On Saturday morning, while most men were watching ESPN fist and chest bumping, I was hanging out with 15 or so of my other petrified fathers-to-be learning the ins and outs of what we’re in for. (Turns out, mostly in for full on poop diaper blowouts.)
Daddy Bootcamp was not clinical, but instead consisted of two dads talking through the ins and outs of the first few months of being a dad. Fortunately, there were no feelings, no crying, no talking about how you were scared, and no women to laugh at you. It was all practical information – including the two additional new dads who brought their 4 month old babies to be passed around.
- If you faint in the delivery room, they will take you out and they will not let you come back no matter what (VERY Good info for me to know. Must.hold.strong.)
- Under no circumstances what so ever, do NOT laugh at the mesh underwear that the mother must wear after pregnancy (My plan: Never look at them)
- Boobs leak. When you squeeze them? Leak. When they are too full? Leak. Even when a random baby cries!? Leak (Sounds like a challenge to me)
- Everyone has a different opinion on which baby paraphernalia is “good” vs “bad”. E.g. I’ve heard more than one person say that a bottle warmer is a must, but during the class they said that they weren’t worth it
- Babies pee at the most inappropriate times – always keep your mouth closed while changing a diaper (learned that one the only other time I’ve babysat an infant)
- After the pregnancy, people are going to want to help with anything. Take advantage of it! Have them vacuum, mow the lawn, or (no joke) clean your garage (score!)
Now, as much as it hurts my soul, it is time to get serious
In all honesty I’ve got this whole parenting thing down. There are two reasons for my optimism. First, I know that there are millions of more unprepared moms and dads who do just fine. They make mistakes along the way just like we all do. The trick, of course, is limiting the long lasting impacts of those mistakes. That is, screwing up teaching the rules of baseball vs screwing up whatever eventually causes little girls (or highly attractive boys) to grow up to be strippers.
Second, I know that I’ve got a good teammate in my wife that will help guide me along the way.
And, I guess if that doesn’t work, I’ll email Cosby and see if he can recommend any good parenting books.