Since I'm still getting back up to speed with my running, I thought I'd venture into "dad life" a bit....
You see, inmates have 23 hours a day to think of essentially 3 things:
- If I was to have sex with the dude who wants everyone to call him Jamie instead of James, would my wife find out?
- I swear to god, when I get out of here, I’m going to kill the guy that ratted me out.
- How do I convert this toothbrush/mattress/toilet paper tube into a shank and stab “Jamie” for giving me the herps.
As I was watching my son crawl, walk, and stumble his way to chew on my laptop’s power cord (stopped him before he got it. . . . over and over and over again), I thought to myself: Being a baby must be a LOT like being an inmate. Every single second is spent towards one purpose: trying to devise a way to stick something in your mouth.
When you think about it, babies DO spend essentially every waking moment either eating, pooping, or devising ways to stick stuff into their mouth. When he’s not being tossed into the air by me, my son is sucking on whatever is close by. I’ve been told that “babies explore with their mouths” so this is a totally normal thing to have happening. All that I know is that if my son tries to put the remote control in his mouth one more time while I’m trying to change the channel away from Judge Judy, all hell is going to break loose.
For that matter, the longer I am a father, the more I’m finding that my responsiblities essentiallly fall into four categories: Roof over head, food in belly, try to teach him something, and make sure he doesn’t kill himself. It is almost like I am a prison warden. The little guy screams, I tell him to shush. My wife and I schedule his meals and get frustrated when he doesn’t eat. We even have a “lights out” time. I think that I’m going to have to grow a pot belly and have everyone start calling me “Boss Hog”.
But, at the end of the day I love my son and I wouldn’t trade being his “warden” for anything. That is until he starts brewing wine in the toliet. Then all deals are off.