Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Traffic School


I like to think of myself as a pretty law abiding person (while in the car – but in the bedroom, not so much! Heyoooo).  I basically go the speed limit (again, not in the bedroom!).  I generally only text while driving if I have something REALLY funny to say (read: always).  And I honestly can’t even remember the last time that I stole a car (I think the kids are calling it “boosting” a car now.  I’m so hip. Do kids still say hip?)  As such, I haven’t received any tickets in the last 15 years.  Oh, but that was up until 6 months ago.

You see, in Phoenix, they have cameras that take your picture if you run a red light.  Welp, I ran a red light while trying to turn left, and got my picture taken.  3 weeks and $300 later I’m practically a felon. I think my ball and chain and striped pajamas are in the mail.  Since I’m obviously a menace to society, a week or so back for an ENTIRE day I was in mandatory traffic school.  ALL DAY.

Going to traffic school is a lot like going to a bus stop or the mall.  For some reason, both places bring out the crazies.  At the office I work at has normal people... the same as when I go to Outback Steakhouse for a 3,000 calorie bloomin’ onion.  But man oh man, if I walk by the bus stop or go to traffic school it is like a mix of the show Cops and a reality show titled “so, you dipped into the shallow end of the gene pool!”

I’m not one to judge.  We all make mistakes.  But, it was horribly interesting to me to hear all of the insane things that people were in traffic school for.  Tons of DUIs, but also kids with skinny jeans who were caught drag racing, a guy who received a few speeding tickets and just didn’t do anything with them, and some gal who had received FIVE speeding tickets in a year. FIVE.  Look lady, you need to stop speeding.  You’re not good at it....

What little I did learn, only served to perpetuate crazy and bad driving behaviors.  It seems that the driving laws are similar to the bible in a lot of respects. There are parts that somewhat contradict other parts.  I can get a ticket for getting hit going through an intersection when I have the green light (not yielding) but not for switching lanes while in an intersection – that is totally legal.  Also, those speed limit signs on turns are not laws – they are just suggestions.

So, essentially all that I got out of traffic school are the numbers of 5 people who LOVE to have a good time and that I can totally go around corners as fast as I want.  Well that and over lunch I ate a bear claw the size of my head while driving back to class. Thankfully we covered the "driving while eating / distracted" in the afternoon.

Has anyone else had to go to mandatory traffic school (not to get points off)? Please tell me the people were as colorful as in mine!


17 comments:

jennsadventures said...

I die. I'm literally in hysterics and I know EXACTLY what you're talking about!!

First and foremost my bro graduated from ASU and lived there for awhile after, so I know how hard core those picture tickets can be.

Second, whaaaaat is the deal with bus stops and traffic school?! HAHAHA!!

When I lived in California, I received my first speeding ticket. The ONLY reason I did traffic school was because the traffic violation would be wiped from my record. Win.

Coincidentally, I just got my first speeding ticket in Washington State yesterday. I'm pretty sure I wasn't speeding. I probably was.

Anyway, I know a guy who knows a guy, so now I'm paying $100 for the entire headache to go away. Best part? The actual ticket was almost $200. Double win.

Here's the tip of the day: Get yourself "a guy," so next time (because there will totally be a next time) you don't have to waste your time with the crazies!!

:)

Betsy Lutz said...

When I went to traffic school in person, about ten or twelve years ago, the other people were bored and very very boring. Where was yours held? Mine was in a hotel ROOM. Not a conference room. Not a banquet hall or meeting room. A regular room, with the bed taken out, everything else about it was a normal room. Weirdness.

Emily H said...

I'm lucky... public transportation (e.g. bus stops) are pretty normal in Chicago, as long as you are travelling in the direction of rich white people.

Public services are the great equalizer! Even famous people have to visit the DMV. Ever lose your SS card? Don't. The scum of the earth can be found in the SS office.

Sue's Ramblings said...

So how was your lunch? ;p

Pat said...

The camera caught me turning left on red too. Southern and country club in Mesa. Now I know your not supposed to do that. You know if everyone in traffic school seem normal, then you're the oddball. My class seemed normal.

Nikki! said...

That sounds a lot like going to Walmart. Or the fair. Same kind of people.

The Kidless Kronicles

Lisa said...

I haven't gone, but my son did. He had similar stories!

Rebecca said...

We just got our first traffic cam ticket this week! I was mortified, since the picture was of my van, till I realized hubby was driving it that morning. 47 in a 35 zone. In New Orleans, it is easier to pay the $140, than to pay the court fees they nail you with if you fight it. Plus, it doesn't go on the record and effect your insurance. I'm thinking they have a good racket- for $140, they make it all go away!

But now I'm sad we'll miss the kind of fun you had.

Al's CL Reviews said...

I haven't but this sounds a lot like the mandatory classes you have to go to in GA to get your unemployment check.

stephrunson said...

I'm fortunate enough to have missed out on traffic school adventures. I have had to go to traffic court though, that's pretty similar. Our small neighborhood has it's own traffic court, it's pretty entertaining, if you're not the one with a ticket. Next time you're in TX, if you want a really good time, you should go!

Teresa Millstone said...

I got to go to traffic school on-line.

Nelly said...

lol on the peeps at traffic school! I've only been once, and I remember the people in there being about average, not too crazy. Sounds like you went to a crazy class lol

Patty T said...

There are crazy people in required traffic school. Best story I heard was a girl got pulled over for going 105 in her mom's Maserati. She told the cop she thought some guys in a truck were chasing her and she was trying to get away from them. He lowered the ticket to 65 in a 55.

Thomas said...

The way Arizona handles traffic tickets too is ridiculous. They all show up on normal background checks. I have to run them for my company and whenever I run somebody from AZ they always pop up in red with "criminal record" and it's usually something like "5-10MPH over posted limit." No other state does that!

Allison said...

My favorite favorite person at traffic school the weekend I took it was the man who said he was a pediatrician but I am quite certain may have actually been the Lady Chablis sporting a Rick James jheri curl. He was damn fabulous, and I'm not gonna lie, I was way jealous of the way his ass looked in those jeans.

runningsurvivor said...

Ha ha ha...too funny...nope never been to traffic school or had a ticket in my life...not that I haven't deserved one or two during my life...lol! your posts are always so funny, I am cracking up!

Mike said...

I had to go to court to plead guilty to get court supervision to avoid points. It was similar to your experience. Lots of people with lots worse problems than speeding.