Thursday, September 22, 2011

Runnervals!


I was actually a bit surprised at the results of my “Would you rather” question about brushing your teeth/deodorant/perfume before runs.  It turns out that I’m a filthy dirt bag who has no friends, everyone else likes to practice normal personal hygiene, and I have 3% high school readership who wears Axe.  Don’t get confused though, in spite of everyone I’m still not brushing my teeth before I run. . . . but now I’m going to feel guilty about it.  I think I just invented a new emotion:  Runner Guilt.

The other day, a friend at work said “I’m not sure that I could ever be involved with a sport where there is the possibility of pooping your pants”.  Quite honestly, I was speechless.  It was one of those rare moments where I did not have a good, quick witted response, like: I don’t do any activity without the fear of shitting myself, that is why I eat Taco Bell at work all day long.  I have to wonder how many people would have started to take up the sport if they knew that was a possibility?  I still probably would have.  I like to live dangerously.

Speaking of poop, I’m on some sort of Cal Ripkin streak with feeling like I’m going to make a deposit in the bushes.  This week I’m 3 for 4!  My 14 miler Tuesday was broken up around mile 10 for a quick visit to one of the local park bathrooms and yesterday during my 10 miler I had to take a 30 second “walk it off” break.  I have three thoughts about this:
1. I need to get this shit figured out before race day (pun very intended).
2. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for park bathrooms with toilet paper.
3. Somewhere an angel cried because of the things I thought that I was going to have to do behind the swings.

I don’t often (or ever) talk about politics.  I figure that we ALL get 40 times too much of that everywhere else.  However, every so often running crosses over into normal every day life. (Like when the runner, who just happened to be naked, ran through a neighborhood and jumped into a community pool. . . .and just stood there until the cops came)  The editor in chief of Runners World recently speculated that he thinks that Sarah Palin is going to attempt a BQ Marathon in the fall (3:30 was his guess).  Whatever you think about her politics, that is FAST.  Although, since she isn’t Governor and she isn’t running for Prez, I guess she has a lot of free time on her hands to train?

19 comments:

Beth (i run like a girl) said...

When she's running, she's not saying silly things about Paul Revere. I think this is a win for all involved! ;)

Jamoosh said...

Corn!

Corn can give you an idea of how long it takes your body to process food before it pops out the other end. Then it's just a matter of identifying foods that promote pooping on the run.

Brian said...

I've have "streaks" like that where every run for a week or two my digestive system just doesn't feel right. I'm not quite sure what the pattern/cause is either...seems to be stress/work-related though in my case. Luckily, I've always been ok on race day and I hope you are too.

I plan my long run routes to have plenty of porto-potty options, though. Just in case.

James said...

You totally need to turn that sign into a shirt. "Run it like you have got to poop." and wear it during a race.

sisurunner said...

Dude, don't depend on finding TP, you gotta carry your own--just fold some up & stick it in your shorts. Yes it gets matted & sweaty but it's still usable & it's better than not having any or using leaves, moss, sticks, or handfuls of small pebbles.

Anonymous said...

I love the local running trails with bathrooms every couple of miles. Hate it when they close for the winter! It is hard to take my dog (my running partner) into a gas station bathroom.

My husband almost never has poop issues. Until this summer in Dallas. Somewhere behind a bush is a very special sock...

Jessi said...

I totally agree with you that we get too much politics in our every day life but I'm glad her running is making some news channels (but wish it was more widespread). Maybe it will inspire people to get active in some way. You know..monkey see monkey do.

Dr. TriRunner said...

Hahha Beth's comment is right on. I didn't even know she ran? Let alone in a BQ attempting zone..

Rose @ Eat, Drink, and Be Meiri said...

Hitler could run 6 minute miles, so, yeah.

Chad said...

Women hate Sarah Palin, no matter the context.

Katy said...

I've recently discovered that 5 Hour Energy (sorry 5 Hr) gives me bathroom issues, darn! Also, 3:30 for Palin, omg!

undeterrable said...

Amen Beth. Thought I hate the fact that she is faster than me. Maybe that will be my new goal...

Jess said...

Palin has the time because the rumor is that her husband is divorcing her! So, maybe she's fast because she's running from those lawyers that will take half her "rogue" estate!

Christina said...

I always brush my teeth before running in the morning and sometimes in the afternoon too.

Palin won't hit that time. She's all talk, no action. We may see her running out here though since she bought a winter house in Scottsdale.

Lauren said...

PRETTY DANG FUNNY! A Couple things . . . I always brush my teeth before I run, I even bathe beforehand. Sometimes I even straighten my hair! It's not because I'm vain. I just know that after a long trail run I'm a filthy stinkin' wavy-haired mess caked in salt.

The other thing. I've read much about this being a sport about the possibility of crapping your pants or having to go #2 in the woods. Pretty funny. I have never ever heard of any of my running friends having that problem (but I guess they wouldn't advertise the fact). BUT I have the solution re: the possibility of ducking behind a bush and rummaging through your pack for tp on a run. As soon as you wake, drink TWO cups of coffee. Make sure you've got at least an hour before your run. The the coffee will CLEAN YOU OUT in about 45 minutes. There's my advice to your extremely entertaining entry.

3:30! I can't even dream of such a time.

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Alma said...

Well, my initial goal for my first marathon was to run a 3:58 so I could beat Sarah Palin's one time marathon time of 3:59. A month ago she ran a half in 1:46 (Ohio or someplace, running under her maiden name). Pretty damn good time! I would guess she can run a 3:45 but I think a 3:30 is not happening unless she was really holding back on that half marathon. Definitely gives me motivation to train!

Laura said...

Sarah Palin ran Humpy's Marathon in Alaska in 3:56. I know this because I ran the same marathon in 3:54 and beat her. So if she qualifies for Boston, I guess that means I have to do the same? Coach me!