Friday, September 28, 2012

Funny Foto Friday: World's Best Dad

Taper is in full force!!  As I type this I'm trying to forget the slight ache in my hamstring (it is nothing) and the fact that I feel like I'm eating too much food for how much I'm running.  The taper crazies are HERE!  I'm currently 8 days away from my next "goal" marathon - in St George, UT.

As you can see, it has a bit of a gangsta lean to the left which will either pound my legs into a pulp or provide a fun fast marathon.  Time will tell!  So, this morning instead of 12 or so miles, I ran 8 miles pretty easy.  It was a great run - which makes me hopeful!!


This week's funny foto Friday isn't so much about running or fitness as it is about being a parent.

So, I have to admit, this morning my son was eating a doughnut for breakfast (his mom gave it to him for the record :) and I uttered words that immediately made me feel like a horrible parent: "Quit horsing around and eat your doughnut".  Ugh.  I might as well have been letting him play with scissors.

Anyway, leave it up to the internet to make me feel better about myself.  I recently ran across the MyModernMet artistic photograph website that had a series of HILARIOUS "World's best dad" pictures.  There are a bunch more on the site, but here are some of the better ones.  Happy Friday!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Running to be unhealthy

Mmmmm, bite sized brownie
There are lots of reasons why I lace up one of my seven pairs of running shoes and go for a run 6x a week.  Most are self serving, but none are more important than the other:

  • It's a hobby.  For 31 year old guys, hobbies are hard to come by.  Either you're killing zombies in a video game or smacking the hoes on the side of the street (I think?? who knows).
  • It's time alone in my head to sort through any issues that might be bothering me.
  • Duh, look good naked.
  • It gives me a community to belong to. "Hi, I'm Adam. I'm a runner"
  • But, the most important..... Running enables me to eat pretty unhealthy foods and still be considered "fit"

When I used to be 50 pounds heavier, I ate crap.  I know that I’ve said it before, but I was pretty sure that a calorie was a flavor of Dorito and fat grams was the way crack dealers were paid.  I thought that I was happy but as it turns out I wasn’t.  So, I started to run.  And now, I run a LOT.

The nice benefit of running a lot is looking good naked that in order to maintain weight, you have to eat a lot.  No matter what anyone tells you, your body is a machine. Calories in (Taco Bell), calories out (Poop working out).  So, when I am running at peak mileage, I need to eat an extra 1000 or so calories a day just to stay where I am at. THAT is why I run. (100 cals a mile, 70 miles, 7000 calories)

So, while I’m sure that I could eat healthy and still maintain the 3000ish calories that I need, I’ve found that it is much much easier to grab 2 pop tarts and exclaim “CALORIES FOUND!” and be all caught up on the day.

To be clear, I still eat pretty healthy, but I don’t have the incentive to be super diligent to watch what I eat.  However, I will admit that I recently ran across a few things that even made me raise an eyebrow.  Exhibit A? The beer milkshake.  Somehow the casual dining chain Red Robin mixed two awesome things and made something that sounds completely repulsive.  Sort of like being naked and running.  Running?  FUN! Being naked? AMAZING.  Running naked?  Ehhhhhhhhh...

So, truth is, I probably could be slightly healthier if I ate lots of Kale and organic [insert snooty organic food here].  But, if I ate 100% healthy all the time, what would be the point in running as much as I do?  Sure, I'd be fast, but at what cost?  Afterall, sometimes you just want to crack open a beer and a pint of ice cream and throw them together in the blender.  **shudder**

Do you use running as an excuse to have that beer milkshake now and again?


Monday, September 24, 2012

Ups and Downs

I think that it is likely no surprise that I’ve been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest the last week or so.  Or, maybe no one noticed?  I’m going to assume that everyone thought that I was dead and you all have been meeting in private to divide up my race medals and my smelly running shoe collection. Just be certain and carry out my last wishes – that I be buried without pants. Who knows who I will meet in heaven!?  Fortunately for me, I’m not dead.....just sort of dealing with a few ups and downs.....
Up!!!  I got into the Boston marathon!!!  My 3:04:00 was fast enough and I am officially running the race.  Like I’ve said before, you not only have to run a qualifying time, but you also have to “apply” to run the race.  Not putting anything to chance, I’ve been eating nothing but Boston baked beans since running the Eugene marathon (to boost up the Boston economy, of course) which can’t have hurt my prospects.  In fact, I’m thinking on keeping it up.  It’s basically like a rocket engine strapped to my butt.  Kidding aside, this is a bucket list race.  I am running the Boston Marathon!

Down.... I already booked my hotel for the race (because I’m a crazy person) and it was EXPENSIVE!  The 4 nights that I’m staying currently (might stay more) were supposed to cost $1600, but instead I used nearly all of my hotel points and got it for free.  Let’s be honest though, they could have wanted $500/night and I still would have paid it.  Damn you unicorn!


No, no... TapeR, not taper her
Up!!! I’m officially tapering for my next race.  The St George, UT marathon in two weeks!!   It is a bit of a “cheater” course that is mostly downhill for 19 of the 26 miles.  I just started the taper, so I’m not itching or twitching like a meth addict just yet.  But, I’m sure that will start as I run more and more runs that are less than 30 minutes.

Down.... I’ve sort of been in taper for the last month or so.  I’m only running 3/4 of the miles I should be (55-60ish miles per week +/-) when I’d really like to be cracking 80.  This either means that I’ll be very well rested come race day or I’ll shit my pants at mile 21.  Either way? GREAT blog posts.


Up!!! After getting promoted and taking on a slightly different role, I’m finally starting to find my footing.  It is a bit more work than I was doing before (read: I really didn’t get rid of any responsibilities), but I really like the work that I do and feel that I am recognized for it.  That hasn’t eased the 11-12 hour days much, but I’m getting by.

Down..... I’m sorting through a few family issues as of late.  One of those “fork in the road” type deals.  It’s been a bit of a struggle as I try to find my place and sort through issues both mental and logistical.  During this time I’ve come to know two things: My son has to live on a combination of horse steroids and sugar (he is BUSY), and just like in running,  you don’t know how strong you are until you’re pushed to what you thought your limits were.
Shopping makes me sleepy too


Up!!! It made me sad that I took an entire week off from blogging and didn’t get another funny foto Friday up.  So, here is a bonus Funny Foto MONDAY! Enjoy!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Funny Foto Friday: Textbook Funnies

I'll admit, I'm no literary genious.  While I know the difference between there they're and their, I have never been able to figure out affect vs effect.... and don't get me started on how "of" should be spelled "ove".  Love, dove, OF?  Me thinks not.

But, my faults aside (I have a list, it's long), I don't write books - I write a blog.  So, you'd think that people who write textbooks would be a bit sharper on the old grammar machine.  Well, you'd be wrong.  Below are a handful of amazingly horrible textbook typos that make you think.  What happened that would cause this effect??  Or, is it affect?  Crap.  Happy Friday!

I think most editors need to have a middle school mind to catch stuff like this

Oh, I think they got the first part correct.  Four F's indeed

Something tells me that correct verb usage isn't what we should be worried about this

WHAT are they doing on the Asian continent???

Frankly Tom, I don't want to see ANY of that.


BONUS!!!  Streaker actually gets away with it "Warning, naked dude butt"
The best part is how carefully planned this is.  Pays to be a (naked) runner!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Speed session verbiage defined

This past Tuesday, like I promised last week, I ran at night.  But, to add insult to injury, not only did I run at night but I also ran with the jogging stroller!  It was like not only getting arrested for urinating in public, but getting to jail and realizing that the other drunk guy in the holding cell just got back from a political convention.  “Do you know why America is the best? Because we’re...uhhh....'MERCIA!  UUUU SSSS AAAA!!!”  **hiccup**

It was “only” a 5 mile run, but because my jogging stroller is slightly out of alignment it seemed much much longer.  I’ll bet I had to lift it and correct the trajectory just short of 18 BILLION times.  In fact, my arm is sore today as a result.  But, pace was solid @ 7:36, although my son started to squirm around the 3 mile mark and then fell asleep around mile 4.25.


Runners have all sorts of fun terms that make us feel better than everyone else. Pace work, track session, fartlek, booty shorts – each tell everyone that we are indeed special and should be treated as such.  Sort of like saying that something is “Vegan” or is “Certified Organic”.  Just typing that makes me feel better about myself .

One of the most confusing?  Track work.  Take this simple set of Yasso 800s that I gave to one of the gals that I coach.  Might as well have told me that a three four defense is good, but not if you blitz the A-gap. Confusing. (Football on the mind)

So anyway, I thought that I would try to decode what the crap the above meant. I remember years back I had a bit of a lightbulb moment when I was reading Runner’s World and they described it. So, hopefully I’m turning on the headlights for someone (wait, that sounds wrong). There are many variations, but overall they are to mean the following:

Kiss my Yasso
10x800: This would be your “fast” section.  In this case, do 10 reps of 800 meters.  (2 laps of a track or approx half a mile).  I have folks do 400,800,1200, and 1600 lengths, but anything works here.
8:00/mile pace: This is ‘how’ fast you run your fast sections.  This can be in seconds, too: 12x 400 in 80 seconds (5:00 pace).
400 recovery: Basically the distance that you easy run (some people might call it “jog”), gasping for breath counting down the seconds until your next fast part.  This could also be minutes rest... As in “10x800 @ 8:00 pace w/ 2 min rest”

So, the above workout would likely include a warm up mile or so, running half a mile at 8:00, running quarter a mile easy (likely around 10:00 pace) and repeating that 9 more times for a total of ten.  If you puke, you need to eat fewer brownies.

There you have it!  Don’t you feel smarter?  If so, yay!  If not, then go text a friend that you’re eating organic Greek yogurt. That’ll make you feel better.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Boston, Fueling, and Humidity

Registration for the Boston Marathon started on Monday.  Sort of.  It started for people who beat their qualifying time by 20 minutes or more.  I beat mine by 59 seconds.  That means I curse those who ran faster and hope they trip on a curb have to wait a full week before I can sign long as there are spots available by then. The Boston Marathon has made it very clear that if the race fills up before we get through all of the various waves (people who beat their time by 10 minutes who I call bastards half as often as the 20 minute people sign up on Wednesday) then the later waves will not occur.  As you can imagine, I’m puckered like I just gave birth to a lemon with anticipation on if I will get in or not.

Did you notice how I completely side stepped the fact that 25 year old females have to run a slower time than 54 year old males to qualify?  That’s basically Mary Kate & Ashley Olson vs George Cloony or Sean Penn. Hmmmm.  But, like I always say.... Boston’s race, Boston’s rules, my obsession.  Have your fingers crossed (or body orifice puckered) for me on the 17th.

No cocaine here at ALL
(but seriously, they DO look like some of the Russian female marathoners)


On Sunday, I went out for a 16 mile, 2 hour run.  It was actually a fairly cool day by Arizona standards so I had high hopes for a successful run.  That is, until I duck walked a quarter mile in the middle on the way to the bathroom at the McDonalds.  Have I mentioned how I really really love that McDonalds?

So, I’m a smart runner, I promise I am. I coach lots of people and tell them the dos and don’ts of pre run fueling.  And yet, there I was, recalling back to the 3 beers and 3 pieces of pizza I had the night before.  “Carbs” I told myself – this won’t be THAT bad. But, that morning “mass ejection” my body was telling me.  I have a pretty sensitive stomach, (obviously) and I don’t do well with the fatty foods before a long run.  Lesson learned.  (for the 12th time)


It’s raining in Phoenix.  It never rains in Phoenix.  I piss and moan (a lot) about running in the heat here, but I seriously don’t know how you people run in the humidity.  I sweat a LOT with 10% humidity, to say that I look like a wet dog in 80% would be like saying running after 3 beers and 3 pieces of pizza “cleaned me out a little bit”.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Funny Foto Friday: Perspective

Hello, my name is Adam and it has been 2 days since I have ran. I will control the things that I can control and accept the things for which I cannot.

It would be one thing if I weren't running because of something fun.  Things like:

  • Saved a baby trapped in a burning car and my eyebrows are too burnt to go out in public
  • Just ran a massive marathon PR and my legs are too sore to move
  • Too sore from massive amounts of sex
  • Saved a baby trapped in a burning car in the middle of setting a massive marathon PR while having sex
But, it isn't a good reason like those - it is just because I'm sick. 

But, I'm really on the up and up today... My fever is gone, my headache is pretty much controlled with meds, and I'm back on a regular poop schedule.  So, I think that I should be able to go on an exploratory run tomorrow and then get back into it on Sunday. Yee haw.

Finally, the funny foto friday of the week is pretty simple.  Sometimes, everything is just about perspective. Sometimes things are not what they seem. Happy Friday!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Night Treadmill Run Turned Wrong

Due to some scheduling changes in my life, I’m going to be running at night a few days a week – and then turning around and running the very next morning.  Unless they are training for one of those crazy relays where everyone stays up late and has naked pillow fights in vans (that is what happens at Ragnar, right??) I rarely encourage people I coach to do quick turn runs like that.  But, at the risk of seeming foolish (no risk, already there) or stupid (again, no risk, already there), I’m likely to do it a handful times a week for the foreseeable future.

Let's be clear: I’m a morning runner.  I’ve always been a morning runner.  This is partly due to the fact that I have a hard time doing it after a long day of work and the fact that I live on the surface of the sun where the temps are usually 100+ through midnight.  I’ve gotten used to 4am wake up calls and not eating anything before (but not during) a 14 mile mid week run.  Ah, but yesterday I forced myself to hydrate all day long, watched what I ate (read: nothing) in the afternoon and pounded out 14 miles on the treadmill.

Fortunately, I can avoid the heat now because I have a treadmill available.  In fact, I tweeted something about that last night:

It was interesting! In a "I think I caught the herps" kind of a way

Answer: of course!

I haven’t ran on a treadmill on a regular basis for years.  Coming up on two years actually.  So, this was a new occurrence for me to be sure.  It was like I was running for the first time:  Do I bring water? (Yes) Do I bring a towel? (I forgot) Do I really slap people on the ass? (Only if they are really cute guys in crop top shirts)  Overall, the run went pretty well. The last few miles were a struggle because I cranked it up to marathon pace around 6:50, but I got all 14 miles in and was able to shower and eat dinner before 9:30pm.  Success!!
I need to call those nice fellas....

But, when I got home, showered....something felt... Off...  I went to bed and proceeded to toss, turn, and shiver the entire night.  I think that either the gym or night running gave me the flu – or a really bad cold.
Stupid treadmill herpies
I think JM just might have my number on this one....

So, I didn’t run this morning. Just like the Catholic School Priests always said, above the head, proceed. below the head, STOP (and if you have a fever, stay in bed).  But, I will run these doubles very very soon – so, I need some tips!

Evening runners, how do you manage?  What about fueling for people with pretty sensitive stomachs?  Dinner before (never for me) or after?