Monday, June 10, 2013

Mothers Day Pinterest Fail

I hate pinterest.

Yes yes, I'm certainly not the first ax wielding all american hero... uhhhh, man... FINE person with male like genitalia to say that he doesn't like pinterest.  But, never the less, annoying.  The reason? Expectations.  

You see, pinterest sets horribly high expectations. No longer can I have my son play with macaroni, glue and glitter and have it be considered "art".  Oh no, I need to have all the best free range no hormones organic glitter. I need to have Martha Stewart herself swing by my place, whip up the exact replica of Michelangelo's David (with or without penis) and exclaim "it's a good thing". 

A few weeks back, I took to twitter to ask what my son should get his mom for mothers day. Lots of people gave lots of good ideas, but the one that sounded the best was a flower pot with the little guy's hand prints on it.  The hand prints would look like flowers and his mom would be forever grateful.  It seemed easy enough, slap some paint on my kid's hand, slap the hand on the pot, DONE!  Something like this:

Oh cute, the fingers are grass.  Suck it pinterest

I mean, I realize that not EVERYTHING can be as perfect as I would like, but I assumed that at the very least, even a drunk monkey could get it to look like this one:

It is certainly no macaroni glitter on paper, but I'm sure they tried really really hard

So, off I went to go get hopefully lead free paint to dip my son's hands in - all the while patting myself on the back at how crafty I'd become. I even had thoughts of "well, maybe I could make these for the grandparents for Christmas or something! Afterall, I DO have all of the supplies!"  $10 of supplies later, I was a walking talking hand painted, flower pot factory.  I was puffing my chest in the Hope Depot parking lot. "I am a man!!  I have PROJECT SUPPLIES!"

Step 1: Spray paint a normal orange terracotta pot a fun color. I had found the second BORING picture above before I started and I had decided that I could not only do this, I could IMPROVE upon the idea!  "Maybe in addition to making these for the grandparents, I could sell them on Etsy or something!"  

The spray painting went somewhat okay.  It took many more layers of paint than I thought it would and I got a bit lazy and started to put it on thicker and thicker.  Unfortunately, the paint ran in a few spots.  Fortunately, most of the runs in the pain were on the inside.  I would NOT be deterred!  "Wow, thank goodness those paint runs are on the inside, I wouldn't want anything to ruin this perfect gift.  I'll have to make sure to put a warning in the 'create your own' kits that I'm going to sell in high end crafting boutiques

Alright kiddo, time to make some memories

Step 2: Put some red paint in the conveniently cute bright yellow paper plate, also making a mental note to put the disposable paint plate in the kit to be sold on the home shopping channel.

Step 3: Dip rather rambunctious 2 year old's hand in paint and OH MY GOD WHY WON'T YOU HOLD STILL!?!?!?

Like a murder scene on CSI

So, yeah. He would NOT hold still for anything. Putting his hand in the paint and then on the pot was like trying to get a cat into a bathtub.  When it was on his hands, he wanted to smell the paint, he wanted to look at it, and then he wanted to paint on his belly with it.

I assume that at day care they let them go crazy with paint without any mass market goals in mind.  So, I pushed his hand in the paint and on the pot as best I could, but for the most part all it did was use his fingers like 5 small paint brushes, smearing paint around like one of those painting elephants you see on the Discovery Channel

If you squint, you can see a handprint

Of course, it should be said that I never actually got frustrated with him. We were having a blast and he LOVED being able to paint on the pot.  Maybe a little too much now that I think about it.  But, the more he giggled the more I saw my millions of home shopping network profits go down the drain.  I did finish the project out.  I painted on the stems as best I could:  "uhhh, this looks like a flower could go here.... Maybe?" Either way, what I ended up with was a pretty fun story and a great present.  After all, it is certainly better than the pinch pot ash trays that I made for my parents when I was 5!

Pot with flower on it... NAILED IT. Suck it pinterest!


ltlindian said...

ahhh haha! real life vs internet life. I love the real pot much better. :)

Kate Geisen said...

Too funny!

Gracie said...

I know this is too little, too late, but you should have sponged a thin layer of paint onto his hand. That paint's too thick.
Like that does you any good now.

Ivayla Wadsworth said...

haha I bet mom loved it though! :)

Maggie Wolff said...

Yup, definitely nailed it.

We tried to do a "Grandma's Helpers" handprint apron when I was a child. My then 2-year-old cousin screamed bloody murder when they did her handprint.

{lifeasa}RunningMom said...

Yours is much better than anything on pinterest!

Running Librarian said...

I'm sure that is mom's favorite pot :)

ajh said...

This is hysterical! I can just see the whole thing happening. You managed to add the leaves and make it look just great. I have to say I have not jumped on the Pinterest band wagon.

Home Away said...

Love it! One of my favorite posts ever! And the pot turned out cute in the end! Also there is a really funny site you should check out

Home Away said...

Love it! One of my favorite posts ever! And the pot turned out cute in the end! Also there is a really funny site you should check out

Sue's Ramblings said...

Did you have Picasso paint art on the house walls? LOL!

Thomas said...

Haha this is hilarious. I am cackling alone to myself.

SF Road Warrior said...

Lol.....I love it. PLEASE tell me you've seen this site:

I feel like you'll appreciate it. :)

Missy said...

OH MY GOODNESS!! To funny!
I say that's a good try though considering there was a toddler involved.
And might I add that your stems look fabulous.

Michaela said...

Bahahaha! This is hilarious! Well, it's the thought that counts. And the experience was fun!

TX Runner Mom said...

Love it! So glad to know that I am not the only one who has had difficulty completing what seemed to be an easy etsy project! Etsy sucks...we buy gifts from now on.

Shannon King said...

Whew, so many tears of laughter falling down my face...OMG you never cease to make me laugh until I practically pee myself...whew! Great present and yes if you squint it does look kinda sorta like a flower hand print thingy made with love of course!

Shannon at I Survived and Now I Run

Shanti said...

I'm so far behind on my blog reading, I'm just now reading this. But thank GOODNESS I didn't just "mark all as read" on my feedly feed. This made my day! AND I might have shared it with my local Moms of Multiples group on Facebook. So, um, yeah, your craftiness is being shared with the world. Thanks for the laugh and for making me feel like a slightly more competent mother because my art projects look mildly better than yours :)

Nicole Anderson said...

Stumbled upon this while searching for tips on how to get my 2-1/2 year old to dip her hands in paint for our very first craft project together. Thanks for the laugh!

Nicole Anderson said...

Stumbled upon this while looking for tips on how to get my 2-1/2 yo to dip her hands in the paint for our first craft project. Thanks for the laugh!

Thomas Lyon said...

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