- "Fragment (consider revising)" has got to be the most useless grammatical suggestion ever in Word.
- People always make petty complaints in the form of, "It's 2009, why can't someone make this trivial annoyance in my life go away?" or "They can put a man on the Moon, but they can't pop all the kernels sitting in the bottom of the bag?"….. You know what? I can watch TV on the internet while I'm on the can. I suggest we take a step back and count our blessings.
- I hate when I go and get my haircut and they ask, "So what do you want me to do with your hair today?". I'm a guy. Make it shorter.
So, over the past few months, I’ve created a few of my own. Some have been Facebook status's (satai?), others are just random thoughts. Hopefully they stack up!
- Whenever I am washing my hands and accidentally spill water on my pants in the bathroom, I can’t help but explain to everyone that I meet that I did not pee my pants.
- Yeah, you in the corner cube by the front door. You have not been working on the same power point slide all week. You might as well stop switching your screen from TMZ.com when people walk by. Everyone knows.
- I can’t help but judge everyone who has an iPhone (since I don’t). I think the straw that broke my iPhone holdout back was seeing the guy in bib overalls watching an episode of Hee-Haw on his.
- Every so often, I’ll try to hide beer cans or an empty wine bottle from the maid in the hotel room trash. For some reason I feel like she’ll think badly of me that I was drinking alone in the hotel room.
- The statistical probability of receiving a dirty email forward goes up with equal measures when either my boss is walking by my desk or I receive an email forward from my father in law.
- Two of my guilty pleasures are MMA fighting and reality TV. I think they sort of even out – kinda like frozen fish sticks that are still frozen in the middle and burnt black on the outside.
- Sorry Pizza Hut.... You will NEVER be cool enough to be called "the hut". Don't even get me started on you Radioshack with your "The Shack" business.
I’ve been putting those down for quite some time. I’ll probably post some more in the future!