Friday, April 3, 2009

Funny Friday - Overheard

My buddy Nick subscribes to the "Overheard in the Office" feed and shares the best of the best with me. So, in the spirit of funny Friday, I thought that I would share some of the best of them. (Disclaimer: Some of these are a little PG-13... But I think most of us can 'deal')

Girl: (on cell) "I just can't take any more stupid sports. It's twenty four seven with you! If ESPN is on when I get home, I'm leaving. No you shouldn't pack my things, you jerk!"
- Water Tower Place

Woman to coworker playing hangman: Your little man isn't doing so well.
Man: That's what she said!

Pilot over intercom after rough landing: Whooaa, Nessie! (makes galloping sound) Easy, girl! (makes baaing sound) Whoops, wrong animal.
Houston, Texas

Female cube neighbor, whispering into cell: Jeff*, I woke up this morning with a naked gay man in my bed, and it wasn't you. I'm highly disturbed. Call me immediately.
Atlanta, Georgia

Four-year-old boy: Daddy! I wanna get hammered!
(mom pulls out a toy rubber hammer, sighing)
Dad, to everyone around: Shhhhh, nobody heard that! If you did, little forgetfulness fairies will fly into your mind!
Airport - Phoenix, Arizona

Guy #1: "Spring break in T minus 5. Hell yeah!"
Guy #2: "Who cares? We aren't going anywhere and we have to work."
Guy #1: "But just IMAGINE we were staring at chicks and getting laid. Makes spring break all that much better."
Guy #2: "Yeah. Because picturing Amy at the front desk naked definitely makes me want to party. I'd rather see the Bears O-line naked."
- Lincoln Park

Flight attendant: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard flight 1751 to Raleigh-Durham. My name is John and I am your head flight attendant today. I will be assisted by my lovely fiancee Sarah and my ex-wife Jill. It may be a little awkward but we hope you have a pleasant flight.
Runway Atlanta, Georgia

Peon #1: So, I finally got my new car--it's a Scion.
Peon #2: Oh yeah, dude, you like?
Peon #1: Yeah, it's sweet. It's a standard.
Peon #2: Why?
Peon #1: Well, my brother only has one arm, so this way he can't borrow my car.
West Street Boston, Massachusetts

Seven-year-old girl: Daddy, do you know what stinks?
Dad: No, what?Seven-year-old girl: Dog farts.
Dad: Let's not talk about that here.
TJ Maxx Ann Arbor, Michigan

IT manager: I wish I worked in HR, they're always either eating cake or firing people.
New York City, New York

Pod dweller #1: So, I might take tomorrow off.
Pod dweller #2: Nice, what're you gonna do?
Pod dweller #1: Nothin, going to the gym and stuff...I'll probably come in to work.
Pod dweller #2: That's the shittiest day off I ever heard.
Pennsylvania, Philadelphia

Little boy, grabbing his crotch and jumping up and down: Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!

Pilot to passengers: Everyone, please make sure your seatbelts are fastened. I'm gonna fly this plane like I stole it.
Flight from Nashville, Tennessee

Customer: Excuse me, where is your non-fiction section?
Salesgirl: What type of non-fiction are you looking for?
Customer: Harry Potter.Bookstore
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Female coworker, after cutting in line to get her lunch: What happened to "ladies first"?
Male coworker: The womens' rights movement.
Potrero Hill San Francisco, California


Kelly said...

Forgetfulness fairies. HA!

Michelle said...

Ha funny!!

Good weekend dude! Your running marathon?


Ulyana said...

IS it bad that I laughed out loud at the one with the standard scion? HAHA.

Home Away said...

i had to literally bite my tongue to keep from busting out laughing in the silent office around me.