Sunday, January 29, 2012

Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K Race Report!

Freeze your what?  But, I don't HAVE thorns?  He has always been a bit inappropriate on his blog........what body part does he really mean by "thorns"?!?!

Like I said before, not only was the FYTO5K a virtual race with participants around the world, it was also a real life race in Phoenix Arizona.  So, on Saturday, I wore two hats:  A black ski-mask and one of those hard hats with two beers and a straw  Race director and race pacer.  I not only coordinated the in person race I also paced a good friend to a hopeful PR.

Race Director:
Let's be honest.  People can say that they run races for exercise, to look good naked, or to reward themselves after a hard training cycle.  But deep down we all know why people run races:  To be able to pee in public Race medals.  So, the first and most important thing that I needed to do was square away race medals for the race.

I continued with my previous theme of hardware store washers with magic marker. Classy. I like to think the medals I make are sort of like one of those home-made clay ash trays that so many of us made while we were in Elementary / Grammar school. Our parents didn't smoke, but they still thought they were "darling".  By the way.... Why were we making ash trays in art class?!? It is no wonder we're not all chain smokers.

Creating race medals take intense concentration
And booze.  Lots and lots of booze

My one and only attempt at being "artistic".  
I'm just glad that there weren't any baby toys in the background

Race Pacer / Sherpa:
With the medals created, I was able to focus on the real task at hand - pacing a good friend.  On Saturday, I got to the race location about 2 hours early - way before that slightly obese Dunkin Donuts guy was "making the donuts".  Jeff and Suzanne weren't able to run with the primary group but instead were looking to run a bit earlier.  Jeff wanted to run a sub 28:00 (9:00/mile) 5K which even with my sore knee I thought that I could do.
Picture from Christina

The race with Jeff and Suzanne started out FAST.  Really fast.  We were running 8:30ish pace and I had to keep telling Jeff to slow down. So the saying goes "seconds banked in the front only get paid back with interest during the second half of the race" Fortunately, after 1/4 of a mile we started hitting our 9:00s and were off to the races.

By the half, I stopped and marked the turnaround for everyone else and let Jeff go on his own for a bit.  I could tell that he was really pushing really hard to maintain pace but thought that the few moments with his own thoughts might do him well.

By the time I caught up, he had slowed slightly, but was still right on pace for a 8:55/mile finish.  Whenever I pace people I'm never quite sure what to do.  Do you continuously say "good job! You can do it"? Well, if you are supposed to do that, I do it way wrong.  I normally try to ramble on, taking the approach of taking their mind off of the pain.  So, I told the story of my first 5K and how I completely bonked at the end.  It must of worked, because before I knew it, we had finished with a newly minted PR!  Unfortunately though, my knee HURT afterwards.  Doh.  Rest for me for the foreseeable future.

Jeff and Suzanne after their PR! 
Thumbs up for Adam not being a serial killer! (Yet)

Back To Race Directing:
With a quick pat on the ass and a tender embrace, Jeff was on his way and I could focus on getting everyone else where they needed to go.  I finished marking the course with flour (and might have pee'd in the bushes while Christina stood guard) and waited for everyone to arrive.

I'm sure everyone is VERY interested in what I am pointing at

As people started to arrive, there was a bit of confusion about the starting location because the original starting spot was gated off.  Turns out, if you just move the gates to the side, you get yelled at by park rangers.....who knew!?

But, everyone was able to find out where it was and small talk before the start.  Unfortunately, instead of "small talk" my son decided to "projectile vomit" all over the inside of my car RIGHT before the start.  So, in addition to race director and race pacer, I added car detailer to my list of responsibilities for the day.

Everyone at the starting line. 
Don't let anyone fool you, the 50 degree temperatures were "like O.M.G. Super Chilly" :)

But, once I got all of the puke cleaned up, got everyone lined up, I said "READY SET GO!" and everyone started running!!  If only I had that kind of power in my real life. We had runner bloggers, friends of friends, and even family show up to toe the line for 5,000m of the best fun you can have with your clothes on.

The runners ranged from super fast Reid with an 19:06 "easy run" 5K

To my brother in law - who seemed basically just as fast

To the four legged - who still got a medal because.... he ran the race too god damn it!

Overall, the race was a really good time.  I don't think that anyone was out to break any speed records (except for Jeff and Suzanne) but sometimes that isn't what running with friends (or complete strangers) is about.  On Saturday, we all got together and ran 3.1 miles - and had a blast doing it!

Friday, January 27, 2012

Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K Results Dropbox!

I know that some of you are running Friday, some on Saturday, and some on Sunday.  No worries!  When you are finished, leave a comment here to tell me how you did!  If you have a blog and wrote a race report, link it up and I'll include it in the race summary!  (Here is this summer's version of race summary)

Happy Running!

Funny Foto Friday: Amy Winehands & Mixins

Update on my knee......  I went for a 5 mile test run today that went....ok.  I still feel some tightness or the feeling of being itchy.  Does anyone else have little dings that feel sore boarding on itchy?  Maybe I need to get some Preparation H for my knee?

This week's funny foto Friday is a bit of a grab bag.

First, when I was writing yesterdays post, I was looking for a picture of someone doing the game "Edward 40 hands" but with wine bottles.  (Normally, you duct tape two 40oz (1.2 L (!!!)) bottles of beer to your hands and you can't take them off to pee until you've finished them both. It is a black-out inducing hilarious good time!)  I couldn't find a picture with wine so I complained about it on Twitter.  Enter Lynne!!!

She not only let me know that the game is called "Amy Winehands" but offered to take a picture!  Go check out her blog here (GREAT pictures of foooood).

Step 1 - tape wine bottles to your hands

Step 2 - Nighty night

Finally, a few pictures I found on facebook to round out the Funny Foto Friday.

This is about as expected as a corn dog at a 5 star restaurant

Finally, I think we've all seen or at least heard of the "Shit XX Say" videos.  The original was what Girls say, but I've also seen runners and triathletes as well.  Each is funny, but for some reason the Shit Ultra Runners Say is the funniest by far.  IT seems that when runners get out on the trail, all bets are off. Happy Friday!

Don't forget!! The Freeze Your Thorns off 5K is TOMORROW!!  Come back and let me know how you did by leaving a comment and I'll include you in the results summary!

Prizes Prizes OMG Prizes!!

Zero Water pitcher!  Filters out all of the municipal water sludge and helps you run cleaner
(Review to come very shortly!)

Moeben Arm Sleeves!! UV-protected sleeves are made with a handy pocket for a gel packet or small iPod.
I seriously can't even make up these advertisements.  Was this the start of a hippie orgie?

Feetures (not a typo) high performance running socks!
Like a condom for your feet (that might be my slogan, not theirs)

Body Glide!!!  What better to protect your naughty bits - even in the cold
I kid you not, if you Google Image Body Glide, this picture comes up - I suppose if you're playing soccer in a bikini you WOULD need body glide.....

Nuun!!!  No calories, fizz, electrolytes, delicious

Also, if you put Nuun in wine? Not that bad!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Unplanned Rest Day

Yes, today I uttered quite possibly the 3 worst words that a runner (or athlete) can say. Needed Nipple Bandaids Today, I took an unplanned rest day.

On Tuesday, I decided to jump right back into training and ran a 10 miler with 4 miles at marathon pace of 7:05ish.  It was a really solid run, but I was certainly reminded that I ran a marathon less than 2 weeks before.  I have no idea how I ran nearly that pace for 17 miles.  I get the feeling it is sort of like waking up in the morning and seeing a wine bottle with only an inch left.  I have no idea how the bottle got that empty, but doing it again makes me want to barf.  Wine Carbo Load

On Wednesday, I ran an easy 5 miles.  My knee felt “itchy” during the run (“tight” perhaps?) and when I stopped was full on “achy”.  It ebbed and flowed throughout the day in various stages of “hurty”, but overall I knew that something was up.  Unfortunately, I went drunken high school dance in the back of mom’s minivan on my running plan.  While the marathon pace run felt hard but good, it was just a bit too much just a bit too fast. Self coach fail  However, one of the things that I’ve found to be the key to my success has been to know what is injury pangs vs what is being sore pangs.  This felt like injury so I took the rest day.  Hopefully it will pay dividends tomorrow when I try it out again. Hurts so good

I vented my frustration to twitter earlier this morning.  I’ve come to believe that twitter is only good for a few very specific things: Complaining, talking about bodily functions (Pooping & things I see in the bathroom), posting about runs that go particularly bad, did I mention complaining?, and posting my witty observations.  Doesn’t that make you want to follow me!?

I asked everyone what their “3 worst words for runners” were and here is what I received.  What are YOUR worst 3 words?  So far, unplanned rest day is leading my list by a mile.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Reminder! Giveaway / Freeze Your Thorns Off Jan 28th!

January is tough.  I get it, I really do.  (In the northern hemisphere) The days are short.  It doesn't matter if you're a night runner or a morning runner, if you're running, you're running in the dark.  You're always wondering if some meth hungry hobo is around the corner ready to shank you, steal your Garmin and sell it for some sweet sweet "candy".  To top it off, it just snowed, and then melted, and then iced over.  And don't even get me started on the neighbors dog that somehow seems to drop turds right in the middle of the sidewalk.

During the month of January, races are few and far between.  Which, is exactly why I started my own!  And, is exactly why you should sign up.  Oh, also you should sign up for prizes. Lots and lots of quality prizes.

For those of you that had one too many glasses of boxed wine, here is the low down on what a virtual race is, why you signed up, if Ryan Secrest know....or isn't, and what you have to do to win sweet sweet prizes.

  • I pick the day (Saturday), you pick the time, distance, location, and basically everything else.  Just like in the bedroom always, I don't do much of the work
  • Make sure that you're signed up on my original post here
  • If you want to treat it like it's own stand alone 5K - great!  If you want to do it as part of a different race or run - awesome!  If you want to do it naked in the shower by jogging in place for 25 minutes - take pictures!
  • All that is "required" is that you come back to my blog on January 28th and tell me you ran!  If you have a blog, post a report on there about the race and let me know that you did, if you don't just leave a comment.  That's it!
  • Posting pictures of yourself in a blog race report with frozen snot will get you an automatic shout-out in my results post

Who: You and 10s of your closest Boring Runner readers (along with Phoenix area runners on a measured 5K course)
What: 3.1 miles
When: Saturday January 28th, 2012 (Honestly, if you are doing it on Sunday, I'll probably allow it)
Where: Wherever the crap you want! Outside, treadmill, in front of the WII, nude in the shower, wherever!
Why: Because basically everyone is doing it  PRIZES!!!

So, with that - all you need is a bib!

(Right click - save from this page for a "bib sized" version)

Remember how I said that there were prizes?  Well, fortunately for you I didn't lie!  Unfortunately for me, I am horrible at cold-calling companies and asking them to donate to the cause so 90% of this stuff I'm just buying (everything but zero water).  So, instead of focusing on the frivolous stuff, I'm getting things that will ACTUALLY get used.  Horray!  All you need to do to be entered is to sign up for the race!

Zero Water pitcher!  Filters out all of the municipal water sludge and helps you run cleaner
(Review to come very shortly!)

Moeben Arm Sleeves!! UV-protected sleeves are made with a handy pocket for a gel packet or small iPod.
I seriously can't even make up these advertisements.  Was this the start of a hippie orgie?

Feetures (not a typo) high performance running socks!
Like a condom for your feet (that might be my slogan, not theirs)

Body Glide!!!  What better to protect your naughty bits - even in the cold
I kid you not, if you Google Image Body Glide, this picture comes up - I suppose if you're playing soccer in a bikini you WOULD need body glide.....

Nuun!!!  No calories, fizz, electrolytes, delicious

Also, if you put Nuun in wine? Not that bad!

Monday, January 23, 2012

11 Random Things

Recently, I was tagged by The Readhead to post 11 random things about myself and then answer 11 questions.  I hesitated to answer these because I was ALSO recently tagged by Jamoosh to post 7 random things about consulting (because I'm a consultant).  Turns out, coming up with things about consulting is HARD - and I'm only half way there.  So, you get 11 - which is more.  Win!

1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
5. Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people!

11 Rando Things:
1. I am a germophobe possibly boardering on OCD levels - seriously.  I mean, I'm not one of those "it puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again" kind of guys, but you can bet your hand sanitizer that I'm washing my hands after I touch a few too many doornobs.

2. I used to travel for work (full time, 4 days a week, for 7 years) and therefore am REALLY good at killing time on an airplane - not including reading books.  I used to fly back and forth to Atlanta from Phoenix and would read blogs offline, do work, read the skymall magazine, obsess over training plans - you name it.  This "skill" has came to bite me in the ass a bit when traveling with my wife and son.  I'm totally fine doing whatever but my wife gets bored out of her mind.

3. No matter what your thoughts about running coaches, becoming one is one of the most fun things I've done in my spare time (other than being naked running) for quite some time.  It is rewarding, challenging, and inspiring all at the same time.

4. I moved to Phoenix (from Kansas City) 2.5 years ago and have completely become a cold-weather wuss.  In fact, this weekend it was "only" 64 degrees out and I wore a long sleeve sweater.

5. I've become entirely too used to running 60+ miles per week.  Actually, that is wrong. I've become entirely used to eating the 3,000 calories a day that running 60+ miles a week requires.  I'm up a pretty solid 4 pounds in the last week and a half. (Which, if a pound is 3,500 extra calories, seems about right)

6. I'm a pretty emotional guy.  I wouldn't be lying when I say that I shed a tear for Dathan coming in 4th during the US Olympic Marathon Trials. Fortunately, he's already been to the Olympics twice in the 10k and is the favorite to appear a 3rd time - so, he'll be fine.

7. Very frequently I wish that I had a more "amazing" job.  My brother in law is a pilot, my dad is a farmer, and I'm an IT consultant specializing in program management with an emphasis in internal operations.  My client isn't even all that "sexy" - a biz to biz distributor. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

8. Ummm (stretching for more facts)... I've been shoulder deep inside of a cow before.

9. Uhhhhhhh (more stretching)... I very often have huge blogger guilt about not posting more frequently than I do.

10. It never ceases to amaze me how before I had kids I never understood when people said "I'd die for them" but the second after my son was born it clicked and I thought to myself "Yup, in a heartbeat".

11. I rarely tag people at the end of things like this because I am always SOOO late on them (see also the 7 consulting things that I'm still working on).  I doubt this will be an exception to that precedent.

Ok, second part - here are the questions that Morgan asked of me!

1. What is the last thing you took a picture of?
I used $100 of my birthday money (which was in July - yeah, I'm a hoarder) and spent it all on booze this weekend.  I bought the hat trick - including beer, wine, and whiskey.  One thing I've always wanted to try was one of these "fancy" boxed wines.  I took a picture to tweet that had the caption "Yeah, that just happened - boxed wine. I'll let you know how it is"

The result? Not too bad.  Not great, but certainly better than two buck chuck or some other <$5 bottle.  The downside?  With FOUR full bottles (3L) in the box, it is REALLY hard to judge how much I'd drank.  Normally once I get through the bottle through half the bottle I know it is time to quit.  Not so much with Mr Black Box.

2. What finally made you decide to write your blog?
Finally!?  I've been doing it for like 4 years!? :)  A buddy of mine started one and I 100% copied him.

3. If you had to listen to one song on repeat for the rest of your life, what would it be?
My music tastes are a lot like my personality and blog style. Gangsta rap with beats on the 5s and 9s.  Nothing too serious with a side of humor.  So, my song would be BareNaked Ladies: Some Fantastic. Give a listen, you won't be disappointed.

Sweet unplugged version:

Studio version:

4. What's one item on your 'bucket list'?
Boston.Marathon.  In all seriousness, this thing has become my unicorn.  Which, based on the race logo - very appropriate.

5. If you could be on any TV show, which would it be?
When I was younger, I always wanted to be on Nickelodeon's Double Dare.  That show just SEEMED fun. It was like a human version of mouse trap.

The real answer, of course, would be the TLC reality show "How [Winning] the Lottery Changed My Life". (Is that answer like asking a wishing genie for 3 more wishes?)

6. If you could start your own race, what distance would it be?
Umm, I already have - TWICE!  5K. You should go sign up.... NOW.

7. What would you name said race?
Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K.  Or, if that was somehow taken, Sweat Your Thorns Off 5K.

8. If you were forced to eat like something other than how you eat now, which would you choose? (Vegetarian, Vegan, Paleo, Pescetarian, Kosher, Cannibal, etc...)
Cannibal!? Jeeze, this meme sure did take a turn for the bizarre.  I'd like to eat like those bastards that are always 100 pounds and shoving their face full of pizza all the time - all the while saying "I just can't seem to gain any weight!!  I must have a high metabolism"

9. If you could rid the world of one social application, which would it be?
I saw that someone had answered Farmville.  Agreed!!  That game is almost like boxed wine.  People always make fun of it and say "omg, WHO would drink [play] that!?!?"  But, last time I checked there were literally more Farmville players than ACTUAL farmers.  So, I guess someone must like it!

10. If you could choose just one person to train with for a training cycle who would it be?
This honestly was the hardest question in the whole list.  My gut says Ryan Hall.  He is the fastest active American marathoner in history.  But, I question how much of his training would translate to what I'm doing?  Who knows - probably not much, but I'd be willing to give it the 110 mile a week try!

11. If you were a guest at our wedding what would you bring as a gift based on what you know about Spike and I?
Okay. We all know weddings are 90% about girls.  Sure, girls humor guys asking them what they want, giving them input here and there, but the reality is that girls think about their wedding day from the time that they are 6.  Any guys that think about their wedding day from the age of 6 unfortunately can't get legally married in 47 states.  Because of that, whenever I'm invited to a wedding where the people are my friends and not my wife's, I always try to get something for the husband.  As a result, Spike would be getting a signed copy of one of the Harry Potter books.  Huzzah!!!

So, in true 11th fact fashion..... No taggie for me.  BUT, if you haven't done this - do it and comment here.  I'll totally do a post and link back!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Funny Foto Friday: Body Hair Art

I've made mention on a number of occasions that I don't have a lot of body hair.  In fact, I had a guy convinced in college that I shaved my arms.  (Who did he think I was!?  A triathlete?)  I'm sort of like the little Taco Bell Chiwawa with random tufts of hair to remind everyone that I am indeed still male.  (Of course, that hair is normally in the form of a uni-brow that would make Bert and Ernie jealous.)

That isn't the case for everyone.  In fact, it seems that there are two subsets of the population that are blessed in the body hair department - middle aged dudes and college guys.  I recently ran across a website,, that not only shows men in all of their wooly mammoth splendor, but also shows off their "creative talents". Happy Friday!

His handlebar mustache goes ALL the way down....and around his nipples?

Ok, THIS is just creepy.  Devotion? Blasphemy?

The only way it could be more patriotic would be if he was wearing flag underwear

I don't even know what this is supposed to be - he just looks freaking cool

Who needs argyle? 


Transformer: By day, college student.  But, by night..... sex panther.

YES YES YES!!  I seriously want to do this..... if I could

Obligatory dorm room in the background

I'm not sure what is more gross....  the fact that is this BACK hair 
or the fact that you can tell he has a hairy hairy ass.

Finally, if this doesn't say creepy, then you need to do more google image searches.  Happy Friday!