Everyone knows that some birthdays come with major perks. 16 you can drive (or you used to be able to... now they’ve made it confusing as hell. When you turn 16, you can now drive only if it is sunny, your mom is sitting on your lap, and your cell phone is in the trunk.), 18 you can
Turns out, 31 miles*** is 50K! While the baby distance of ultra marathons, it is still an ultra marathon in the true sense of the word. (That is, you're ultra-idiotic if you run that far) What better than to “celebrate” surviving another year by running a mile for each year of my life?....in the desert...when it is 85....and sunny...with no shade....oh god, I’m going to die. Sign.me.up.
|Hmmm, steak might be worth it....|
Essentially I’m going to run a long run and then run another long run afterwards. I'm not going to run it ultra marathon style with strange food as fuel but instead will essentially run it like I would a marathon. Also, since it will be so hot, I’m going with a loop course. That way I can freeze a bunch of water and leave it on a corner and swing by every 4 miles or so. Some of the water will be for drinking, but I've actually been told that the true ultra runners stick it down their pants to really "feel the burn". Who am I to argue with frozen naughty bits****? I actually tested this course out 2 weeks ago and it worked better than a 6 year old in a Nike factory.
The course. Loop baby, loop.
So, that is the plan this year. I know I can do it, in fact, I’m pretty certain I could likely do it 20 minutes faster, but this time it is just a matter of how fun it will be. But, I guess if I really don’t like it, I can just stock up on depends, black over the hill balloons, and birthday cards about how much I fart. That would be a Happy Birthday indeed.
What else should I do to celebrate turning 31?
**Now that I will be 31, am I considered middle aged? Bleh, I think that I just made myself depressed. Off to buy a convertible, a leather jacket, and some of those gloves with holes in the knuckles.
*** Ok ultra nerds, I know it is 31.07 miles. Yes, I will be doing the extra just like I did 1609m during my mile run.
****What does the training plan look like for freezing your man bits off? Do I work up to ice cubes? Start with warm tea, then cool water, etc?