my head might explode too.....
COME HERE DUCKS!!