Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Humility: Only a Race Photo Away

Bloggers like attention.  Every few days, we sit down and type out wonderfully crafted stories about the goings on in our lives just knowing that everyone will think that it is the best story ever.  (I mean, at least that is what I think.)  Every so often though, we get handed a story so embarrassing that we know that there is no way that we could post it.  But, of course, we remember how well crafted our other stories are so decide to post it anyway.   This afternoon, instead of a slice of humble pie, I received the “she loves him instead of me so I’m going to eat my way stupid” size piece of humble pie.  You see my blogger friends, I take HORRIBLE race pictures (as also seen here), and today I found some doozies that would make even the most boastful person blush.

While talking with a friend about which race photo they should buy, I mentioned that I take such horrible race photos that I don’t even bother looking at them anymore.  My expression is usually a mix between pain, constipation, surprise, and that look that President George W Bush had on his face when someone asks him a tough question (fear).

While I could take all of the “credit” I have to admit, it is partly the race photographer’s fault.  They never seem to be at mile 3 when everyone isn’t covered with sweat, spit, Gatorade, and a look of desperation (Also, how I looked at most high school dances).  Instead, they camp out at mile 20.   The thought process is that racers will be more apt to buy a picture of just themselves vs a picture of them with some 75 year old woman with leggings blasting past.  In practice, they end up with pictures of people doing the walk of shame.

What follows is my own personal Rock and Roll Arizona walk of shame - and my thought process as I went through my race pictures (race report here) this afternoon.

The pictures always start out really good.  Running along, good form...
Ok, I didn't notice the camera, but that is fine I'll get it in the next one

 Opps, didn't notice it here either.  Crap.  
Maybe they should put some blinking lights on the camera guys?
 Oh god, what is going on here?  Certainly they must have caught me at a bad moment.
Was I yawning? People don't yawn during marathons, do they? And why was I yawning with my bottom lip?

 Oh wow.  Yup, that is pretty much how I remember it.  Pain, lots of pain - mixed with constipation.  
Although, I don't remember eating a lot of cheese?
Did I get kicked in the junk?

Oh come ON!? They don't get any better??   
Although if you look at my face upside down - totally smiling. That is weird.
 Finally, the last picture.  I can only assume that this was some sort of euphoric high?  
I'll bet there was LSD in the Gatorade. 


With pictures like those – Karma sure as hell had better have SOMETHING good coming my way.   I’d better buy a lottery ticket.  You can’t be too sure.


Come on, I can’t be the only person with bad race pictures, right??


51 comments:

Alisa said...

This made my day! I usually just look like I'm walking. As in Sunday afternoon stroll through the park, walking. Not even a drop of sweat appears in a picture.

Jen said...

haha - this is great… My race pics are usually pretty bad too. I too have stopped looking!

jo said...

I'm hearing ya! I cringe at my photos (if you can find one) I look like I'm walking but working very hard at it...sweaty, red. The last lot made me look like I run like a duck. What's the alternative, I don't have a support crew willing to attend

Stephanie Anne said...

Haha you literally made me laugh out loud and my boyfriend had to see what was so funny. Love your race pics, you should post them all over your house.

abbi said...

Thanks for actually making me laugh out loud this evening. Mine are always awful too...I tend to always have a deer in headlights look.

Char said...

Ha ha. This is so funny. Thanks for the laugh at your expense. Ironically I have only two decent race photos and both of these were when I was feeling dreadful and running like I was feeling. I just don't buy them most of the time.

...Barbie... said...

oh my god i am not gonna lie - i skipped right to the race pictures and LAUGHED!! Those pictures OMG. But it is funny how pictures start so good and then the more you run and more tired you are the worse they get. As usual ... great post. {what I read of it...}

MotherRunner said...

I have never, ever laughed at a blog post so hard in my life. I am still laughing now. Oh god. They just kept getting worse! My cat had to move off my lap because I was laughing so damn hard. Seriously made my whole night. Thanks for taking one for the team.

Steph said...

I am laughing so hard at your captions. This MADE MY DAY!!

{lifeasa}RunningMom said...

Thanks so much for the laughs today. I really needed it. Really, I am crying!

But honestly, we all have bad race pictures and perhaps that is why my last race opted to not post any. We all looked in pain, mad, tortured...and they thought we would look like it was a fun breezy event.

I need to share this with dear hubby who hasn't let me seen his recent race pics...and I haven't been devious enough to go check them out.

BitterHag Running said...

You are so NOT alone. I am the queen of awful photos. Here's proof: http://noradoesgrandmas2011.blogspot.com/2011/06/dont-hate-me-because-im-beautiful.html
Enjoy!

Greg said...

You should buy each and every one of those and insist on displaying them throughout your home. No matter what complaints or comments your wife makes. Then whenever you want something and your wife is unwilling to let you do it, you can offer to take one of the pictures down if she let's you.

Yo Momma Runs said...

Sweet begeez, those are the best running photos I've seen. I wonder if the people taking them ever think about hitting delete to be merciful.

Elizabeth said...

haha! i love these! i have decided its all in the photographer. some of mine are great, some not so much. :):) i’m gonna stick to that. it’s all the photographers fault.

BabyWeightMyFatAss said...

omg. LOL. You look so constipated in those bottom pictures. awesome.

Beth (i run like a girl) said...

Your photos aren't that bad. You just look a bit like someone is chasing you with a pitchfork. ;)

We all have bad photos.

But seriously, if we still look "pretty," we're probably doing something wrong.

TiGi said...

OMG. I seriously snorted stuff outta my nose when I looked at these. Thanks for the laugh!

Randy said...

And guess what? For the low, low price of your first born child, MarathonFoto will sell you those pictures.

Tricia said...

good thing you dont have boobs. I saw one recently (yes in that race I didnt "race" although no one obviously notified my boobs I was going slow) in which I swear those suckers were at waist level.WTF

Kate said...

OK, those were hilarious, as were your comments. I went back to give you a link for my Skippo pictures, but there's so horrible that they made me want to cry, not laugh, and I just couldn't bring myself to post them. And since I'll post about nearly anything else embarrassing, you know they're bad.

Jetsers said...

Oh I have some really bad ones, but I am kind of proud of the big belly looking smaller in these. These are from the end of my first half marathon a few weeks ago.
http://www2.brightroom.com/email/88137/2817/128228753

Laura is Undeterrable said...

I had some real doozies during MCM. I think one of my goals this year will to have a non horrible face while running. I definitely laughed out loud at your LSD in the gatorade comment.

pensive pumpkin said...

I don't have any race photos yet, but I look so awesome in all other photos that they are sure to be magazine quality. Will order extras for you. /sarcasm off


Thanks. Sofa King Funny!

A said...

This post is SO GREAT! While the pictures are of course awesome, your captions are even better. I was cracking up at this. AWESOME!

And I take shitty race photos too. I still always look though, with slight desperation that there's one where I don't look like I'm having the worst time of my life.

XLMIC said...

I was laughing so hard no sound was coming out! Luckily, too, because my kids are in bed and they would have woken up I was laughing so hard! Those are PRICELESS!

I always look scared shitless...in fact, tomorrow's post was going to be similar to this one...great minds thinking alike or something ;-)

Erin said...

There's an official video of me tripping over the finish line at the RnR AZ in 2010, I think that qualifies as pretty crappy! In that case, I was paying attention to the camera in order to get a good photo and missed the slightly raised finish line... FAIL!

P1t0 said...

Those photos are keepers!!! Classic stuff there.... LOL

Johann said...

Love it! As it is I don't look great on any photo. race photos just add more bad looks. I do keep some bad ones if the race was important enough.

C2Iowa said...

My pictures are much much worse.

Team Serrins Springfield said...

But the dude in front of you (1573?) looks great!

bobbi said...

Best. Photos. Ever.

(I had to share them with my husband when he was wondering why I nearly spit my drink all over the place!)

TriMOEngr said...

My sister and her husband and a bunch of his family also participated in my first tri last summer. They awarded me most photogenic. I must not have been in enough pain because I always managed to smile for the photographer. But these are freakin' hilarious.

Al's CL Reviews said...

I love your pics. If I manage to get ones (as in the photographer hasn't packed and left yet which happens all the time to me), they usually have both feet on the ground at the same time.

Katie said...

#4 is my fave. you look fabulous, work it grrrl.

fancy nancy said...

I don't know what made me laugh harder...the pictures or your commentary!!! At least you can say you left it all out on the course!!!

Runners Fuel said...

Yep! I think I may only have one or two decent race pics.

Hannah said...

I love all of them! You should totally buy them all and display them all over the house. Multiple copies of each one!

Pam said...

OMG... these are priceless! If you don't buy one of those and hang it up, you have no sense of humor whatsoever.

RunningWithBaby said...

Loved this post! I am so glad that I'm not alone in the "scary looking race pictures" category. If you look pretty, you ain't workin hard enough.

Nitmos said...

Maybe it's those things strangling your knees? They look painful.

SF Road Warrior said...

Oh my god, brilliant. Granted, my race photos are certainly no glamour shots, but I usually just look bored or sleepy or confused.

Good running habits said...

Maybe bad photos... but funny, yes :)
My own photos make me wonder if I am able to sleep while I am running. I close my eyes on at least half of the photos.

Jess @ Blonde Ponytail said...

Turn that frown upside down!!! ha!!

Run with Jess said...

So funny! I'm not sure how but I always seem to see the photographers... maybe I'm not working hard enough, huh?!

Running, Loving, Living said...

OMG!! So funny, I make an attempt to smile at the cameras, so I have ome out with some pretty decent race photos but here are always the ones her hey catch ou looking like u r gonna die. Thanks for he laughs!

Heather @ Just a Colorado Gal said...

I was literally just laughing out loud while reading your captions...and looking at the pics. THESE ARE AWESOME!

Sam said...

Your comments are funnier than the pictures! Nothing like laughing your ass off all alone at midnight while your family sleeps. Too funny!

Layla said...

OMG. I just laughed out loud at this! That means you are awesome -- which also means that it was totally worth the humiliation of posting your race photos for all to see.

Karen said...

OMG those pictures cracked me up.... (sorry). If it makes you feel any better, I look like crap in 99% of my race pictures. I either have a weird look on my face or my posture is looking crazy. I can't decide if it is better to try and acknowledge the camera, sort of give a smile and a wave or try to act cool as if they are not there and hope for a good action shot.

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Carrie FamilyFitnessFood said...

I laughed so hard at this the other day, I just had to come back again to laugh some more. I've got to share the picture I have from a race that the guy behind me was captured shirt-less and mid-belly-fat-jiggle. Priceless.