It seems like a good idea at the time. Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie is hot, or that Julia Roberts is cute, right? So, you think that you’ll earn some much needed brownie points the next time that you are forced to watch Access Hollywood by saying something like this:
You (to wife): “Did you see Julia Roberts in that low cut dress? She looked good. Have I ever told you that you look a little bit like her?”
Wife (confused): “What? Are you serious?”
You (starting to back peddle): “Well, I was just thinking that you both have a nice smile and are pretty fit”
Wife (annoyed): “You seriously think I look like her? She is soooo ugly, it is like her mouth goes from one ear to the other! How many teeth does she have anyway? 300?”
You: “I… Well….. never mind. Can’t we watch football or something else?”
This all could have been avoided had the husband known to never associate the women in his life with other women, ever. I don’t care if she has huge full lips and long dark hair like the octo-mom and Angelina Jolie both do, you do NOT tell her that she looks like either. Women receive an onslaught of conflicting information each and every day about what looks are in, out, or soooo last season. As a result, you can never be sure if the celebrity you are comparing your dearest to was recently on the best dressed list or if she recently wore some sort of “swan dress” Bjork style.
Whenever possible, try to keep compliments very abstract and confusing. That is, comparing her eyes to the stars, her smile to the sun, or her hair to silk – the more confusing the better. Be creative! For example, try mixing bizarre accent pieces with your favorite animals: “Wow! Your earrings are like eagles for your head!” She’ll be so surprised that you recognized her new purchase that you won’t even have to explain yourself!
Thanks Nick for the inspiration on this one! It has been a long time since my last post in this series, I hope that all of the guys out there haven’t stuck BOTH feet in their mouths during the interim. Lord knows I have.