Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Husband Manual 101: Chapter 3 – When to fold them

Chapter 1
Chapter 2

I am pretty sure that it was Kenny Rogers who sang the song that said “know when to hold them… know when to fold them…..”. The same applies to wives. Chapter 3 of the husband manual will focus on which arguments are worth sticking out, and which arguments are just not worth the effort to ‘win’.

For example, often times guys will be inclined to argue about little things that don’t matter: Signaling before changing lanes on the highway, the proper way to stack groceries in the car, flipping between channels on the remote, how one party or another makes the bed, etc. The manual will show that, as a husband, prior to committing to an argument you need to do a cost/benefit analysis on the negative side effects of ‘winning’ said argument. That is, if you win an argument about which type of cheese goes best on tacos, what do you get other than the satisfaction of winning? Usually just a cranky wife that either complains about other things all afternoon or worse yet – doesn’t say a word for the next 24 hours.

The manual will also show that some arguments are worth sticking out – even if only to not look like a pushover. Just like the supreme court, sometimes forfeiting a seemingly mindless argument sets a bad precedent. Identifying these situations during the heat of the moment is arguably difficult, but the manual will systematically work to teach all husbands to look for the following red flags:

  • Anything that involves shopping or spending money

  • Anything that discourages the consumption of beer

  • Anything that infringes on time spent watching sports

  • Finally, for every 2 arguments you just shrug off, randomly fight back with all of your might on the third. Again, you don’t want to seem like a pushover.

The manual will show that even if only arguing for 1/3 of the arguments contradicts itself, she’ll never even know the difference. After all, let’s be honest, other than these specific subsets of activities, does much else matter?


OhMyLaughter said...

LOL! I know Dane Cook has a couple really good routines about arguing too!