Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Husband Manual 101: Chapter 4 – I’ll be home at 7

Chapter 4 of the husband manual will focus exclusively on wives uncanny knack to remember times, due dates, etc whenever least important for husbands. This is particularly the case when husbands go out on their own to a fun event while their wives are either not invited because of the audience or because of the social awkwardness (a group of guys watching football). Rest assured, if there is an event that she is not invited to and you tell her what time you’re going to be home and you’re late, there will be consequences.

For example, the manual will describe how to tip toe the mine field that is the following conversation:

Husband: Don’t forget, I'm going out for drinks after work. I’ll be home at 7:00.
Wife: Sounds good!
(later that evening at 7:23)…….
Wife: Where were you?
Husband: Having drinks, I told you that earlier.
Wife: Why weren't you back when you said?
Husband: What? Like 23 minutes makes a huge difference??
Wife: I didn’t know where you were!
Wife: ……..
Wife …….. (dirty look)

Never, EVER say any time without the phrases 'about', 'around' or 'approximately' in front of them. The previous evening could have been saved had the husband just used one of these simple phrases. “I’ll be home around 7 or so. But, it may be later, I don’t know.” This also goes for calling wives back or sending emails to remind her of things. Never lock down on a specific time. If anything, try to give yourself a few hour window so that you are neither early or late. That way you will always be covered.

So, whenever possible, be as vague as possible. Learn to use the terms “later tonight”, “pretty early”, “as soon as I can” as interchangeably as you would normal times. It doesn’t make sense, but women never do. As soon as men learn that, the better off we’ll all be.


BJN said...

Prominent Anthropologist Helen Fischer concludes that women have accute long term memory due to ancestral need to remember traits of male suitors. This type of memory function was useful to sort breeding partners whom would most likely stick around to assist them after the birth of the child. This is important because human babies are the most dependent of all species on their parents.

Males however biologically only seek women of suitable physical traits for successful reproduction. See: "Child Bearin' Hips" and "Big Milk Jugs".

Adam said...

I've always found very interesting the way that we (humans) have evolved over the eons. However, based on your statement above, I wonder how the recent trend towards crazy skinny women will play out over the next few thosand years.