Monday, September 5, 2011

9 mile (3 mile) Pepto Run

I'll admit, I'm a stubborn guy.  I'll argue stupid points (I AM a guy afterall), I'll continue to wait behind the old lady with 50 cans of cat food (because, I picked this line and I'm sticking with it - dammit), I'll even decide that I'm going to run a marathon and then. . . . do it as my first race EVER!  But, this morning, I even surprised myself with my flair for the obscene.....stupidity..... stubbornness.  After getting up 3 times to go to the bathroom last night (I was going number two, my prostate is fine thank-you-very-much), I still attempted my 9 mile run this morning.  As you might expect, it was a disaster.

One of my favorite sayings is clothing optional!! "don't be a slave to your schedule".  I tell all of the people that I coach that life happens, you try to plan around it, you adjust, and you move forward.  At the end of the day, sometimes the psychological effects of cramming in a bunch of runs can be devastating - never mind the increased risk of injury.  It turns out that is one of those "do as I say, not as I do" type situations.  In my mind, I'm now my dad, beer in hand, preaching to his 16 year old son not to drink. 

As I was getting ready to go for my 9 mile run, I was telling myself, "Self, just get in the miles - this is a stepback week. The cramping will probably go away.  BESIDES!  You have the silver (pink) bullet"

The pink bullet.  Pepto. . . . In front of my wife's outhouse.  How appropriate.
The Max means "Maximum Stupidity"

So I took a bit swig of Pepto and THEN I thought to myself (this was at 4:50am): "Oh shit, this looks / tastes old, when did it expire anyway?"

03/2011.  I'm no mathematician or ancient Mayan calendar expert, but that can't be good.


Welp, I decided that the damage was done, and I was already all Body-glided up and didn't want to make my bed gross, so I headed out.  Honestly, the first half mile or mile wasn't all that bad.  I always feel a bit off during the first parts of runs anyway so I figured that the strange feeling that I had was just more of the 5am blahs.  It wasn't.  At the 1.5 mile mark, my stomach did one of those "I'm a rag and am going to try to wring out the Pepto" deals.  It only went downhill from there.

The 3.7 miles that I put in were a combination of 1.5 miles of running, 1 mile of run/walking, and 1.2 miles of "deep breaths / speed walking / faster faster faster / get home".

Here is my best "dramatic reenactment".  I think that I could get a B-Roll acting gig.

So, what did I learn?  Don't be a slave to your schedule!  Adjust and move forward.  But, I guess I already knew that. . . . . So I didn't learn anything.  Crap.

Anyone else do something that they knew was a bad idea with expected (disastrous) results?



 

19 comments:

Brian said...

I've made the same mistake as you, going out anywhere when I knew my stomach just didn't feel up to it.

When I had my flare-up of ITBS I always tried to rush back too fast. One Sunday, I ran 6 miles mostly pain free during the run, but was very sore afterward. Foam-rolled that night and felt much better, and then tried to run the next day because of weather. Got less than 1/3 of a mile and the knee just wouldn't hold my weight.

Lesley @ racingitoff.com said...

Another photo I won't be able to get out of my head. Did you mention that afterward, you went to the children's museum and infected hundreds of small children with your diseases? Meanie! (By the way, if the expiration is within the year on medicine, you're usually ok... my step-mom is a nurse and doesn't ever throw away medicine, generally it just gets less effective. Pepto always tastes like bubble-gum flavored elephant diarrhea.)

Nobel4Lit said...

I just had pepto for the first time back in July... Know that if you are resorting to pepto, running should wait. ;)

Forward Foot Strides said...

Haaaaa, you look like you're in agony!!

I once hadn't eaten very much, so thought "I'll just suck on this butterscotch candy as I walk to my route, it will get me through 5k!"

It didn't.

I also hadn't had any dairy one day, and was convinced that was why I wasn't feeling great during a run (this is when I was very new), so I stopped for one of those small cartons of milk part way through. The remainder of that run was BRUTAL.

Char said...

I swear when I saw that photo I could smell what you'd done. Could it be that the dog was walking past at that exact moment or is it something more supernatural?

Mike said...

Yuck. I know the feeling of running/speed walking with my cheeks puckered together. Did you eat Taco Bell last night? :-)

Grouchy Karen said...

Well, I'm glad you made it back home in time. On the bright side, your glutes must be amazing.

But this makes me wonder - it's embarrassing but relatively easy to take a pee break when out on the run...but how many people have stealth-pooped outside?

Jill said...

Let's blame it on expired PB, I'm sure you would have been good to go otherwise!! :)

Jamoosh said...

Of course. You are the "do as I say, not as I do" coach.

Tricia said...

hey uh someone once told me "dont be a slave to your schedule" oh wait...

51feetunder said...

After continually preaching to my 6 yr. old that he has to learn to control his temper, I lost my temper, kicked a tricycle (he wasn't riding it at the time) and broke my big toe....before my first 50km race. Do as I say son, do as I say...DOH!

http://51feetunder.wordpress.com/2011/08/26/a-story-of-broken-dreams-and-toes/

Katie said...

um. bahahahaha. poor you.

I'm Tracy and... said...

I bet every bush on your route was holding it's breath furiously chanting to itself "Please, don't let me be the one!"

Tara said...

Nothing good happens after you have to stop at mile 1.5 to blow butt in the bushes. Don't be a slave to your schedule man! :)

Great photo though. hah!

Beth (i run like a girl) said...

Freakin' hilarious... mostly because I think we've all had one of "those days" running.

Jess said...

OMG, I laughed at your expense!

kilax said...

You poor thing! :(

I went running on Sunday and thought I would have to go to the bathroom. So I went at .4 miles then the urge came again and I was no where near a bathroom... it wasn't pretty. So now I know I have to run loops around bathrooms when I run in the am!

XLMIC said...

"I didn't want to make my bed gross…"

Let's see…hmmmm… Body Glide on the sheets or shit in the pants? Hmmmmm… gimme a sec here while I weigh these two options… :P

Duuuuuude…

I think you may have learned that you can walk pretty far and prettyI fast with your butt cheeks clenched together while doubled over!

Joanna said...

You know you are a connoisseur of Pepto when you can taste the expiration date.